I’ve just realised I’m completely useless

[Alittlelessthanuseless]

I’ve name changed but I’ve been on MN for sometime.

I’ve always been quite upbeat but today I’ve realised I’m useless. Totally worthless and a let down to everyone that is part of my life. I don’t really have the energy to write, so I’ll just list it all to get it off my chest. Please don’t feel obliged to comment, I just don’t really have anyone in RL I can talk about this with.
I can’t drive
I don’t work (my OH thankfully has a very well paying job)
I can’t take my kids anywhere on my own because I don’t drive and the buses are so infrequent.
I have a condition that means I end up in hospital quite frequently, this scares my children and is an inconvenience to everyone else.
I have no friends.
I have no hobbies
I act like I’m confident but inside I’m nervous and scared of everything.
I put off my DS online parents evening because I feel embarrassed of how pathetic I am. He knows I didn’t do it and can’t understand why.
I get things wrong all the time. As hard as I try it’s always wrong.
It upsets people when I go to hospital but I feel calm there.
I get angry and upset with people but don’t tell them because I don’t want them to feel how I feel.
I wanted to be someone and I watch endless programmes about it but know I’ve left it too late, I can’t be what I wanted to be now.
My dad has nothing to do with me and never replies to my messages.
I’m in pain but sometimes i don’t say anything because people are bored of it and the hospital have better things to do atm than try and fix me.
Everything just feels muddled and I can’t tell anyone because I’m at the bottom of the list.

Nobody is completely useless. Even if you somehow are completely useless (and if you were nobody would give a crap about you surely?) then that still does not define your worth. You do not have to be useful to others. You do joe have to justify taking up space or being a person. It sounds like you have a family who love you, but are otherwise quite lonely and going through a horrible time health wise. I know that dark place, and can only assure you things do get better. You will find your way again. And you are worth it.

Oh OP I have been where you are. Sometimes I still am there. I have a list very similar to yours in my phone about myself, so I don't have any words of wisdom and I know there's nothing I can say that will change the way you feel. But you are not alone, and hopefully one day you won't feel this way anymore. It sounds like your OH and children don't think you're useless at all & they love you.

You and me both! Especially whatever you try is wrong and always goes wrong. There are just so few jobs I can apply for with kids and I keep failing on personality tests or with anxiety, even with jobs I've done in the past and could do easily. The only thing is I don't have pain conditions. What is it you have?

OP I get this.on the face of it I’m a successful professional, confident etc. In reality I’ve just had a life changing diagnosis, am so anxious I don’t sleep anymore and all I can think about is what I burden I am and my life will never matter. I know most of this is in my head and myDH and kids adore me so I will keep on trucking on but I really do understand. Sending a gentle hug x

It sounds like you are greatly valued and valuable within your family, and that you do actually work - to look after everyone, even if that means you yourself are “at the bottom of the list”. Struggling with ill health and pain while also looking after your family is very difficult and takes an enormous amount of energy yet usually you manage it and manage to be upbeat as well. Similar to pp, I know from personal experience how hard it is to be dependent on people when you are unwell, and maybe to feel that asking for help/ time to yourself beyond what is absolutely necessary to manage/ deal with your condition is an indulgence, and feeling very run down as a consequence. Can you arrange to do anything that you know will add energy to your low energy stores - for example for me personally I know I feel refreshed if I can leave my young DC with someone else occasionally and get out for a long walk, or take the time to plan and cook a meal that I particularly like while listening to a podcast. It sounds trite but, as the power of writing things down is great, now you have written this list can you write another one listing what you have achieved and do achieve day to day? Or what your OH/ DC would say about you if they were in a complimentary mood? What do they miss about you when you are in hospital?
You may not feel this is for you, but another low cost thing that has helped me with the feelings you describe are self help books. If you look at ones on self esteem you might find something that appeals - I have found The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown useful, but you taste may differ - or the idea may not appeal, but for the investment it may be worth a try. Best of luck OP I hope you feel more positive soon

Thankyou all x

Me too. I hope you get support cos I found out when I posted that a lot of MN think I'm pretty crap too

@mortifiedmam

Me too. I hope you get support cos I found out when I posted that a lot of MN think I'm pretty crap too

Sounds about right for the viper pit. Hope your okay x

@Alittlelessthanuseless

You're a mum, you're a wife, you're surviving your illness, you're worried about your family and you're doing your best 💐

You keep going ok? Just do the best you can and keep going, baby steps... Recognise your victories, however small you think they are!

Kids up, fed, off to school? High five 💐

Had yourself a coffee/ tea and planned your next step? High five 💐

Tiny steps, little victories, look at what you have achieved and not at what you feel you haven't if that makes sense?

I'm massive on making lists and ticking things off if I'm feeling low - I even cheat by breaking things down into smaller tasks 🤣just so that I can feel I've got somewhere!

Usual task - change bed

Bad day - strip bed
- air bed (I'm not procrastinating, beds need airing 😉)
- wash bedding
- dry bedding
- remake bed

Good day, 1 thing crossed off, that's good 👍🏼
Bad day, 5 things achieved, OMG I'm a legend 👍🏼

Please keep posting, we're here to support you, and think about trying the above, it honestly helps me and I hope it works for you 💐💐💐

You are the centre of your children’s world tho op
They love you unconditionally.

You are not useless

We could all write a list of things we can’t do. Try adding the word ‘yet’ onto the end of your sentences.

Now write a list of things you can do.

I bet you do so much for your family every day- organise, love, cook, clean...... I bet the list is huge.

@Heatherjayne1972

You are the centre of your children’s world tho op They love you unconditionally. You are not useless

This in spades OP. and you do work - you are a mother, a wife, a home maker, a nurturer, a carer, you run a home. You’re doing a great job. Don’t be hard on yourself. 💐

Big hug from me.

Thankyou all for being so kind. It really does mean a lot to have people understand how I feel.
I’ll try some of the suggestions people have made and see if I can dig myself a little way out of this hole x

No one is ever completely useless. You sound like a loving mother and wife and when it comes down to it thats all that matters. If you do want to change something pick one thing at a time. Its sounds like work would be out of the question for you due to your illness but maybe volunteer? Or when I had a moment last year I picked driving as that ment I could take my kids out and that would open up better jobs for me so I leant to drive in an automatic and its been great, I really struggled with PTSD around driving due to witnessing a car crash but I'm immensely proud of myself now. What about picking a hobby instead? I'm sure we could all help you find something you would enjoy?

Big hugs. Go and give your kids a cuddle, you'll feel better for it i promise

Just wanted to pop on and say the hospital thing is very normal. I’m an ex nurse and had a few patients tell me this. It’s all about feeling safe. When you are in hospital you are surrounded by people who understand your illness and can take control. When you’re at home you’re in charge and that can be scary. However, I always used to tell these patients that they are the expert of their own body. You know your medical history and care regime so you’re in charge not us.

On a separate note could you ask school to email notes on your son. Then you can read it together and identify some targets for him to work on.

OP, the hardest job ever is parenting, IMO.
You are doing the hardest job in difficult circumstances.
Give yourself some credit.

Op if you need to use the hospital for your illness please do so. I work for the NHS it is not just for Covid.

@Alittlelessthanuseless

Hi lovely, how are you feeling now? I hope that the supportive messages on here have helped you feel a little better about yourself today and inspired you to start again tomorrow 💐

You don’t sound useless to me, you sound like a supportive wife, a good mother (being a good mother is not measured on how many days out you can take your child on) and someone who is surviving an illness whilst worrying about how it effects others.

You don’t sound like a useless person, you sound like a person with anxiety and a lot on her plate 💐

i bet there’s a list of what you do too.

You sound like you have a lot to deal with. Living with pain takes its toll. It must be so hard.
Don’t ever think you don’t deserve to be looked after medically or emotionally. You’re precious and you deserve a decent life like everyone else.