Please help me write this letter to my deceased friend's Dad

[Bereavedfriend]

Hi everyone, I have name changed for this post as the details are potentially outing.

Sadly my colleague and friend of several years passed away unexpectedly on Sunday. I would like to write to her dad to express my condolences and support, and would really appreciate any advice you might have on the best way to approach this please.

For context, I have never met her dad, and the poor guy lost his wife to Covid a few months ago and now he has lost his daughter. We don't yet know the cause of death (there will be a post mortem). From what we do know, there's a slight chance it could be suicide, but it's much more likely to be longer term neglect plus another illness (possibly Covid). My friend was wonderful but struggled with her mental health and had been neglecting herself for a few years. She didn't have any friends outside of work, however she was very well liked and respected at work.

I was going to keep the letter fairly brief, express my condolences, say how loved and valued his daughter was and share a few nice memories I had with her.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

That sounds perfect. Sorry for your loss.. your daughter was a special friend. Here’s some lovely things she did/here’s the difference she made/ my favourite memory is.
Thinking of you.
Sounds perfect

That sounds lovely, I'd keep it fairly short but with some lovely detail.
Maybe let him know he can contact you if he wants

That's a really lovely thing to do.

I would say how much everyone liked and respected her at work and what a lovely friend she was to you and that you'll miss her terribly and remember her fondly.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend

If you can share any memories you have of her (funny, heartwarming) it will be nice for him, or even a photo on a works do showing her happy with her colleagues? And any success she had at work ( did she help people? Win awards? Depends on the line of work) we often don't have much insight into the work side of our family members and it will be nice for him to know she was happy and successful at work.

A story from her life as your friend, a happy one, where she is on top form, or making a difference to someone, or just a funny story.

If you have one, a photo that he has likely not seen before. One where she's smiling and laughing. Like a candid shot from a party.

These were the things I appreciated most the times I have lost loved ones close to me.

If you were a close friend, and you feel able, offer a listening ear too. I couldn't ever talk to people in my family, not really. I felt I was adding to their upset by soothing my own. The poor man has lost all those most dear to him this year and may well need someone to talk at (not so much to). I have talked at people who also loved my lost ones for many hours. I found their friends far easier to talk with than my family and I gained stories that I could never have known otherwise.

I wrote to an acquaintance’s husband (never met him) when she died unexpectedly. She had recently part of a project I was coordinating.
I said how much the group had valued her contribution and encouragement. I then said that I personally had known her through a sport group years before but we’d lost touch when I stopped attending. I remembered X from that time and had enjoyed reconnecting.

It’s not an easy letter to write but it sounds like you’re on track.

Sorry for your loss, OP. If you can, include examples of times that she’s been happy. As she struggled with her mental health her poor dad probably worries that she was unhappy for a lot of her life. Giving him memories of her being happy will help.

Agree with all of the above: stories about his daughter, any friendships or little anecdotes. They are so valuable.

I was in a similar situation last year, writing to the bereaved mum of someone close to me who killed themself. I chose a card with a scene on that was a special place for the deceased, and wrote inside that I was thinking of her, that her son was widely loved and admired, I included some lovely memories & anecdotes that she wouldn’t have known about, and said she was in my thoughts during her grief and would remain so.