To think being in your 30s is....

[Crushrush82]

I'm only 2 years in . But being in my 30s feels really different to say mid twenties. On a positive note. My confidence has improved massively in the last few years. I feel comfortable in my clothes, my makeup and i have less hangups now. But I've noticed loads of little things have crept up on me.

A rubbish one being. My body is not the same as it was. Since having my second child aged 28 I've ended up with heavy periods, neck and back problems and anemic. I miss being flexible and energised.

I've noticed that the 40 year olds that looked like grandads to me at 21 now look quite sexy. Infact anything from 25-45 could get my attention (only kidding as I'm in a relationship)

I feel very nostalgic at this age. Looking back on music and school days. Old times with friends. How times have changed. How makeup has changed. It's so much harder to be young now isn't it? But I do feel envious sometimes that those days are over for me.

I feel like everyone is getting older and it scares me. Parents. Friends. Everything. I think I'm more aware now that people are getting older and getting more problems. It's sad sometimes when I see how people have aged around me and remember them 20 years ago full of energy.

I am in a long term relationship. But I go through stages where I think. I will never get to experience those first feelings again. I would love to just do all that again once more. Fall in love. Get to know someone.

I have young children and I can't believe how fast time goes. My five year old is up to my chest now and my baby is nearly three. I remember their births like they were five minutes ago and I struggle to understand how we got here lol.

I still look quite young. But sometimes now I think how many more years before I'm grey and have lines and a middle aged look about me lol.

Anyone want to add? I honestly feel so aware that life is short right now and I miss being a carefree 20 year old sometimes.

I know you sent regret things either but I wish I had been more confident ten years ago.

I'm feeling a bit down about being 30 tbh. I feel so inadequate because I've not settled down.

I look back and think my 30s passed in a blur of child rearing (and working FT). It wasn’t unenjoyable, but I think I was ‘getting by’. My 40s have been awesome - career peaked, financially comfortable, best shape of my life, DC are teens and are just lovely, and friends are also out the other side so we have more time for each other.

Thanks, OP.

Yes, I know it's a cliche that when you are young, the world is full of possibilities. But every year that passes reveals another thing that I now realise won't ever happen in real life! Eg when I got to 25, I realised I probably wouldn't be discovered as a pop star after all!
More recently I've realised I'm not going to ever be at the top of my profession, I'll probably just be doing it as a job to pay the bills. But that's ok tbh, the grass is always greener.

There was another thread on here recently about things people wished they'd known in their 30s. I really wish I'd known when I was younger:

1. Low sugar, not low fat is the answer!
2. Don't buy things! Avoid credit card debt and save even just a little a month.

I'm now trying to build a life that will work in my 40s and beyond - mostly based on minimalism, actually.

I was miserable for lot of my 20s, a traumatic bereavement and subsequent depression meant it was pretty awful. When I turned 26 I lost a lot of weight and decided to try and enjoy life, had a fun carefree year and then met my husband at 27 and he really helped me find an even keel. I'm 32 now and had my first baby last May and strangely don't feel any different. I am much happier in my 30s and see that the stuff I enjoyed in my 20s wasn't that important. I do unfortunately still have the social anxiety and low self esteem now and then but deal with it much better. I look a bit older but not by much. Have more money, a career and better friends, though not as many as I'd like!

32 is still really young but of course closer to being 'old' than your 20s. I think I miss being able to do whatever I want with no mum guilt but it's worth it.

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@thecatsthecats your daydreams will definitely not feature your children, trust me

I'm 30. I'm much more confident than I was when I was 20. I really think it's true that the older you get, the less of a shit you give what people think of you. I much prefer my life now than my life when I was 20. I'm a single parent, I was with DS's dad when I was 20 and I prefer being single.

Much harder to keep weight off now though. [/quote]
Haha! It's nice to hear that from someone with experience!

I think my husband would be quite upset if he knew the extent to which I daydream, but to me it's always been a pastime (I write, too).

But it freaks me out to know that some of them DEFINITELY won't happen, you know?

The grass is definitely always greener. Someone is always envious of everyone too I'm sure.

I just can feel myself changing and leaving parts of life behind and also gaining wisdom and confidence.

I can't imagine a life without daydreaming at bedtime. It's lovely to unwind and forget reality for a while. Helps you sleep better too. My daydreams tend to stem from something I've watched usually. The fact you are creative and write is amazing. I wish I had that talent. I think it's natural to wonder. Sometimes it's easy to think everyone else is having more fun than you. If I'm having a boring weekend I tend to convince myself other people are having so much fun. Or I'll think if I was like that or going out with them I'd be doing so much more.

I'm definitely in the thick of parenting right now though and I mostly love it. But I go through stages when I think I should be doing more than this.

I try and think of a hobby I could take up sometimes but I don't want to go to the gym or anything. I'm not into sport. But everything else seems impossible with kids around.

Maybe I'm having a mini midlife crises

I feel so inadequate because I've not settled down.

Noooo, your 30's are for having fun, not for settling down. Enjoy yourself!!

I understand how you feel ! I'm 30 in a few months, no longer have the same metabolism, hairs sprouting on my chin, back pain, periods last longer for some reason.
Not a homeowner, no kids and not married, but recognise that I did put up with a lot rubbish relationships in my 20s and that I was a huge people pleaser.

OP I could have written your post! Infact I’ve been tempted to start a thread on this many times. I’m 37 and have two DC (3yrs and 8 months). For pretty much all of this year I have been thinking so much about age, life, death!! I think it’s a combination of my parents getting older and I guess, seeing people of the same age passing away. I also really vividly remember my mum being around 40 (I must have been 7ish and up) an can’t believe that is me now!! Life seems to be going quicker and quicker and I sometimes feel scared about this. I feel scared to not be able to call myself young anymore!! (When does that stop btw, have I passed it already?! )
I think these feelings are pretty common in your 30’s, especially if you’re “done” with your kids. It’s quite sad to think that chapter of your life has closed.

@CrypticQueen

I look back and think my 30s passed in a blur of child rearing (and working FT). It wasn’t unenjoyable, but I think I was ‘getting by’. My 40s have been awesome - career peaked, financially comfortable, best shape of my life, DC are teens and are just lovely, and friends are also out the other side so we have more time for each other.

This is what I'm hoping for when I reach 40s.

I'm 30 in two days so I'll let you know

Echoing others it's the being a parent that stops you being carefree. If you had your kids aged 20 you wouldn't have spent the decade being carefree.

A lot of my child free friends are having a wild ride in their 30s. When you're covered I sick and haven't showered in days it's easy to feel old and crap x

I’m 34 and ageing rapidly, it’s funny how I can see the wrinkles appearing and I’m less slim and fit than ever yet I’m also somehow more confident than I’ve ever been. I wish I could tell the slim, toned, fresh faced young woman of even 5 or so years ago, to appreciate it!

I agree!

I've 2 stone to lose but feel a lot more confident in myself!

However I'm aware that for my health I need to get that 2 stone off, which is easier as my boys are getting older so I can now find time for exercise, am less knackered from lack of sleep etc!

The lack of sleep is the killer. I think that has aged my eyes.

When you wake up your time just isn't your own, there is always a load of chores to do all the goddamn time. I miss lazing in bed at the weekend watching films.

...brilliant! I know personal experience will dictate your opinion, but I am so much happier, calmer and more self-accepting than I was in my 20s. I do regret being so hard on myself and working so hard during my 20s as now I wish I'd perhaps travelled more and had a bit more fun, but I'm halfway through my 30s and think it is a great age. We enjoy our careers, have a family and have a much more laid back/ chilled out approach to life.

Yes to having more confidence. I am also convinced I need to get fit now because it will be too difficult when I hit 40, that is an entirely unsubstantiated fear but it keeps me awake at night!

But it was only yesterday (17 years ago) that I did my A Levels so I'm very aware that time goes super fast and I don't know what I've done with it.

The house chores are relentless. That's true that if I had my kids younger I'd be at a different stage now.

I am so glad to hear other people have similar feelings and things.

I think metabolism definitely slows down. I used to eat a 12 inch pizza to myself. Now I have 3-4 slices max. I get fuller easier and I feel rubbish the next day after a takeaway.

I definitely don't get enough sleep now. I remember Sundays in bed watching Hollyoaks and eating bacon buttys literally lazed around all day.

Do you find certain songs will trigger of your youth and you end up missing that era of your school days etc?

I think you start realising your limits more too. When me and my partner went through a 7 year itch and seemed to be living seperate lives I can remember thinking about moving on. Meeting someone else to share my life with. Then it hit me that I literally can't do that. It would be such a mess and the thought of splitting the family up and seeing the kids part time was awful. But thankfully we sorted things out. Sometimes though when you are doing relentless amounts of washing and your boyfriend is watching top gear downstairs you start thinking there has got to be more than this don't you? I suppose this is more the long term thing than my age! It never mattered in those first few years. But now it's realising that this is it for the rest of my life. I've committed to this man, these children, this home and this lifestyle.

Also yes to random hairs sprouting. Why the hell do I get 2-3 chin hairs when I'm on my period

I feel I'm babbling on now. Just trying to respond to everyone a little.

Yes, like a PP I remember when my own mother was my age (37). She seemed like a proper grown-up. She had a 4 bedroom house, career, husband and 2 children. Whereas I'm still making my way with work, have a 2 bed flat and a cat! In some ways, the same as I was when I was about 23!

I don't feel like a genuine grown up yet. I wonder what age you finally feel like a real grown up with everything together. I still haven't learned to keep up with the house and my garden really needs some work. I feel like until everything is how I want it I'll never feel sorted.

I'm loving my 30s. I'm more self assured then I was in my 20s. My kids aren't babies anymore which is sad but brilliant all at the same time.

I'm about to change career which I didn't have the guts to do 10 years ago.

I feel I know what my style is and I really couldn't care what others think about the way I dress or style my hair.

I'm more than happy to confront misogyny at work which I just didn't know how to in my 20s/ didn't feel I could as I was 'young'

30s are brilliant and I'm hoping in a few years time when I hit 40 that will also be awesome.

100% OP I could of literally written your post and all your comments! I'm 32 and feel like this year has hit me hard the realisation that I am actually an adult and this is my life. Lockdown and not seeing friends/being able to go out definitely hasn't helped. I heard a song today that reminded me of nights out and I had a fantasy day dream about being 10 years younger and being out, singing and dancing and chatting up random guys lol

Interesting thread. I'm mid-late 20s and still feel very young so when people ask me if I have kids I feel a bit shocked and have to resist saying Jesus no! So people saying 30 odd feels old makes me a bit sad, I hope I don't feel that way. I do feel sad noticing loved ones age more around me however.

Haha I definitely don't feel like a grown up... even though I'm 30, married, pregnant, own a house, have a job etc...
I remember my mum's 40th birthday party (she had me at 28 so I was 11 or 12) so it's weird to think that's only 10 years away! 10 years ago at 20 I didn't feel that different lol

@Pinkyandthebrainz I still reply with "God no"... then remember my actual age and that it's a totally reasonable question!

When we got married I remember feeling like we were kids who weren't really allowed, and at some point someone would tell us not to be so silly! (I was 28!)