Help me be a better, tidier person

[Sonnamabitch]

I’m a mum of 3. All my live I’ve struggled with being tidy. I hate tidying! Any sort of house work infact.
It overwhelms me and I just sink into myself and basically hide. I’ve no idea why I do this?
I did suffer terribly with anxiety, and it’s mostly under control now. But I quite literally, just can’t be bothered to do anything! I’m looking around thinking ‘what’s the point of spending a couple of hours cleaning and tidying, for the kids to just balls it up again within minutes and I’m back at square one

I need this help too. I feel it's a constant battle. One minute my house is as spotless as can be, the next a bomb has gone off. There's not enough time in the world to keep a house fully tidy and yet most other people manage it.

Oh I’ve been there. It feels utterly pointless when your DC are small and don’t understand the concept of putting things back.

I actually love tidying. I find it really therapeutic and get a big kick out of seeing it all sitting beautifully when it’s done. But it takes so maybe time and is destroyed so quickly so the motivation to do it is hard to find.

What you could do is just tidy your own room. Spend time getting it all organised and tidy and ban the children from going in it. That way you always have one tidy space that’s yours and no one can mess up. Even if the rest often house is a disaster, that’s your retreat.

Tidiness isn't really next to godliness, you know.

If my home is tidy, I feel so much better in my own head. I’ve recently come out of a long term relationship and life is just a little bit shit.
I want to be that mother who bakes cakes with her children, goes on adventures with them. But I can’t find the motivation. I just can’t. I’m sat in bed now, kids are watching a movie downstairs. I just don’t want to move

You may be depressed OP. Very normal when big life changes (like a relationship ending) happen.

Yes I get that I probably am. But I’ve always been like this

Perhaps you should talk to your GP and ask for some antidepressants.

That being said the key to being tidy and consistently so is having small routines and everything in its place.

There used to be “fly lady” threads on here all about keeping on top of your house.

And remember what takes 5 minutes before bad takes far far longer the next day!

Try this-
Open all the windows

Stick a wash on and strip all the beds. Put fresh bedding on. Put away ALL laundry and get your children to help. Leave them piles to put away in their rooms.

While you’re waiting for your wash-
Fill the sink with very hot water and a splash of your chosen detergent. Clear and wipe all the surfaces down in the kitchen. If you have a dishwasher-load and run it. If you don’t, stack it neatly and wash/dry it.

Vacuum downstairs - get kids to pick up toys and store them. Big baskets/boxes from Ikea or similar are your friend here.

Fluff up the sofa and cushions.

Hang out the wash

Bathrooms tomorrow.

Can you get a cleaner?
Can some family or friends help?
Is there a partner to help out?
You have to force yourself, you may never want to jump out abd dust but you just get on and do it. Count 3 2 1 then jump out and do it.
Declutter as much as poss.

Marie Kondo brutally and to the letter! 4 years on it has completely stuck. If you can afford it get a cleaner for a couple of hours a week /fortnight as it will be great for your mental health.

Also how a tidy house doesn't make you a good person

You just have to keep doing. Teeth need doing twice a day, bath needed everyday, food needed regularly. You dont just brush your teeth once and then get annoyed they got dirty the next day. House is for living in, its not a show home with live in cleaning staff, you just have to force yourself to do it everyday. Tidy people tidy up everyday on autopilot. Force yourself and in 6 months to a year of daily cleaning you will be like that.

I have a similar problem OP, I find it very hard to just get up and do. Something about starting an activity is very difficult for me so I never become as organised and tidy as I want to be. Once I do get going I can work, but my lack of motivation is a hindrance. I suspect I might be on an ADD spectrum since many members of my family are, but mildly. I try to read up on coping mechanisms to see if I can use those helpful strategies myself.

I agree that you should get yourself checked for depression but it might be worth exploring if you have ADD or similar. If nothing else maybe it would help you to forgive yourself and not spiral into self-loathing.

I already take antidepressants. Have done for a few years now.
My ex was always on at me to be tidier. But I resented it so much because it was all down to me. No one else lifted a finger. EXH would eventually ‘tidy’ but not properly. More just move the shot from one place to another, in no order at all. When I do get a cleaning/tidying fit on me, I really go for it. And it feels great afterwards and I feel house-proud. But getting the motivation to actually do it, very rarely happens. I piss myself off!

@Sonnamabitch

I already take antidepressants. Have done for a few years now. My ex was always on at me to be tidier. But I resented it so much because it was all down to me. No one else lifted a finger. EXH would eventually ‘tidy’ but not properly. More just move the shot from one place to another, in no order at all. When I do get a cleaning/tidying fit on me, I really go for it. And it feels great afterwards and I feel house-proud. But getting the motivation to actually do it, very rarely happens. I piss myself off!

I relate to the lack of motivation into a tidying my frenzy...... I wonder in myself does it mean I have combination of depression/overwhelm and ADD

I thinj in terms of maintenance, having less crap really helps , the crap you’ve actually got being kept in a place, even if it’s a designated box for things that don’t have a home.

Op come over to the fly lady thread in housekeeping!

Link me up @THATbasicWITCH

I have four children and its a Nightmare even trying to get the place looking semi-clean!

@Sonnamabitch

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/4038431-Fledglings-Flying-Frightfully-into-October?msgid=101218546#101218546

That may work. I am bad at links

That’s great. Thanks
Well I did the dishes and fed the kids. That’s enough excitement for one day! Is it bedtime yet?