jealous of her

[peaspe]

NC as almost certainly outing. I know I need a kick up the backside. My best friend has been promoted and is now earning 60k at 35. I know it’s not masses of money but she has her own home 50% owned and is in a job she loves. Instead I’m on 25k in a job I hate, not even a career. I can’t see a way out of it. I know it’s not her fault but when she’s chatting away and saying oh god just got a utility bill in like it’s the worst thing in the world it makes me feel stressed about my own circumstances. She lives alone and I know that’s not easy and I have my partners income too but even with that we only just earn what she does. I’m finding it hard to talk to her and I admit some of it is jealousy and job related for myself. I don’t want to lose a friend over it. I know I’m probably being a shit friend but the jealousy is taking over whenever I speak to her.

It sounds like you need to retrain and give yourself a chance to earn more OP. It's just misplaced ambition...that's what you're feeling you know.

Practice being kind to her and supporting her. The more you give the more you get back Op.

I think you are feeling what many others will feel!

What you’re earning is fine, and if you and your partners combined income is £60k you’re doing fine.

What’s not ok is that you hate your job. Life’s too short! Make a list of everything you like doing or jobs that appeal to you, and see what path you’d need to take to get there. If you need further qualifications to get there, start to look at how you could manage financially. Would college be part of full time etc. It doesn’t matter how long it takes as you’d be on the path to your dream job/career. If it isn’t qualifications you need but experience, look into how you could get it. Maybe volunteering? Try to talk to people in similar roles.

How much someone else earns won’t matter to you nearly so much when you’re doing a job that makes you happy. Good luck, and well done for admitting how you feel

How long have you been friends? I noticed it happening - with all of us at some point - when we stopped being "equal" at uni, all broke and single, and people's circumstances started to change as we got older.

Some were getting married while others were single and upset about it.

Some raced ahead in their careers while others stayed in basic underpaid employment.

Some had babies while others desperately wanted them and it wasn't happening for them.

There's always going to be something others have that you don't. And almost everyone has felt jealous at times. All you can do is work on yourself.

I have the husband and the baby now, but feel a bit jealous of my friends earnings. So I'm doing something about it. Embrace the jealousy and use it as motivation! And if you can't change your financial situation right now, don't give yourself a hard time for being jealous - it's a normal human emotion. Just recognise that it's about you and not her, so you don't ruin what is hopefully an otherwise positive relationship.

Sorry, that last bit sounded harsh it wasn't meant to be. But genuine friends are hard to come by and it would be a shame if this came between you.

Why did you even know what she earns? I couldn’t tell you what my friends’ salaries are.

And perhaps she is looking at you thinking how lucky you are in other aspects of your lives.

If you hate your job, you’d still hate it and be on the same money even if your friend was in a different position and earning less than you.

What @FortunesFave said. Reframe it as your misplaced ambition, and see it as an opportunity to change your life so that you work in a job you don't hate, with the opportunity for more money.

Hi OP.
I feel the same with regards to a sibling. They’re much more successful than me, earn more money and just more together in general.

I think all you can do is push yourself to achieve more. It’s hard I know.