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Original poster

Working full time with a toddler

22 replies

Spottyspottyladybird · 26/10/2020 21:07

After finishing mat leave a year ago I went back to work 4 days a week. An opportunity has come up to work 5 days a week at a higher pay grade. I really enjoy my one day off during the week but part of me thinks this is a great opportunity to move up the career ladder.. it would mean my daughter going to nursery 3 days a week (currently she goes 2 days) , she spends the other days with either dad / grandparents. If you work full-time with a toddler how do you find it and how do you mange day to day? And for anyone WWYD in my situation? I feel guilty about the idea of loosing our day together. But at the same time feel like maybe this is a good opportunity and would help financially, meaning we could spend quality time at the weekend... im really torn..

OP posts:

polkadotpixie · 26/10/2020 21:16

I started working 4 days after maternity leave but went up to 5 days because I was skint. It's fine although a bit of a relentless grind sometimes!

Could you negotiate condensed hours over 4 days or a 9 day fortnight?

JoJoSM2 · 27/10/2020 06:27

I think you should go for it. Sounds like a good career move and you want it. I don’t work but DH works full time/long hours. Bath time isn’t till 7.30 so that he gets a chance to do it most weekdays to spend time with DS.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 27/10/2020 07:01

Tricky. I’ve always worked full-time (returning from mat leave after a year) because I couldn’t afford to do otherwise. I love my job and value my career trajectory, but I do find it really hard and often fantasise about cutting my hours.

That said - one of the things that puts me off going to 4 days is because I think the workload wouldn’t reduce proportionately and I’d end up having to still pretty much do the same amount of work I am now, just for less money. So my question is, is the same true for you in reverse, to any extent?

The other question is whether there are any risks for you in not being seen to take up this opportunity - will it be assumed you’re not sufficiently prioritising your work, will future opportunities be less likely to come your way etc?

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Childcare & nursery Families

eurochick · 27/10/2020 07:36

I was full time from when my baby was six months old as I was offered a new job with a promotion on mat leave and it wasn't really a role I could do part time. TBH it was tough when she was small. Life just seemed relentless and I missed her. But if I hadn't taken that job I would have stagnated where I was and I'm now in a good place career-wise so long term it was worth it.

mdh2020 · 27/10/2020 07:55

You need to think about your career and your own mental well being. Before you look round she will be in school. Just make sure you make time for her at the weekend.

AllTheNames · 27/10/2020 07:56

I'm due to go back in the new year after a very extended maternity leave. I'm hoping to do 4.5 days in 4 so an extra hour or so every day. Is this an option for you?

Slat3 · 27/10/2020 07:58

Ive two children - 3&5 - and worked full time throughout although did take over a year off with each. I’m expecting DC3 and will also go back full time.

I was in the position re promotion & decided to take it, I can’t stifle being ambitious even though I have kids. I love mine loads but the one thing that helps massively is that they aren’t in nursery full time which is really reassuring to me as there dad/grandparents took the reins 2-3 times a week.

They are both in school now (nursery and reception) 5 days a week and due to WFH I am doing school pick ups too so it’s absolutely fine. I’m really glad I didn’t go PT and lose out on furthering my career.

There’s no right or wrong, it’s just how YOU feel x

Hardbackwriter · 27/10/2020 08:01

I worked full-time from 6 months until when DS had just turned two, when I went down to 4.5 days a week condensed over four. I do much prefer it now and I'm glad I did it but it was perfectly liveable and I'd do it again if the circumstances were a promotion I really wanted. I did have to be a lot more organised and it was more tiring. DH and I both went from full-time to four days at nearly the same time - if your partner is home one day during the week that'll make it a bit easier, too.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/10/2020 08:03

I had a year of 4days after mat leave but then had to go back full time, my LO too was either with her dad (self employed) or 3 days at nursery.
Pros and cons- of course I missed her but, I negotiated a higher salary which was a huge weight off my shoulders, toddlers are exhausting (much harder than a baby imo) so the break was a relief. Also nursery has been fantastic for my child, she’s a summer born baby and I think it was important for her to be as familiar with a learning setting early on.
I’d wake up and pick out her clothes and have breakfast with her, dad would FaceTime me in the day, I’d be home for bath and book and cuddle.
Now I’m about to start my second mat leave with a good package I think because I was full time - so I’m grateful I built back those earning years and we have months together with the new baby before she starts school.

Hardbackwriter · 27/10/2020 08:04

I think you also have to be realistic about how likely the opportunity is to come around again. If the next grade up comes up often then that's one thing, but I often see people say on MN that 'your career will always be there later when your DC are older' and I just don't think that's true for most people in that you're unlikely to get the same opportunities again.

FolkSongSweet · 27/10/2020 08:06

I went back to work full time when DS was 11 months. He was in childcare 4 days and DH had him 1 day. I enjoy my job and am the breadwinner but I wouldn’t have wanted him in childcare 5 days a week so if DH hadn’t done 4 days then I would have. Since you’re lucky enough to have grandparents and a partner to help with that then I wouldn’t hesitate for a second - sounds like a great move for you.

VashtaNerada · 27/10/2020 08:08

I worked FT from when each of my DCs reached six months just because we couldn’t afford me not to. They similarly had three days nursery and two days with GPs which was great. Never regretted it, still have a lovely relationship with both DCs.

FolkSongSweet · 27/10/2020 08:08

Oh and agree completely with @OnlyFoolsnMothers - going back full time for 18 months before my second mat leave (which has just started, DS will be 2.5 when baby is born) means that I’m getting full pay on mat leave, got a promotion and have really built on my reputation at work leaving me in a good position for when I go back which is all really valuable.

Dozer · 27/10/2020 08:11

I was surprised to find that I much preferred it to PT, and you’re in a better position than I was re childcare. I found PT terrible at work - discrimination, basically, and some bad luck with bosses - and that affected me negatively at home and mental health wise, plus DC2 was a proper ‘threenager’ so I didn’t enjoy my non working day!

Dozer · 27/10/2020 08:12

Also agree that promotion opportunities aren’t to be sniffed at . I haven’t managed to get a promotion since having DC (eldest is now secondary age).

Thirtyrock39 · 27/10/2020 08:19

I was recently in a similar position (although I didn't end up getting the job!) and my main reservation was how much I love my day off. If I had got the job I would have probably started doing online food shopping and got a cleaner. I was actually relieved to not get the job as full time seemed to much for me but I have a Dh who is never here so everything at home falls to me

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/10/2020 09:02

Also to add, I’m well aware that it’s probably more
Important to have flexibility once children are at school. There’s homework, play dates, shorter hours- so if you can work in the earlier years to allow flexi time, time off for assemblies etc in the later years I think that’s worth it!

SarahAndQuack · 27/10/2020 09:07

I'd do it. I don't know how old 'toddler' goes, but my DP was four days a week until recently and it just became obvious DD was not actually enjoying her treasured 'mummy day,' but missing nursery! They're heartless little things. She's three and a half, and she's thriving on full time nursery, and DP is finding work is suddenly taking her much more seriously.

Prior to that, when DD was two and a half, I went back full time (DP dropped to four days at that point), and I bloody loved it. I felt sane again.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 27/10/2020 10:22

I worked full time from when DS was 2 until 4. It was hard but DH worked away and we didn’t have any family support which meant I was responsible for everything Monday to Friday. DS was in nursery full time and thankfully loved it.

I actually went from self employed to doing the above and even though it was bloody hard at times, it was definitely worth and I would do it again. I am now in a secure public sector role with good benefits and have had a promotion. DS is just turned 7 and I do 4 days (since he started school, when they allowed me to drop my hours). This actually works better now he is at school as I can always swap my days round a bit to get to all school events and also do a an afterschool play date some weeks. I do sometimes think about going back full time, particularly because of the impact on pension, but that one day off gives me so much flexibility - DH works in a very male industry so they are sexist dinosaurs not family friendly, which makes my flexibility even more valuable

In your situation, with DH/grandparents taking all the strain on two days I would absolutely go back full time for a promotion.

mindutopia · 27/10/2020 10:33

I would definitely take it if working 0.8FTE isn't an option. I have worked 0.8FTE (4 days) and I've worked full-time (compressed into 4 9-10 hour days) since mine was 11 months. It's been absolutely fine. He's in nursery full days 4 days a week. The fact that yours would be having quality time with his dad and grandparents is great. Personally, I like my day off and I don't need to work 5 days as I earn quite well, but my day off is really for me rather than him. If there was no option to do that, yes, I'd take the full-time position. If your partner is home one day with him, then he can get all the jobs done that you might normally do on your day off, so life should still be organised.

Lauren83 · 27/10/2020 13:10

I have a 1 and 2 year old and recently increased my working days from 4 to 5 for a promotion. It was the right thing for me and I'm glad I did if

anon444877 · 27/10/2020 13:14

I've done both 5 and 4 days with toddlers (different children) it doesn't sound as though yours will lose out because 3 days in nursery is still not that much, and they still have 4 days with family care so you can progress without worrying their development is impaired. I would take it - you can possibly cut your hours later from a higher salary once established in the step up.

One of went to full time nursery and although we benefitted as a family massively im not sure that was a good call.

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