Ex is smoking when kids stay with him

[thefourgp]

They’ve just come home after being there for a week and I had to get them to immediately shower and change because they were stinking of smoke. He’s always smoked outside his flat when they’ve stayed before but this time he was smoking inside the flat. I don’t want them breathing in poison. I’m so sick of bickering with him I’m just writing straight to his solicitor. Anyone else had this problem?

I’m not sure there’s much you can do, sorry.

How old are the DC? Could you teach them to say they don’t like being around smoke?

And what do you think a solicitor is going to do?

They’re 8 and 10. I’ll tell them to say they don’t like it but he won’t care. He’s never put their needs before his own. It’s so frustrating.

I’m sending a letter to his solicitor anyway about our divorce. They’re awaiting my reply so I’ll just add a paragraph about the smoking. It probably won’t make any difference but I can but try. He takes them to his parents for three nights each time he had them for a week. His mum’s a smoker and I know she always insists they both smoke outside.

It won’t make any difference at all and will only aggravate what already sounds like a fairly difficult split. He’s not doing anything illegal.

Was he a smoker when you were together?

He was a smoker when we were together but always smoked outside our house.

I'm wondering what you think solicitors will do? There's no law against smoking in your own house. It's not pleasant, and I don't smoke myself. But he's not doing anything illegal.

Tell them to leave the room when he starts smoking, that's all you can do

That's awful! It would make me stop letting them go there tbh. I wouldn't involve the solicitors though, do you ever text him about pick up times etc? I'd send a very polite text (in case he uses it against you) asking him to stop for the children's sake. If he does it the next time then I'd cancel the following visit citing your concerns. Or could he hang out of a window to smoke?

lifestooshort123 that’s a terrible thing to say. The father is a parent too and you can’t deny him access to his children because you disapprove of his completely legal lifestyle.

He's endangering the children's health, so while it may be legal, it's certainly not something the OP should just accept.

I can’t text him about this. I’ve had to block him on everything due to him harassing me in the past. I agree that while it may be legal he’s endangering our children’s health. However, I know I need to pick my battles and this is not something I would stop his access over.

@FeckArseDrinkGirls

lifestooshort123 that’s a terrible thing to say. The father is a parent too and you can’t deny him access to his children because you disapprove of his completely legal lifestyle
So it's OK, in your mind, for him to put their welfare at risk because he's too damn lazy to go outside for a fag? It's nothing to do with whether I personally disapprove or not (and my partner is a smoker), it's about what's best for the children and filling their lungs with 2nd-hand smoke wouldn't win the award for parent of the year.

Of course it’s not great to be smoking in the same building as kids, especially as it’s so easy to just go outside. It is totally legal though and very common for an awful lot of families.

It gives ridiculous groups such as Fathers For Justice ammunition when one parent decides that they can just prevent the other parent from seeing their own children because they are doing something they disapprove of.

How awful op. My birth mother smoked around me and it aggravated my asthma to the point where I was hospitalised several times as a child. Nothing would make her give up or even cut down, she just did as she pleased. I needed special equipment to help me breathe. I'm an absolutely fine and happy adult now and we don't speak but I've always hated smoking and it brings back such awful memories for me. No parent should smoke imo, it really is a killer and I will never forget my hospital experiences.

Also I agree with telling the children to leave the room. Not much else u can do sadly.

I’m sorry to hear that @firstimemamma. I think it’s really selfish to smoke inside a home with children in it. There’s no excuse. The fact that it’s legal is irrelevant. A good parent would go outside because that’s not a huge inconvenience.

Thanks for your kind words op and I hope your ex comes to his senses or you find some other solution e.g children leaving the room