How to stop worrying about things?

[burglarbettybaby]

I have improved over the years. I used to lose sleep as a teen for homework not being good enough etc. Now I don't worry too much but still there are niggles all the time.

For example I volunteered for a role and did my time and left and was made to feel guilty. Most people don't volunteer or care so now I am the bad guy when I did this for a couple of years. Or I worry I've made a joke and it's taken up the wrong way so it stops me from talking to people as much.
I accidentally split water one day on someone at work and still feel embarrassed

I wish I could just enjoy my life and not feel like this everyday.

It doesnt help that my mother criticised me all my life and still does except I ignore and limit contact. I had a friend who often put me down in a covert way so she would feel better about herself. I just end up on my own with my thoughts then.

Morning OP,

Have you tried writing things down? I ignored this advice for many years lazy but it has helped me massively.

I usually detail what I’m worried about and how it’s making me feel. I then ask myself if I have any control over the situation.

If I have no control (e.g. anxious over somebody's opinion of me), I write to myself that I need to relax, that worrying about this is pointless and that no amount of overthinking is going to change this situation. I try to point out the positives in the situation too. It makes me feel a lot more self assured when I talk to myself like this.

If it is something that can be changed, I then spend time writing down a plan of action on how to do so.

It seems really simple but it helps to organise my thoughts. It also feels like I’m transferring all the thoughts whirring around in my brain over to the paper or notes app on my phone.

I hope this can be of some help to you

hank You welcome I will try that. I googled there and am going to try the head space app too.

I am so bothered people won't like me that I forget to think what do I want. I can't tell people when they do something I don't like (I can talk to dh but at work I lead people and have had many take the pi**).

I try and avoid conflict and usually do but this latest issue is one out of my control and I got so much very direct anger (think something along the lines of no longer aciting as a brownie leader in an area hundreds could volunteer but won't)

I think the main thing that helped me when I was worrying about if people liked me or not is realising that not everyone will, and that’s actually ok. I worked in a workplace where the majority of my colleagues had completely different mindsets and humour to me and I was looked at like I had two heads every time I spoke. The only people that matter are the ones who smile at unfunny jokes and who do not think twice over an accidental water spillages

When I have important meetings I write out (again! sorry) what actions I’m not happy with and why, it helps to justify it in my mind and make it a clear cut argument. I find if I don’t do this I go too much into my own feelings during my argument which is never a good look. People will forever take the piss if they know they’re not going to be called out for their actions.

You volunteered for two years to do something many others will not even contemplate doing, well done! You should be being praised for this!