What do I do about surprise baby shower

[surprisebabyshower]

I've just found out that my friends are trying to throw me a surprise baby shower. I am very grateful that they're thinking of me but I'm not comfortable with it for a number of reasons;

1. It's my second baby and I feel it's a bit silly to have a baby shower for my second. I wouldn't feel comfortable with people giving me lots of gifts.

1. There's no household visiting allowed at all where I live. Our own parents haven't been in the house since September.

1. While it's entirely likely that once the baby is born our immediate family will visit to meet the baby (and support me as DH can't take paternity leave) I don't think it's wise to have lots of households mixing inside at a party.

1. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and really think it would be irresponsible of me to attend a party in someone's house at the moment incase I get ill. I've no idea how many people would even be there.

1. As far as I understand one friend would invite me over and then surprise me with other people there? It's a bit risky to organise this without knowing how someone would feel about it in the middle of a pandemic isn't it?

I'm honestly not the covid police but this feels a step too far for me tbh.

I feel really ungrateful but I'm not sure what to do now tbh? Wait until I'm invited to house and say I'm being very careful as the baby is due in a couple of weeks? I'd feel terrible if they'd spent money and effort on this though.

Any advice?

Start dropping big hints about not going anywhere and being really careful.

They're doing such a nice thing but they're putting you in a horrible position. No chance it's via zoom?

You aren't being ungrateful at all, you should tell them how you feel now before it goes any further.

I m 39 weeks now but a couple of months ago, my friends openly said to me that they wanted to do a suprise baby shower but they wanted to know for sure what I would be comfortable with so they asked me. I m so grateful they did as I didnt want to do anything in person and they did a wonderful virtual one for me including getting food delivered to me, and it was so thoughtful and I didn't have to worry about what if I sat too close to someone and got ill. I m sorry that they ve not thought to check if you had any concerns at this time.

Just be clear: “I am really torn over this, but I know you’d want me to be open with you-I’ve heard you’re planning a shower and I have to say it’s not what I want, for x y z reasons. It would be lovely to see you for (insert preferred ok activity) before the baby is born. Love from SBS”

Don’t drop any hints at all. Just speak directly to your friend who is organising, tell her you’ve found out the plan, you’re really grateful but that you can’t go ahead with it. Blame covid entirely.

It's definitely not via zoom.

I think I will have to speak to them about it. I feel bad as I know they're only trying to be nice. They've all been socialising in each other's houses as normal, which is obviously up to them but I feel that they'll think I'm being a stickler.

It would be lovely to see you for (insert preferred ok activity) before the baby is born.

The sad thing is that it's so restricted here only 2 households can meet at once and no bars or restaurants are open so there really isn't any way to get together unless it's 1 on 1 in a cold garden or park. That's obviously because cases have been rising rapidly though.

I'd absolutely hate this. I'd make it clear that if I caught wind of it being planned I would not be turning up.

People may thing it's a "nice" thing to do, but it's not nice if
a) you don't want it
b) it's currently illegal
c) it's possibly a risk to yours and their health

Definitely speak to one of them. Just say that you're very grateful they're thinking of you, especially as it's not your first, it's quite often a bit rubbish the second time around wuth no one making a fuss!

Ask if you can do it via Zoom/Skype/whatever you all have.

If you can't tell your friends you're 'staying home/avoiding Covid' when your heavily pregnant then that's a pretty bad show.
You need to stay well & strong for the birth fir your sake, the babies sake, DH&DC

AND the hospital staff.

You're not being OTT, you're being sensible.
The fact that they're all breaking the rules means they're quite high risk too!

As I'm so close to term we're being super careful re COVID. So sorry I won't be able to see you guys for some time. I'll make sure we have a zoom call after the baby is here. We've still got all the baby bits we need tbh but if anyone wanted to buy the baby something, baby wipes or nappies would be fantastic or an outfit in size x. I miss you all x

I would have to be honest. The thought of walking into something and being ambushed as a surprise party makes me want to cry, quite apart from the COVID stuff!