Just called the Samaritans and....

[ParisianLady]

...she suggested that I go for a walk or into the garden. 'Often a walk makes you feel better'

Just as others say, they are for listening, but at the risk of being virtually shouted at, being outside can actually help.

It’s well documented so not an unreasonable suggestion but of course not suitable for everyone.

Sorry to say that in the past when I was having problems and had no support I phoned the Samaritans. A couple were very kind, listened and let me talk without me feeling as if they were disinterested and wanted the call to end...I realised they could not solve my problems.

I suppose it can be a way of offloading, hearing oneself expressing the relevant details and possibly realising there may be a solution.

Unfortunately 2 times I ended up in a worse state of mind and it was the worst thing I could have done. One man was so rude to me, sharp, told me I didn't care about my sons and totally misunderstood what I was saying [not really listening]. I had phoned because I loved my sons so much. Another lady was not interested, couldn't wait for me to get off the line and told me to have a cuppa and go to bed. Right.

Luckily that was years ago, but I learned never to risk phoning them to get someone who would make me feel a lot worse. [I wasn't ever suicidal, or being dramatic, just distressed and isolated].

I certainly never meant to offend anyone who volunteers to provide these services. You, and they, do a fantastic job. My post was as much as a much needed personal distraction as it was a discussion on the merits of Samaritans.

The lady I spoke to was very kind and calming, and did help, and perhaps her suggestion of a walk was useful (I did end up going outside actually). She did stop me doing what I was going to do by just letting me talk. She did listen in my time of need. I knew when I called that they would listen.

She was asking questions about who I could speak to, clearly trying to get me to talk to someone in real life and to see how far away help was if I needed it. At the time I couldn't see that but I can now.

I'm in a dark place, it ebbs and flows, today was an awful peak.

I honestly hope that I haven't offended anyone. I'm sorry if I have.

I personally have never found just the act of talking helpful. If I want to get my feelings out in that way I just write it down. If I’m going to talk, then I want some feedback, someone to point out alternate views (even if not necessarily a solution). That’s why counselling never worked for me and why I’d never call the Samaritans. Clearly they work for some but it’s not for everyone. Sorry you’ve had this experience OP.

If there’s no one you can talk to in real life, maybe an anonymous forum? (Not necessarily MN! But it’s up to you!). When I was devastated by a break up I got a lot of support from a forum for the broken hearted! Can’t remember what it was called, but a handful of us formed our own group on messenger and it really helped me through a dark time.

You certainly won't have offended any Samaritans Samaritans just don't get offended, if they did they wouldn't last very long

Im sorry to hear about your dark place, and I'm glad the Samaritans helped. Remember, you don't have to be at an awful peak to call. Samaritans understand that it is much better to speak to someone before you reach that peak if you can. Above I talked about lonely people calling - and that is absolutely ok - it may help stop the loneliness deepening. Same with other things, always best to talk to someone before whatever it is starts to completely overwhelm you.

@ParisianLady not offended at all! I just hope you are ok.

Unfortunately mental health services are woefully underfunded in this country, it's terrible that there isn't better and more easily accessible support available. These types of lines can be a big help in the heat of the moment but they are no substitute to proper qualified care, and sadly it's the latter that people often struggle to get (or have very long waiting times for).

I would recommend the text services Shout

She kept asking odd questions: could I call my mum, did I live in a flat, how old were my children.

Not sure about the flat one, and they're not supposed to give advice, but prompting people about real life support networks and loved ones is a research supported way to minimise risk of suicide. Also with the ages of children could be that she's seeing if there are children at risk right now if you were to take any action.

So sorry for how you are feeling and hope you can get the support you need.

I’ll probably be roasted for this but I’m a big girl I can take it. A Voluntary Organisation as well intentioned as it is has no place in the world of Mental Health. These people are not professionals

Sorry to hear you're so low.

My limited understanding is that part of what they try to do is give desperate people just a little bit of space to be able to counter the impulsiveness of some of the urges. My therapist talks about throwing life-buoys: in themselves, they won't save you. But they'll keep you afloat for longer in the hope that something else changes - my most intense urges tend to pass after a couple of hours so if I can just get through that then I'm safer. And absolutely going outside won't fix me and I'd laugh at anyone that suggested that it would. But often if I can manage to get out of the house it makes surviving those hours easier.

But that aside - of the dozens of times I've called samaritans I've had some bad experiences. The majority have been warm, softly-spoken, sympathetic people but some are cold and seemed disapproving or dismissive. My best advice is to hang up ASAP and try again if you aren't feeling good about the call rather than waiting for it to go horribly wrong.

@aww sorry but I disagree vehemently. As with all illnesses there are degrees of severity and sometimes having an objective listening ear can help take a person from a hot panic to a cool calm.

I’ll probably be roasted for this but I’m a big girl I can take it. A Voluntary Organisation as well intentioned as it is has no place in the world of Mental Health. These people are not professionals

I completely agree. The problem is mental health services in the UK are woeful. High risk patients are told to phone Samaritans out of hours. People in secure facilities are told to phone Samaritans. People in assisted living are told to phone Samaritans. Mental health patients cannot access help unless they are actively taking their life. Simply feeling suicidal is not enough.

Samaritans are not trained counsellors or therapists. They are simply a voluntary, friendly ear. Yet many many services refer people to Samaritans all of the time - it is completely inappropriate but when mental health services are so lacking there is little choice.

And of course suicide isn't necessarily a mental health issue.

They are just kind volunteers not highly trained psychiatrists

The suggestions seem ok to me? But then I would never make suggestion in that situation , same in regards to the questions seem sensible questions to me ?
Maybe you are of a mind that everyone is going to puss you off
I couldn't get through which was distressing
Can you volunteer and do better ( serious suggestion for when you feel stronger , as you have been there)
Wish you luck in finding better support x

@Awwlookatmybabyspider no roasting from me as you are perfectly entitled to your opinion, but 'the world of mental health' pretty broad. Simply having a friend or family member to talk things through with can do an enormous amount for some people, and some people don't have that, or find it easier to talk to a stranger. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help and for a lot of people these services allow them to dip their toe in the water and figure out what kind of professional support might best suit their needs.

What's the alternative when professional mental health support is completely overwhelmed as it is?

Rather than removing the likes of Samaritans from those who find it a lifeline, maybe work could be done to improve understanding of what these volunteer services offer and how they work?

I used to be a Samaritan. The person you spoke to was wrong to give you advice or suggestions, unless she said something like "What have you tried so far? and you said "What do you mean?" In which case she might say "Some people find exercise or walks in the country or meeting a friend for coffee helps. Is there anything you've found that makes you feel better?"
@Lifeis10percent I'm sorry you didn't find them useful, but I hope your comment doesn't put off someone who really needs them.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

I’ll probably be roasted for this but I’m a big girl I can take it. A Voluntary Organisation as well intentioned as it is has no place in the world of Mental Health. These people are not professionals

I wholeheartedly disagree with this. I work for a mental health charity. The staff consist of paid staff and trained volunteers, and the NHS refer people to us. Frequently.

Have you got a local mental health out of hours?

I'm a samaritan volunteer.
Do people realise that the reason you dont get anyone answering the phone is because all the volunteers are on calls? It's not like we aren't bothered....but most branches would live to have more people volunteer and be able to offer more hours.

And although I'm glad to be there for people who need us, it does annoy me that people are directed to us after an upsetting TV show or something, as if we are linked to the program and trained to help. I think it's a way of washing their hands of responsibility by TV channels or similar.

I don't have any mental health support at all. My husband says I can talk to him, but then gets cross when I'm 'overly negative' so I can't actually talk to him. He makes half hearted comments about coming home from work when his meeting is finished but never has done (to be fair I tell him not to bother and he doesn't)

I used to have help in place, and actually the NHS was excellent, I had PND and then subsequent pregnancies. I had counselling of some kind (big blur), help with PTSD and medication. I obviously said/did something to trigger this level of care but again, a blur.

But nothing now and I wouldn't know where to start. What would the NHS even do, does anyone know?

If I could pay privately, what would I be searching for? A psychologist, a counsellor?

I don't want to be feeling this way, I don't want to be constantly fighting myself and my thoughts (I know Mumsnet have a very sensitive filter on this, I don't want to trigger a deletion by going into detail)

Hi again

Please, please don't worry about having 'offended' anyone. You didn't say anything offensive at all 🌷

I'm sorry that I'm no help at all. I don't know my way around NHS MH services at all, but hopefully someone more clued up will be along soon.

It's good you have DH there, it's a shame he can't listen/help you the way you need. Is he any good with hugs?

How old are your kids?

But nothing now and I wouldn't know where to start. What would the NHS even do, does anyone know?

Would you feel able to talk to your GP? They should be able to signpost you.

Could you have an honest conversation with your GP? If it's easier, do they have an email service?

You sound quite calm and collected now. How are things?

I'm sorry you found the call to Samaritans frustrating. Have a look to see what other services are local to you. Talking helps, being listened to makes a difference.