NC as this is all quite personal. I’m just wanting some support really. I’m late thirties and a year or so ago I went through an awful break up with my fiancé. We had been trying for a child and I had miscarried. In a matter of weeks my entire life and future as i knew it fell apart. We were together for 7 years and haven’t spoken now for 8 months, probably never will again. I’ve moved on from the relationship in the sense that I’ve got an ok grip on my life...job going ok, earn ok money, have my own place etc.
But fucking hell I feel like I will never have the life I wanted and it breaks my heart everyday. It’s no exaggeration to say that all of my family and friends and colleagues are deep into relationships and families. Not only do I feel like the odd one out but this is something I wanted all my life...a marriage and family. I KNOW it doesn’t guarantee happiness and I know it’s not always as good as it seems but after a 7 year relationship I can say that I was happier generally in that than in the last year or so. My life is very full and busy even in spite of covid but every night I have this all encompassing dark thoughts...
How will I meet someone to find to have a family with when it took 7 years with my ex to get into that stage? By then I would nearly be mid forties!
How will I find someone now I am late thirties, are all the men going to be divorced or not wanting to settle down?
How can I find someone right for me in a short space of time if I want a family? Most relationships evolve over a few years and I don’t have that time if I want a family with someone? This one scares me massively. I definitely do not want children alone. I’ve considered freezing but it doesn’t take away this fear about time if I ever did meet someone.
I struggle with the idea that any relationship I have now will still really be rather ‘new’ into my forties. Most people are celebrating ten year anniversaries or more by then. Would a relationship always feel insignificant now, it’s hardly going to be heading to a wonderful lifetime together is it
Will a man I meet be put off by the fact I had just begun trying for a baby with my ex? Will they be put off that I miscarried in the sense that I effectively was wanting a family with another man?
Am I too old now to find proper love where you feel like home and truly happy to be around someone? I’ve dated a bit recently and I feel like I just don’t care about anyone I meet. I’m over my ex for sure but I haven’t met anyone I want to see again.
Is there anyone out there who has been through this? I am so scared about the future, everything I thought it would be has been ripped apart and I feel like a happy relationship is unattainable now or worthless because I am so much older. I’m not dealing very well with these thoughts today. I’m scared and sad.