Parenting a stubborn child

[headstrong27]

Hello all,

Just looking for some advice/tips. My youngest (3yo) is a very stubborn & headstrong child & sometimes I struggle on how to best parent him. The usual consequences of naughty step, time out, sent to room, etc that worked very easily on his older siblings have no effect. If he doesn't want to do something he doesn't want to do it. He's a very physical & active child & is currently missing that due to covid.

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I find gentle parent helps more than anything. My daughter is similar in that if she doesn't want to do something she will stamp her foot and not back down. My new technique is to voice what she's feeling, so if she's got to the foot stamping stage I'll get down to her level and say 'I can see you're feeling quite angry because you couldn't do X, the reason you couldn't do it is Y, how about we do Z instead.' It's hard work and it's taken me a while to get here but I really find that the nicer I am, the easier she is.

ok @BergamotMouse I will try that, thank you. It drives me mad!

Hi OP, I had the same with my DC3. I do think that being the youngest means they have to be more determined, in order to assert their position within the family.

The main thing I found was that I had to pick my battles. This inevitably meant that he 'got away with' more than DC1 or DC2 did, but otherwise we'd just have been locking horns constantly! So I had to think to myself whether it was REALLY important that he couldn't do / have whatever it was that he wanted - and if it was, I absolutely followed through and made sure he didn't - or if his wishes could be accommodated somehow. In other words, I tried to say "yes" more often.

When my ds was younger, I found it helpful to give him choices about small things, e.g. if I gave him a top and said, 'Put this on,' he'd probably say, 'No, I don't want that one.' So instead I'd say, 'Do you want to wear the red top or the blue one today?' And he would be more likely to pick one without the usual drama, because he felt like he had a bit of control.

I find giving an extensive count down before we need to do something or go somewhere, i.e. five minutes before we go, two minutes, one more go, one final final go, right time to go. I also use a timer so that when the timer goes off, xyz happens.

I try to give as much responsibility as possible, pouring milk at breakfast, stirring scrambled eggs etc.

I am also exceptionally good at a fireman's lift on a tantrumming and writhing child, and forcing a child into a car seat or pushchair when safety dictates obedience is immediately required (car parks, motorway services, busy roads etc).

And solidarity my friend. It. Is. Hard. It's like an ever changing logic puzzle trying to outsmart them!!

I really found the book How To Talk So Little Kids Listen so so useful with my "spirited" little one (3 in Feb).

One trick that works really well is empathising when he's frustrated - "oh I can see you really hate it when xyz happens! I hate it too! Do you feel like you want to shout? Let's shout together - AAARGH!!! I'm feeling a bit better, are you?" (works best outside)