I've recently started working with one of my closest friends and I've discovered

[ComeOnCoveen]

He has a very weird work fake laugh (that I have never heard before!), he speaks entirely in jargon and he is totally in charge!

It is the weirdest thing!! The boy I've known most of my life, flitting from one crisis to the next, totally overthinking every tiny detail, is the big boss who is totally rocking it. I felt almost maternally proud during the meeting!

We are not in the same organisation but our paths will now cross from time to time although virtually for the foreseeable future I would think.

I remember reading some threads earlier in lockdown when people were posting that they were shocked by their partners work persona and today reminded me of that. Anyone else had any home working revelations?

@Dontstepinthecowpat keep him. Here’s a great example: I’m driving home, he needs to start dinner. He calls me (hands free) and asks how long he needs to cook the pasta for. ‘Dh, I cannot see the packet from my car, I suggest you read the instructions’. How he ever got to where he is in his career is beyond me?
@BloggersBlog I doubt a psychologist would find much in there, it contains work, rugby and beer.

Yep my DH. He is literally shit at home bless him, can't remember why he's gone into a room, will start 4 other tasks before finishing the first one, words come out in the wrong order.
At work he's a manager of people, does their meetings and appraisals, forward thinking, comes up with new ideas. Makes me very proud and even prouder that he can relax enough at home to be a stumbley mess!

Just goes to show how multifaceted people are!

I wonder if people use up all their energy and brainpower for work so when they are outside of work, they function differently because they can or don't have the reserves for anything else. Just theorising. Anyone know?

Someone once said to me, how do you cope with DH at home, as we can't keep up with him at work, he's so hyper and Gets.Things.Done.
I proper snorted, he is welded to the sofa at home and is another who couldn't read the instructions on a pack of pasta.

Although tbf, I think work just saps the very lifeforce out of him. He's had a couple of longer breaks from work and he has been fab at home.

@Lifeisabeach09

Just goes to show how multifaceted people are!

I wonder if people use up all their energy and brainpower for work so when they are outside of work, they function differently because they can or don't have the reserves for anything else. Just theorising. Anyone know?

Actually I think a lot of it is sexism too - men treating their wives (and/or mothers) like their personal assistants/housekeepers/nannies. They're perfectly capable of being organised etc at home they just don't bother because they know someone else will. Makes my blood boil.

@SebastianTheCrab, I suppose there is that too for those (men) in relationships!

I think it's partly something to do with roles and expected roles. Partly being able to focus on a persona for a period of time (masking) before collapsing. Partly being able to step up when required but fundamentally being lazy and getting away with not stepping up at home.

I'm not saying all of these apply but my DH is renowned for being super efficient at work but I do the 'thinking-brain' stuff at home. So some of the above apply in my case and some in friends' cases. Any other thoughts other people have?

I think expectation is a lot to do with it.

First time I worked with a friend she was completely surprised by how confident I was in work. At home I was brought up by, firstly, abusive parents, then unconfident grandparents and over-bearing siblings (I was "the baby" until I was in my late twenties) and then my ex was happy to have a partner who doubted herself a lot.

At work I worked my way up and people respected my opinion. I was confident in voicing opinions because even people who disagreed would never think I was thick or stupid.

I think my friends would be shocked at my work persona, but that's it a persona. Not one I'd want to maintain full time!

DH is exactly the same. He is the most capable man I have ever known in a work scenario, we work in the same industry and our paths cross/we attend events together etc, and I am always heart burstingly proud of him. He manages quite big teams and often gets feedback of how well he pulls them all together, and manages in a crisis (it's a very crisis-y industry)

Get him home with day to day dramas, he's a pile of shite. Comically flustered. But swings into epicness again when it's anything serious.

I always rate the level of how worried I should be about something by how flappy he is. If he's calm, I panic. If he's panicking, I'm calm 😂

My gentle, softly spoken, sensitive, quiet and shy friend is like a machine in her work mode. She's a Head of Year for KS4 and most of these kids tower above her. I've seen her (inadvertently in a work capacity) when I delivered a careers talk in her school and she was this immense little power house with masses of authority, who could command respect and obedience from a huge group of bouncing teenagers. They clearly like and respect her but told me they'd "never mess with miss - she's seriously hard as nails".

I was dumbfounded and very impressed.

Ugh DH has a fake 'on the phone it's business and amusing' laugh which sounds so put on and fake I'm surprised it doesn't put the customers off (it doesn't, they love him).

@Lifeisabeach09

Just goes to show how multifaceted people are!

I wonder if people use up all their energy and brainpower for work so when they are outside of work, they function differently because they can or don't have the reserves for anything else. Just theorising. Anyone know?

When you say "people"...

Mostly women who work and have children/family to deal with don't have the luxury of doing this, it's largely the men in their lives who do it, purely because they know the woman will pick up the load.

I am in charge of massive legal projects at work, lead a big team etc...

I am a disaster as a housewife! A kind and caring mother /wife but pretty undomesticated, messy, terrible cook, forget stuff. I think it is a combination of my brain being frazzled after work and being naturally hopeless at those things. I hated the "housewife" side of maternity leave. DH and the cleaner run the house really! I do what I can but have dyspraxia and just find organising space/practical tasks really hard.

Plus people who know me socially, through hobbies etc, are often shocked if they find out I am solicitor (never mind a fairly senior one). I never know whether to take their shock as an insult or a compliment

Makes me very proud and even prouder that he can relax enough at home to be a stumbley mess!

Sounds very unattractive, to me, but each to their own.

Does being 'a stumbley mess' absolve him of responsibility for anything home / family related, I wonder.

This is me!

Personally, attention deficit is why the difference exists between work and home life. I switch it on for work, but it is utterly exhausting. I physically cannot keep it going once work has finished.

@PutYourBackIntoit

This is me!

Personally, attention deficit is why the difference exists between work and home life. I switch it on for work, but it is utterly exhausting. I physically cannot keep it going once work has finished.

Same, I can struggle with cooking after work unless I have an hour break. Very technical at work, then over boil rice while standing next to it.