What makes some people want to cheat or get involved with married people

[BlueOceanWave]

I have an aunt and she was married to my mother's brother. She was a cheat back in the day when I was small and when her own kids were small. We never really had much contact with her from the late 90s. I was at a family wedding about 2 and half years ago and I was at the same table as her and a few more. It turns out her current partner is also married and he wasnt the first either. There's been a long list of men over the years that she was with and all married. She's only ever interested in men who are married and taken.

Me and my sister are estranged. She was about 21 years old when she met a man of the Internet. He was married. Of course he was completely to blame there but it didn't stop my sister with him. My sister clearly allowed herself to be used. She was always last on his list. She continued that pattern throughout her 20s of only chasing married men. She was only ever interested in men who were married/taken/not available. She's probably still the same way today.

What makes people behave like this? To behave wrecking marriages and families? Is there something wrong with them internally to do that? I do know my sister is not a happy person. Is it do with that? To inflict misery and pain on others - ie the wifes of these men and the children?

I don't know about your sister or aunt. But on the basis of the one person I know like this, it's deep, crushing insecurity and fear. She basically self-sabotages by going after guys that she knows are unavailable so it's never going to work out. I really don't think she likes herself much, she doesn't think she deserves a normal relationship so she goes for ones that are doomed from the start because of the man's unavailability. The feelings of the broken family never even enters the picture for her I don't think, except to possibly make her hate herself more. It's really sad. (I haven't seen her in 20 years so I hope she is in a better place emotionally now.)

Because they are forbidden fruit

Thanks for the replies.

Xiaoxiong

I don't know about my aunt but for my sister, there's definitely an unhappiness that goes deeply within her and many of her personal/family relationships have failed on her because of her hatred. She has a hatred at the world and everyone around her. I don't know what her relationship status is now. I suspect single and if involved with anyone he would probably more than likely be married.

Sometimes it's low self esteem.

In my case, it was definitely low self esteem.
I was the classic ‘late bloomer’ as a teen.
I was not what you’d consider an attractive teenager, never had a boyfriend, bullied at secondary school etc.
In the summer holidays in between leaving high school and going to 6th form college, I decided to reinvent myself - new hair, taught myself how to apply makeup correctly, new clothes, the works.
I LOVED the way in which people then saw me - especially men - and loved the ‘power’ I had with my new image and confidence, and for the next few years I flirted with everyone in sight - young, old, married, single, it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered to me was that they noticed me now, that I COULD ‘win’ men, unlike the little old me who was never noticed by anyone, never felt pretty or desirable.
At the age of 18/20, I began flirting with a tutor at college. He was 50, had been married over 20 years, and it was the classic student/tutor affair.
I’m not proud of it, but I did it to see if I could ‘win’ him. It’s horrible behaviour, shameful, and it took me a long, long time to realise and understand my own behaviour within relationships, and the fact that it was destructive for all concerned.