How do you cope/destress when things are horrendous?

[PandaBearBear]

Hoping for some ideas really.

This year has been shit, for everyone I'm sure. My husband has been very sick all year and has just been moved into ICU again. I don't even know how many times that makes it now.

I am really really struggling to cope this time. It is just too much. I am trying desperately to not have a break down (I have 2 children to support through this too). I've bought myself a sketchpad and nice sketching pencils for when I can concentrate.

What do you do when you need to not lose your shit?

What I imagine would be nice is being left in a large soundproof room with lots of shelves of crockery and a baseball bat so I could have a good scream and smash stuff. But I have none of those things at my disposal right now.

Hand embroidery, it's the only thing I've really zoned out with this year. I'm not good, but I think it was the repetitive nature. Also the occasional book, has to be a really shitty easy-reader none of that high brow lit I also found that if it was set somewhere id been abroad then it was great for escapism.

@PandaBearBear

also, I have found that when I feel very crap I much prefer to watch TV shows I've already seen. I thought I was just a creature of habit but apparently it is linked with anxiety and having the safety of knowing whats going to happen. I thought that was interesting.

I have a handful of tv comedies I watch on a loop when I need to laugh or feel comforted. I have little patience or attention when under stress, I'm not open to letting something unfold and I just want the familiar rhythm of something I already know I enjoy.

When I had a tough time with my mum (she lost her home in a natural disaster and then was diagnosed with breast cancer, both now resolved, happy ending etc) I had a word search game on my kindle, I can't remember what it was called but there must be hundreds of them. Even when I could only reread the same page of a book over and over, I could manage to train a level of focus on the game when I wasn't able to follow a narrative. I played it when my mum was in surgery, I played it in doctors' waiting rooms, I was able to dip in and out without much effort and it was oddly diverting. Also helped me wind down to go to sleep at night.

Best of luck to you and your husband

I watch 3D fractal videos. Not everyone's cup of tea but they're good for distracting you from completely everything and require no thought at all. Perfect for those times when you can't even focus on crap telly.

I am a natural coper, quite resilient just head down get on with shit (my shit is nowhere near the level of your shit tho, I have huge respect for people managing through your circumstances, well done for being still standing).

I have had to develop totally new coping mechanisms as we are going through such prolonged stressful changeable times . Two things that have become vv important to me.
1)screen free time. Usually reading a book, but at least an hour a day deviod of any screens.
2) Running, but with good headphones listening to the music I used to go dancing to. It makes me feel so happy.

My favourite relax is big bath, Buffy on the tablet, pizza and wine.

@PandaBearBear

also, I have found that when I feel very crap I much prefer to watch TV shows I've already seen. I thought I was just a creature of habit but apparently it is linked with anxiety and having the safety of knowing whats going to happen. I thought that was interesting.

That is fascinating. I watch old tv shows all the time over and over again. My dh rolls his eyes and thinks it's ridiculous as I have already seen it and know what's going to happen. Gonna show him this comment.

We have some health stuff this year - sorry to hear about your dh. I am on a similar quest to get a coping regime going.

Interesting - I'm also liking old and new light comedies - not the kind of thing I would usually watch. Funny videos.

I'm a big reader but definitely going for the easier reads - murder mysteries/psychological thrillers. I've read that these are a common choice under stress.

Walking outdoors and gardening. I've started a small indoor winter garden and planting some seeds indoors too. I'm thinking about getting a grow lamp.

I'm going to try some mindfulness - I've never really got on with that before but I'll give it another go. I'm also reading about brain entrainment - there are some free videos on this.

Definitely getting outdoors. Sometimes I want to just hibernate inside but i always feel better if I’ve been outside even if it’s an effort to get out of the door.

Sorry you're going through this.
Tbh I just clean like mad

I’m sorry about your DH illness and things being so tough for you right now 💐

For me to destress I find it helps to do something that takes all of my concentration. So colouring, crochet (I’m not very good at this!), playing bubbles on my phone, wearing headphones and listening to music really loud whilst doing housework etc. The colouring is a good one for getting rage out, as you can push hard with the pencil or use really angry colours.

I also find it helpful to write down everything that is upsetting me, my fears, worries, others behaviour, my reaction etc until I can’t write any more and I’m calm. I have a journal that so far spans 18 years so far. Once it’s all out I never read it, it’s like a counselling session that never happened! You could also try some YouTube hypnosis videos to help you sleep, I find they stop the Constant whirring voice in my brain.

Have a routine for breakfast and consistent sleep cycle.

Write your thoughts down whether good or dark as I shred all the paper afterwards. Being true to oneself is really important. Show love to yourself as you would show to anyone you love going through similar.

Procrastination tends to seep in stressful times. Have a decent amount of sleep but don't sleepwalk through the crisis. Do 80/20 rule analysis on things to do and do things that would produce the maximum impact first and take one step at a time. Nano chunking - split the task into smallest possible doable steps.

Gratitude for each day you are alive and awake. Consider each day as new day until things start to fall into place. Best wishes to you and your family