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is he doing this intentionally or am i paranoid?!

13 replies

elahd · 20/10/2020 19:36

About a year ago I broke up with someone I had been dating for 6 months. It turned out we had some mutual friends and grew up in the same area, for these reasons the relationship did progress quite quickly and we saw each other most weekends by month two. It was great however by month four I was feeling like it was all very much full on and intense...I asked to slow things down and he became paranoid I wanted to date others (I didn’t). When I asked for a week or so apart he would say things like he wouldn’t wait around and eventually he would move on. This is against a background of him being pretty wonderful to me, so I do believe his comments were because he didn’t want to lose me. In the end he would get annoyed if I didn’t want to meet on a weekend and would put pressure on things and when I wasn’t seeing him he would text almost every half hour even if I hadn’t replied. I really liked him but had to officially end it as it was impossible to get him to just take things any slower and I was living about two hours from him at the time, making it all feel even more pressurised!

After a few months we started speaking again on and off and it was nice. Then a few weeks ago we met up, both talked about starting things up again and I said that for my part I hadn’t been ready for a full on relationship then but things had changed for me I was living much closer now and work has calmed down since December last year. I was in a better place to dedicate time to the relationship. He seemed happy about this and we started seeing each other. However he has done a few things that I’ve found strange...we’ve arranged to speak in an evening and he’s not called, even if I’ve text to remind him...another time he said ‘i can speak now or later but not both...’ that was after I asked if he was free to speak one afternoon when I finished work early. We used to speak very freely so it seems like he’s making a point?!

Another time at his house he said he had new furniture arriving and told me what it was...I commented on the coffee table and said ‘isn’t this the one we got?’ To which he said he couldn’t remember but he didn’t like it and it was going. This was one we chose together...surprised if he doesn’t remember.

He has a nephew that we went to see when he was born after we had started dating. We travelled over together and it was a nice day. His nephew cane up in conversation and I said aw he was so cute (or something like that) and he was surprised and said to me I had never met him?! I said yes we went to see him remember? He said he wasn’t sure and couldn’t remember...

Maybe I’m being over the top here but he seems to be behaving in such a strange way. I don’t understand it. I had been sincere about wanting to start over with him but now I’m wondering if he’s playing some game?!

OP posts:
magicstar1 · 20/10/2020 19:45

Sounds like he’s sort of punishing you for dumping him. Maybe he’s treating you worse so to see if you’ll finish with him again. Life is too short for those type of games.

SBTLove · 20/10/2020 19:47

Why did you get back with him, he had very obvious controlling behaviours.
I agree, he’s took you back as such to treat you like dirt as a punishment.
Get rid, you had reason to dump him once don’t go back.

Suzi888 · 20/10/2020 19:49

How bizarre... does he genuinely not remember. I’d be worried he had something wrong with himConfused.
Either that, or as above poster says he’s punishing you. Playing it overly cool? I’m not sure I could be bothered to play games...

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DeliciouslyFemale · 20/10/2020 19:51

He’s playing games with you and punishing you for daring to go Agassi wishes. Dump him, before he finds another victim and dumps you. Either that or he will just continue chipping away at your confidence and self worth, until your hanging on to any scraps of attention he throws your way. You see it on here regularly from posters in abusive relationships, “but he can be sooo lovely”. Bollocks to that.

Dubbadubbadumdum · 20/10/2020 19:51

Sounds to me like he's seeing someone else and can't remember which of you has done whi h thing with him.

Hard work, bin him off and find yourself a decent man who will enjoy spending time with you.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2020 19:51

He's a massive head fuck. Get rid.

DeliciouslyFemale · 20/10/2020 19:51

Agassi = against

Elieza · 20/10/2020 19:51

Could he have had a few girlfriends recently and has forgotten which one he was with when various things happened? Or he wants you to think that, ie he can get another gf so you’d better be warned.

I can’t be arsed with head games. I seriously can’t.

I think you need to talk to each other and say what you want and how you feel and what went wrong before and how to prevent that again.

nevernotstruggling · 20/10/2020 19:52

God knows but who has time for this!!

newnameforthis123 · 20/10/2020 21:55

I know the phrase is overused on here but it really, really shouldn't be this hard! Life is too short for all this second guessing and headspace wasting. Time to end it and move on.

UserABCDE12345 · 20/10/2020 22:33

I'd say he's playing games as a punishment as well. It's odd. Unless he has genuine memory problems.

Shizzlestix · 20/10/2020 22:55

Doesn’t sound like he respects or likes you much. Are you keen to be with him when he’s treating you so bizarrely?

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 20/10/2020 22:58

Wow your bar is REALLY low op. This guy will ruin your life and the red flags have been waving in your face for months and months.

Why on earth would you try again with someone who is this awful??

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