Table manner nightmares, please advise!

[ScrabApple]

Meal times are fast becoming the most stressful time of day. My DD13 is becoming increasingly intolerant to DH table manners. To be fair to her, he could brush up his manners, but they are not horrific. He eats fast, there are mouth noises but not too loud or often and his cutlery seems a bit more percussive than the rest of us. However, it's getting to the point where she cannot remain at the table for an entire meal because she is so wound up by him. She's shushing him and telling him to be quiet and he looks bemused as if she's making things up (which winds her up even more).
Please can someone help. I'm concerned this coukd inadvertently lead to disordered eating or a complete breakdown in her relationship with her Dad. Should we eat at different times?

You either have table manners, eat quietly and politely or you dont.
If you Misophonia its literally torture.
Greedy gobbling people dont tend to pay much attention to other peoples table manners they just ram the food in.

I have misophinia and lockdown with an audible breather is literally torture. He then starts to eat and the noise of the crunching can be heard (by me) rooms away. It’s like it echoes around his chest cavity. I am with your daughter on this one and can only suggest that you have background music at dinner. (If it’s your husband’s manners however, then get him to sort them out, fast)

I have misophonia too and it's awful.

Fortunately there are not many noisy eaters in my life, although DS1 is getting louder...

I am the exact same. Honestly shes not trying to be awkward. I get this feeling inside of me where I could either explode or cry I've never felt anger like it. When it comes to meal times with my dad I could cry. I love him dearly but the way he eats is disgusting, I cant stand the sound of heavy breathing either. You need to have a word with him

I don't know how you can't find this massively off putting. Just eeew. It both objectively gross and unfair on your daughter.

I had severe misophonia as a teen and it is so stressful. I genuinely thought I was going mad as I felt pure rage and hatred for the people I actually loved the most, over small things such as swallowing/throat clearing/eating etc etc. What made it worse was that it wasn't widely recognised or known as a condition then so my family thought I was an unbearable teen and I hated myself at times for it but equally, couldn't stop feeling how I was.

Learning about misophonia properly has been really helpful in me managing it and understanding I am not a hateful madwoman but that I can recognise triggers and put things in place to limit them.

Your husband needs to understand it is a very real and stressful thing to deal with and your daughter needs to understand she needs to learn how to manage how she is feeling in different situations.

It doesnt go away but life is much nicer with a bit of help and understanding of it from both sides!

@SanFrancisco49er @Justwingingmotherhood i am so relieved to hear your description of the rage that these sounds induce in you. It sounds ridiculous, but that’s exactly it- noises that inspire both great disgust and fury

I can't stand noisy eaters, I have to leave the room.
I can't even listen to one of my dogs drinking water, it's like this soft lapping that is like nails down a chalkboard to me.

Noisy, sloppy chewers, those who eat with their mouths open and shovel their food are my worst nightmares.

I'm generally tolerant of most things but my misophonia sends me into blind rage.

Its rude to make so much noise when eating and particularly if you KNOW it upsets others. By not recognising an issue you are dismissing your DD's feelings and distress. As to being a Madam it is a serious condition my sister suffers and we have a laugh about it but she seriously eats in another room generally when at home with others. I would encourage ways to help - so think about what you are eating for tea, seat them separately and put radio near her, ask DH to be considerate of the issue. Ask your daughter to temper her reactions. If fall else fails headphones or eating in sep rooms for particularly bad meals.

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

She sounds like a right rude little madam! Perhaps she should respect the person who is paying for the food in front of her instead of trying to make him feel self conscious about enjoying his food. By your own words, it really isn't that bad.

Eating like a slobbering cocker spaniel is hardly respectful of anyone else. Plus, it's perfectly possible to enjoy food without the sound effects.

I'm 46 and still have to leave the room when my dad eats fruit. The chomping makes me murderous.

She is not a rude little madam! What a patronising thing to write... TV/radio on and try to have lots of chat so the noises are masked as much as possible. I have this and eating with my parents in silence is literal torture. It makes me want to rip my ears off and run screaming from the room because the sloshing and crunching is unbearable. And they both have impeccable manners.