Advice on getting back on the career path

[Continuallybefuddled]

I'm a FTM and I have a beautiful LG who is nearly 1 year old. Before I had her I was in a highly stressful job which made me feel like I was on an emotional rollercoaster but I enjoyed it at the time. I was made redundant whilst on mat leave and happy to spend time with my baby but I want to get back to work again.

I've started applying for jobs and am getting some recruiters coming to me which is good. My problem is my lack of confidence and mum guilt at the thought of putting my LO in nursery and potentially missing out on things like milestones.

Before I had my baby I was confident in my ability but it seems to have disappeared. I just wanted to know for mums who have gone back to work or have careers if you felt this way and if so, how did you overcome it? Any advice would be very welcome!

(1) I wanted to go back to work while my child was young enough to be happy with any consistent loving caregiver (we had a nanny). (2) I also wanted to make sure I could always support the family if DH got hit by a bus or left me for another woman. (3) I wanted my kids to see me as a career woman, and (4) I had some very good advice from Mumsnet saying that the longer I was out of work, the more difficult it would get.

Oh and (5) once they're past the early baby stage, the milestones are fewer and farther between and you won't miss them.

I find that it's really once they're older and at school that they want you, personally. I worked when they were little and with the nanny and at pre-school and moved around a few times to manoeuvre myself to a position that now, 10 years on from where you are, when my kids really want me to be there for a match, concert, whatever, I can block the time in my diary and go watch. Now I'm WFH I can even do all the school runs, though once covid ends we'll have to get an au pair again.

You're clearly an intelligent woman. Ask yourself - would recruiters be coming to you if you were no good? Recognise the imposter syndrome and self-doubt for what it is, then banish it with facts. You have a great career (present tense), you happen to have been made redundant from your previous position while on mat leave but now you have recruiters approaching you for your next position. That's all you need to know. Get yourself out there!!

I was a SAHM for a few years and I definitely lost confidence in my ability (despite having quite a high flying career pre-DC). I think the best way to get it back is just to plunge in! Apply for jobs and fake it till you make it. It's natural to feel nervous after a year off, but it will all come back to you once you are back at the coal face (as it were)!

PS we had a nanny because of flexible pickups and drop offs, but I would have been happy with a nursery too - the main thing is, when they're young they will be happily cared for by any consistent caregiver, whether that's you, a nanny, a grandparent, or a keyworker at nursery. It's when they're older that they really want you personally, at least in my experience. I kept pumping breast milk at work and nursing at night until they were 18 months or so as well, more for me to maintain the connection rather than them really needing it.

Thank you for your advice. It's really helpful and nice to know it's natural. I just wish I didn't feel this way. My DH said he'll support me no matter what but I agree that I can't hold off forever and I need to rip the plaster off so to speak.