Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

How would you respond? I feel guilty and I shouldn't

6 replies

MaosChaos · 20/10/2020 14:35

I do a sports activity with a group. Doing it 4 or 5 years. It is a mixed group of people. I'm not great in groups but I like this one, everyone is just friendly to each other.

1 member is a guy (call him Tom) who is in his very late 50's. He's popular in the group with all, tells stories about his family who he adores, travels etc. Chatty type who looks out for everyone and always helping someone

We have a social media group and people what's app etc..

Tom recently had an accident and went into hospital for a week. When he returned home last weekend he told the group via social media. Lots of messages of concern, sending get well messages, he answered them in his usual style. I sent one and he sent one back with lots of gory details about the accident with typical humour.

Yesterday I was out with the dog and saw him with his wife. I waved and asked how was he doing. I Said to his wife (who I've heard lots about but not met in person) if she was over the shock of the accident.

Today I get a message from Tom to say his wife had been bemused how I knew about the accident (I've not seen her before). She's been giving him hell since yesterday. He's asked that if I see him again when I'm out with the dog to walk off the other way and pretend I didn't see him.

Why do I feel guilty like a femme fatale????
This has made me feel uncomfy but I am not sure why... And a bit cross, and I don't know why.

Not sure what say back., except 'OK but that's weird.'

OP posts:
SippeeTippee · 20/10/2020 14:39

If you're just friendly with Tom but not friends with Tom, I'd just replied with a standard "ok". No need to comment further and just act normal when you see him next. It's their problem. Not yours imo.

BlusteryShowers · 20/10/2020 14:47

Doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship that he couldn't just answer with the perfectly reasonable truth.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 20/10/2020 14:52

I'm not good at just letting that stuff roll off my and I think I would have to reply with something that "I find this very bizarre Tom and would appreciate if you dont involve me in the arguments you have with your wife. We do a sport together, that's all. If you dont want us to know about things like your accident then dont tell us, but telling us and then swearing us to secrecy is all just very strange".

BabylovesJohnny · 20/10/2020 14:58

You know what... it could be a problem with his wife rather than him. Maybe she has some issues that manifest them self in the form of jealousy when there is no need and Tom is just hankering after a quiet life. Who knows? He’s not doing anything wrong- you’re not doing anything wrong so 🤷‍♀️

MaosChaos · 20/10/2020 15:25

I've responded with 'that's fine, hope you are OK.'

@BabylovesJohnny I think you are right, has to be an issue with jealousy in their relationship. Who knows he may have flirted/had affairs and she has good cause to be.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 20/10/2020 16:49

Super wierd. I'd probably pull back from being friendly with hi.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread