Gross invasion of personal privacy by neighbour

[gldd]

Hi everyone, I wondered if I could ask the thoughts of the Mumsnet community on a sensitive issue regarding personal / medical privacy. Around 1 year ago my wife and I suffered through a positive NIPT and then scan confirming severe chromosomal abnormalities 12 weeks into our pregnancy, followed by an extremely upsetting medical termination. We are still dealing with this loss and its associated sadness with the help of a professional counsellor. My wife is a private person and has chosen to share this information only with a counsellor, family, and close friends.

Last week during baby loss awareness week we received through our letterbox a handwritten note from one of our next-door neighbours commiserating my wife on her loss and explaining in some detail our neighbour’s past fertility problems (she now has two small children). This neighbour, who is not a friend (we only very occasionally see her and say hello) works part-time as a receptionist at our local surgery. Earlier this year, for a number of reasons including the fact that our neighbour may view our confidential medical records, my wife decided to move to another nearby surgery. This neighbour had clearly accessed my wife’s (or my?) medical records, presumably has shared the information with her partner and mother (with whom she lives for now), and then decided to write my wife the message.

My first reaction was shock that a stranger could access and share what I would consider to be the most intimate and private medical information. Surely this is in breach of surgery rules, medical confidentiality, or even the law, especially given GDPR? A friend we have shared this with is of the opinion that it constitutes a sackable offence. At the time, my wife was also shocked (and upset) but perhaps more forgiving and so wrote a brief note thanking her for her concern and thoughts. Obviously, it would be very difficult to be on bad terms with our immediate neighbour. I can imagine them taking offense quite easily. In recent days and thinking about it more my wife has been very upset at the breach of privacy, at the reminder of our upsetting experience, her uninvited unburdening, at the thought that our near-neighbour nosed through our records without our permission, and at the fact that although the note was thoughtful in a way, was actually far more about our neighbour and about her difficulties. Perhaps it was a way for her to process her own experiences?

We’re wondering what next steps to take and would be interested in thoughts. Has anyone had a similar experience? Can anyone advise on the legal position here? My wife and I have discussed it at length and my wife feels that it would be too upsetting to bring it up herself. Neither of us would want our neighbour to lose her job, however surely I should bring this up with the practice to ensure that safeguarding procedures are in place, that medical information is confidential and kept confidential, and that this would not happen again? I have decided to leave the practise myself. I’m also thinking of raising it with the neighbour, though that will be a difficult conversation. Should we leave it and put her mistake down to the foolishness of youth? I’d be interested in everyone else’s thoughts.

Thankyou

That behaviour was totally unacceptable. But is it your very next door neighbour? Is your house a semi or a terrace where you are likely to come into close, regular contact? I'd do anything to avoid a falling out with those in super close proximity to be honest as I've seen the painful consequences of neighbourly disputes.

Fucking hell. I'd be livid. Write to the practice manager (so you've got a written record) and tell them (don't ask) you need a meeting about this.

I wouldn't care about what terms I might end up on with the neighbour, personally. Anyone so unprofessional and, frankly, stupid, I would not miss being friendly with.

If you report this she will lose her job. I'm not saying she shouldn't but I'd have a think about how that impacts your life with her as a neighbour before you make a decision.

If you report this she will lose her job.

Not necessarily. She didn't access medical records, she saw letters as part of her job, she only shared with a person who would have been CC'd on the letters.

Just say someone nosy read her card, and although they had no business doing so, put in a complaint to the surgery out of concern for you. See if she gets the irony

If you report this she will lose her job. I'm not saying she shouldn't but I'd have a think about how that impacts your life with her as a neighbour before you make a decision

Good - and unless she’s going to torch your property, so what?

Not necessarily. She didn't access medical records, she saw letters as part of her job, she only shared with a person who would have been CC'd on the letters

That’s not how medical confidentiality and GDPR works.

Does she actually still work there? Because if not, she can't be sacked or disciplined

But she can effectively be made unemployable in a health are setting

Thanks so much for all the messages. We’ve found all your responses to be interesting to read and useful in helping us to deal with this. A particular thanks to those who have been kind about our loss, which is still raw and upsetting. I found myself agreeing with most of the posted suggestions (even when contradictory) which I suppose illustrates what a tricky issue this is.

To those who were skeptical about my sharing medical information, or even that the story is true – firstly, it’s anonymous, and secondly, I really didn’t want to go through this. I’ve got better things to do than make this up! We’ve mentioned it to a few friends and family, but not really enough to help us make up our minds about what to do. In particular, I wanted to hear the opinions of posters who have worked in medical settings and are knowledgeable about issues of medical confidentiality. These have been very helpful – thankyou. Like many people, we’re having a difficult time at the moment, we absolutely did not need this right now, and it’s already taken up a lot of our mental space. Of course my wife and I are discussing it all together, and I wouldn’t post anything about her without her permission (we wrote the original post together).

I am inclined to think generously of our neighbor and hope that she is not rifling through our records looking for juicy information, rather that opening letters / documents would have been part of her role (she did write this in her note). However, given advice from our GP friend and those of you who have worked in these settings, once she saw that it was referring to someone she knew, she should not have looked at it further, and should never, ever have mentioned it to anybody (including us). It just makes us feel incredibly uneasy that our next-door neighbor, who we do not have a personal relationship with, knows this private, intimate information about us. I know that it can be good to talk about these issues, miscarriages, baby losses, etc., I’m supportive of that – but, this is our decision to discuss, not anybody else’s, and certainly not that of a stranger who should be adhering to professional standards and confidentiality.

Could our neighbor be reading? I doubt it, though it’s possible, and although I’m writing anonymously, I have changed some information. In a way it could be worthwhile her reading these comments, though, as they are overwhelmingly of the opinion that this is professional misconduct and very thoughtless / stupid of her. Maybe it would be a relatively harmless way of her realizing her mistakes! My first instinct was to contact the practice manager, but it would be difficult for us (and her) if she was disciplined or fired as she lives right next door (terrace). We’ll think it over for another few days before making a decision about what to do. Thanks again.

Wow. This woman must know that it's not OK to access someone's private medical record and then comment on it via a letter? Surely a person cannot be that stupid? It's completely reckless in terms of keeping her job, makes you wonder whether she actually wants to stay employed.

I'd bring it up with the practice because it is absolutely a breach of your privacy and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

I've just seen that she's your next door neighbour. That is a real dilemma. In that case, because I am a non-confrontational person, I'd be inclined to let it go in terms of reporting her, but perhaps let her know privately in a letter that it was indeed a breach of privacy and it was not welcome. If you get her sacked it's going to be harder to live next door to her.

So sorry for your loss OP.

I guess it was a misguided attempt at being kind but it was still a major beach of confidentiality and would make me uncomfortable knowing she or others were aware of intimate medical details.

@Aridane I guess you missed the part where I said I had an almost identical situation last year which involved the police, GDPR process being triggered and social services. I know exactly how this works.

Like some other posters, I can't believe a few posters are saying 'can you live with yourself if she gets sacked?' and 'really? she was only doing this with good intentions,' and 'she is your neighbour, there may be repercussions.'

Sod all that! This is a GROSS invasion of privacy, it's tactless, and it's a stupid, STUPID thing to do. Most people who don't work in a job role that requires confidentiality, know that you don't blab stuff you see at work! So someone who does should know this!

I know someone who works in a hotel, and pre-covid19, it was not unusual for him to see 4 or 5 different, married people a month, come in with their 'bit on the side.'. And they looked horrified when they saw him.

He, of course, never told anyone about it, and never said who they are, but he has said people he knows (who are married,) have come into the hotel for a shag, with someone they are not married to! And he is not allowed to tell anyone, as if he DID, he would be sacked. And in this case, it doesn't involve personal, sensitive, medical information. (As I said, he has never mentioned anyone's names.)

As a pp said, sod this woman being a next door neighbour, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone so stupid and insensitive anyway.

This cannot be left as it is, as it's very likely that this stupid woman has done it before, and that she will do it again.

She needs disciplining, and yes, as some posters have said, probably sacking.

@gldd Hope you get this all sorted. xxx

There are jobs in which keeping information confidential and not piling on a person when you do know something, is a given and the op's neighbour had one of those; she crossed the line. The woman needs to be reported. She may not lose her job but will be reprimanded and not do it again.

Someone could complain to the surgery on your behalf anyway. ie one of your friends who saw the card, it really isnt appropriate no matter what her intentions were and she needs to be reminded of that to prevent future issues regardless of whether she keeps her job.

I managed to accidentally find out a old friends new address (many years ago and I didn't click that it was my old friend til too late, common name it was the birthdate that gave it away)
Did I fuck rock up to the new address and say hi old friend, missed ya. Still haven't seen old friend. It would be wrong because of how I found the address.
I've also been given a huge report to type up and I couldn't because it was someone I knew. Caused problems because we had to find someone else to type it at short notice, but it would have been so wrong if I had done it. What if I let slip that I knew anything in it. I would prefer to not even ever see the report, then I could not be accused of anything.

So your neighbour should take the consequences of her actions.

Firstly sorry for your loss.

Where I work a neighbour would not be classed as “someone you know”. It has to be family or a friend. Otherwise you can’t access lots of records, making it difficult to do your job. I don’t work in a medical environment but have access to other GDPR protected data.
She was foolish to have discussed it and /or written a note.

Personally I would put it behind you because you have to live next door to them and she will clearly know it’s you. Are you going to be comfortable with her losing her job and any further confrontations. Not to mention being the source of further neighbourhood gossip regarding this painful subject.

OP, what guarantee do you have she's not going to continue to read your wife's medical records? And if she thought doing what she did was OK, I would not be surprised if she's doing the same with others' records. If no one speaks up, this will continue.

I am mortified at some posters on here suggesting to leave it, especially those operating professionally under GDPR. It's a basic failure and lack of understanding that every single one of us can become a victim of that if complacency and breaches are tolerated. They can have very serious consequences. It really isn't asking for much to expect someone to adhere to basic professional standards.

@PurplePansy05 she wasn't reading her records, she was opening post which contained letters from consultants / hospitals.

It's really not easy for reception / admin staff to access records as there's an audit log. It is very common they check mail from hospitals though.

@GrossedOuted OP's wife will likely have multiple letters exchanged in her situation, I know from my own experience. I cannot imagine a next door neighbour reading them and misusing my private information the way she did.

That is awful

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this on top of everything else.
Your neighbour did a dreadful thing, albeit one can assume with good intentions.
If you have the courage and mental space you should speak to the practice manager. Your neighbour overstepped a clear boundary and has contributed to, not reduced your anguish by so doing. By ‘reporting’ you can view it as contributing to her learning and personal growth and maybe she is not suited to work in an environment that demands absolute commitment to patient confidentiality.

She will be sacked, and so she should be. I can’t believe people are minimising how serious this is!

She knows she should not have done this. It is really awful, and maybe the next person whose information she shares won’t be able to cope with it. Please report her and protect other patients.

OP, so sorry you're going through this. Absolutely the last thing you needed at a time like this. I can't argue with PP who said report her, although I'd also be torn in your position.

One question is: given her obvious boundary issues, was that a once off, or is she going to bring this up again? If you don't go down the reporting route, is there a case for a brief letter saying some of what you've said here. That your wife thanked her, but was too polite to say that she was very distressed, you felt your privacy had been violated, that you hope she will not share this information with anyone else and you never want to discuss it with her again?