My dad has died from covid

[Whenismumhome]

I hadn’t seen him in years, he and my mum divorced and he cut all contact.

I found out that he died at the weekend after contracting covid 19 and ending up in ICU. I don’t really know whether I should feel sad or bitter at the fact he left my mother and my siblings when we were children and didn’t bother with us ever again.

He’s missed out on so much, he never got to meet his grandchildren which was 100% his fault.

I do feel sad, I feel sad that another life has been lost to this virus. I really do. But I just don’t know if I’m being silly considering he just didn’t care for me.

It's entirely normal to feel sad or not feel sad, or feel confused. Regardless of what he died from he has left you with lots of conflicting feelings. Just give yourself time. There is no right way to feel.

Sorry to hear that. I think it's very difficult when you lose someone who you should be close to but you actually had a strained relationship with. Look after yourself

Oh lovey - I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re allowed to grieve for what you have lost and for what you can’t now resolve with him.
Be kind to yourself x

I'm sorry. It sounds complicated and will of course be a shock. Be kind to yourself.

It's absolutely natural that you would have mixed emotions under the circumstances. There's no right or wrong way to feel, and you have only just found out so you're still in shock.

Take it easy on yourself over the next few days.

The death of an estranged parent is a really difficult and confusing time OP. Be kind to yourself.

I’m sorry. Let yourself grieve for the dad you SHOULD have had, the grandfathers your kids should have had. A little /young part of you may always have dreamt of it all becoming ok again, and you need to let that part mourn too...

Thank you everyone for your kind replies

I'm so sorry, op. You are more than entitled to feel any way you need to. I suspect you will go through an entire gauntlet of conflicting emotions. If it all gets to be too much, I hope you reach out to a grief counselor to help you through it.

I’m sorry OP. Not easy. Allow yourself feel what comes and be very, very kind and gentle on yourself. Treat yourself as you would your closest friend x

@MrsWooster that's exactly it, I think. It's a void in your life that only he could have filled and that is going to take a toll on you.
You need to be kind to yourself and grieve, it is a loss to you in a slightly different way.
Unfortunately some people don't 'parent' and it is their loss, DH and I both have absent fathers like this.