Help! What is going on with my 4.5 year old?

[norunningwithscizzuhz]

DS, aged 4 years 7 months. Started reception in September, seemed to settle really well. Never have any problems at drop off or pick up, he seems to get along with the other children fine, teachers say he is well behaved etc etc.

He has never been a tantrummy sort of child but he has all of a sudden started having the most almighty tantrums. Screaming, stamping his feet, nearly throwing up because he is crying so much. My Dad just came to see him for an hour after school but then had to leave and DS was shrieking "but I WANTED to play with Granddad, but I WANTED to play with Granddad". In the course of the tantrum he tried to scratch and hit me while in floods of tears and it took me ages to calm him down.

I'm at a loss at how to deal with these just because he has never been the tantrumming type.

Has anyone else's reception aged child suddenly started with this?

No new siblings btw, he is an only child and will more than likely stay that way.

Does dad live with you ?
Has there been any changes at all in the family/house/routine/diet ?

I sometimes think that starting school is fine, but when they realise it’s permanent they get fed up. Is he getting good quality sleep and a lie-in at the weekend if he wants it ?

Have a read about restraint collapse. This is a common occurrence when children start school.

He’s probably just knackered. It’s a long day for them full of stimulating activity and it’s near the end of the half term. Make sure he gets lots of chill out and down time over the holiday and see how it goes. I wouldn’t worry though.

The first term is really exhausting, and it's a long one he is probably just really tired.

My daughter was like this when she started school nursery age 3.5.

She was fine until the January after the Xmas holidays then suddenly changed and would get hysterical especially about going to school.

I think it just hit her this was permanent and she would be going 'forever'.

She settled down eventually.

Oh man, Reception year is the WORST for post-school tantrums and tears, even for the most well adjusted child.

The most you can do is keep an eye on shoving a snack and some quiet time down them as soon as possible after pick-up, keeping after school afternoons as low key as you can, and early bedtimes with plenty of cuddles. It will pass.

For now, keep visitors (even brilliant exciting Grandad-type ones) to a minimum and definitely don't agree to any playdates or activities!

I was about to say tired

Does dad live with you ? he does, yes

Has there been any changes at all in the family/house/routine/diet ? None whatsoever. His diet and appetite are both crap but they always have been - he's a really fussy eater.

Is he getting good quality sleep and a lie-in at the weekend if he wants it ?

He is always asleep by 7.30 and then up in the morning about 7.15. We don't have to leave til 8.40 so we aren't rushing around. His sleep has always been very good.

Seems like it might be normal then. I'm just finding it very disconcerting because it is so new for him.

We pretty much always have quiet time after pick up - he comes home and sits down with his tablet or a book/puzzle

We tried no screens but it made no difference

@LunaLoveFood

The first term is really exhausting, and it's a long one he is probably just really tired.

This exactly. I'm in Ireland but have always experienced elements of this.

Mine are now 13,11 & 9 and the younger 2 are going crazy as we approach midterm (half-term equivalent here).

They are always wrecked at this time of year.

I echo pp who say tiredness. I thought DD would be fine as she had been in nursery pretty much full time since 1 year old. The last couple of weeks of first term reception were nightmarish! Chin up, not long to go x

OK so fingers crossed half term helps!!

He doesn't seem exhausted - at this precise moment he is running back and forth through our flat like a lunatic.

I think it's not just the physical tiredness - it's the mental exhaustion of following rules and remembering how to behave and regulate their behaviour with their classmates etc. Lots of expectations on them, so that means they act out when they experience any other demands or loss of control of what they thought would happen when at home.