Parenting assessment in mum and baby foster placement

[NewMummy190820]

Hi. looking for any advice/support.

I am a 1st time mum to my beautiful daughter. I am 22 y/o and have come from a voilent relationship dating back about 7 years. Social services come involved when i admitted to midwife that there had been violence in relationship. Put on child protection. Told to do parenting assessment/pshycologicl assessments all to be done whilst we are living in a mum and baby foster placement. Not with babys father. Social worker/Midwifes/Hv/DV worker all have nothing but good things to say about me and praise me for how well i am doing. Our case in not in court and i agreed to do this voluntary to prove to them i can & will look after my baby and keep her from any harm. Obviously there are concerns that me and babys father can rekindle relationship as we was together 7 years. My main question here is can independent social worker fail my parenting assessment just because she "THINKS" relationship could continue in future. Could they take my baby away with no solid proof of me and babys father getting back together.. just that it is a worry. Sorry for long post. Any advice i would be really grateful

You've done so well. You asked for help and tried from the start to protect your daughter.

Sorry to hear that you were in the care system. I hope that you and your daughter will move happily onwards with your lives.

No real advice as I haven't been in the same exact situation (though had abusive partners in the past). Just wanted to wish you well.

@firesong Thank you so much, That means a lot. Cant wait to get home and start a fresh with my beautiful daughter.

Wishing you all the best too

[quote NewMummy190820]@CodenameVillanelle Isw dont believe we are back together. They are just mentioning that they are conscerned we could rekindle in future. I have been in mum and baby fosterplacement since my baby girl was born (Voluntry). Havent left my daughter or foster carers side so really they cant have an concerns that i have seen him. Just wondering just because they believe it could rekindle because of amount of history we have this cant be a reason to give me a negative assessment, Even if everything else is positive[/quote]
Well, it's always going to be a concern, so of course they will mention it. A social work assessment should look at risks and strengths and form an analysis based on the balance. They can't discount that there is a risk you will get back together - it's really common.
However that doesn't mean that the balance of risks will be weighted against you. If you haven't been in contact there will be no evidence for them to state that you have. Keep it that way and you'll be ok.

@CodenameVillanelle ISW has mentioned this would be the only negative she could put down so far as she doesnt see any other negatives at moment and we are half way threw assessment. I totally understand there will always be that concern and i do not blame them 1 bit. So this 1 concern should not result in a negative assessment ? Thank you for your help

It shouldn't result in an assessment that says you pose an unacceptable level of risk to your baby, no

@CodenameVillanelle Thank you for your help, I appreciate it

No worries. Just stay strong and don't start thinking you can trick the social workers and carry on seeing him in secret. I promise you, they will find out and it could ruin your life.

@CodenameVillanelle i 100% know this, thank you

No advice but I just wanted to say good luck, OP. It can’t have been easy getting away from your abuser. You should be really proud of yourself. Wishing you the brightest future with your beautiful girl. Xx

@Wnikat Thank you so much for the kind message and support, It means a lot at such a difficult time. Over the 7 years it has not been easy but my daughter gave me a strength i didnt know i had honestly i have never been happier.

Take care, Thanks again xx

[quote NewMummy190820]@Merename Honestly my daughter has given me the strength. I can admit i was weak before, i stayed way longer than i should have and put up with stuff i never should have put up with but she really has gave me the strength i need and made me realise i never want my daughter to go threw what i did. We do deserve better. Thank you for your support. And also your kind words. It means a lot.[/quote]
You’re welcome. Yes you stayed longer than you ‘should have’, as in no one should be in an abusive situation. But please keep working to understand deeply how it happened. Abuse of all forms tends to involve emotional abuse and grooming you to think you are ‘weak’ (to use your words), unworthy etc. The dynamics of domestic abuse are strong and so hard to understand on the outside. But usually there are clear reasons that women don’t leave, which make sense. Sometimes they know there is a real risk of being killed (two women per week are killed in the uk by partners or ex partners - horrifying). So these women are not ‘weak’, they are actually making a very realistic judgement that it is too risky for them to leave. Other women are financially dependent or isolated and fear building a new life alone. Most feel they love this person and cling on to the times they were kind and feel if they just changed, then he would be kind again. Abusive men are skilled at making women feel it’s their fault.

So you need to continue building on that strength you feel by understanding what happened and what you want/don’t want for the future. You’ve done an amazing thing turning this around for your daughter! Keep learning and growing.