My toddler daughter might love her daddy more

[itsafig]

I feel stupid writing this, but I feel so sad about it and don't feel able to speak to anyone in real life about it.

I had DD2 a few months ago, and looking after her is very intense, particularly because she's EBF and a poor sleeper (she only really naps on me in a quiet room).

As a result, care of DD1 (who is 2) has fallen much more on DH. DD1 goes to nursery, DH does drop-offs and pick-ups, does her bath, naps and bedtime. I make a big fuss of DD1 at the weekend and try to get DH to look after DD2 while I spend some time with DD1, but the fact is, DD1 will see daddy as her primary caregiver at the moment.

This is fine except she'll often ask where daddy is if for example I'm doing her bath, or she'll say no I don't want you I want daddy. This absolutely breaks my heart. Prior to DD2 I worked 4 days a week and spent the fifth day with DD1, and we used to sleep together as well (DD1 was also a terrible sleeper), so I feel like things have really changed for us, and I hate that she might like daddy more. DH dismisses this and isn't very sensitive to my feelings on this. Often I feel like a third wheel when I'm following DD1 and DH around a park, carrying the baby while they giggle away.

Am I being too sensitive? Does/did anyone else feel the same? Will I look back and laugh at how precious I'm being? Any advice and thoughts would be gratefully received. Thank you.

Honestly it's likely a phase. My 3yo changes his mind monthly. At the moment I'm the favourite which is lovely but also extremely demanding roll on Daddy's turn to give me a chance to miss being favourite lol

mrsbob haha I know I shouldn't take a toddler's words literally! You're completely right, and I'm so grateful she's not been at all jealous of DD2. She at times appears so adult - sometimes she'll be playing with me while DH is in another room with DD2, DD2 cries and DD1 will say to me mummy DD2 is crying and wants you now. I think/hope things will be different in a few months, when DD2 is less needy.

Those posters who have suggested a sling, yes that's a lifesaver! I use it as much as possible to allow me to engage with DD1. But rough and tumble on the playground is out, and that's mostly what we do these days.

I'm going through this at the moment with 2yo DS. I work ft and DP is a sahd, so naturally their bond is strong, but the preference for Dad over me is so clear.

He often screams for daddy even if he's not home, he sometimes won't let me comfort him - only daddy will do, and I've been told to go away multiple times. He sometimes runs to his big brother over me too!

I know it's a phase, but it bloody hurts sometimes.

I am DD2 of DD3. My DM was quite poorly after having me, and subsequently my younger sister. I was also a "sickly child" and I've inherited, for example, the rocking chair my Dad used to comfort me when I had whooping cough etc. I was always closer to my Dad growing up. I was gutted when I got to around 10 yo and my Dad felt it was inappropriate to tuck me into bed at night. Now I am in my 40s and have DC of my own I'm closer to my Mum. I remember in my 20s when I had colposcopy and phoned home my Dad answered and said, "How are you bits?". I was like, "Okay Dad....can I speak to Mum...". My relationship with both of them is different now I'm older but having DC of my own now I'm like, "why are you asking ME for milk? Dad is right next to the fridge!". We have a routine so DC know Dad does bath/bedtime when I'm at the gym etc but also love "mummy stories" when it's my turn. Your kids love you OP. They don't have favourites - just two DP who love them dearly. Can your DH have DD2 for a while so you have exclusive time with DC1?

absolut I feel your pain! I hope it's your turn to be favourite soon.

jam I laughed at 'how are your bits', though I hope your colposcopy was ok and it was nothing serious. At the moment DH takes DD2 out for a walk on Saturday and Sunday afternoons, which gives me and DD1 some alone time. It's a short walk but still lovely.

A question for all: how do people manage two little ones at home when the younger won't sleep in the cot or pram? I'd like to have DD1 home one day during the week again like I used to, but not sure how I'll manage both! I know this sounds ridiculous but DD2 is INTENSE, and DD1 has no patience!

I used to do lots of sitting down activities with my ds1 while ds2 breast fed. This is a good time to watch a lot of CBeebies together or set dd1 up at the table to do some drawing while while dd2 sleeps on you. I also got ds1 to 'do jobs' for me, fetching a nappy, muslin etc, he loved being helpful.

He once said to me, as he left the room, "I'm going up stairs, look after my baby"😂. Ds1 is still very protective over his little brother and I think their relationship was laid down n those early days. DS2 is disabled and it is of great comfort to me how close they are.

Just go for it, you will work it out as you go and be absolutely fine!

It's very normal I'm afraid, and I've had the same.

Though I note how you were saying how she used to cry for mummy etc - I expect your husband felt exactly how you do now, so rather than feeling sad that you've lost (in your view) some of your closeness, try to embrace that they are getting a closer relationship, as that is lovely for them, and helps redress some of the 'mummy centric' imbalance that often comes from the first year or two (especially if mum is round a lot more than dad, and with breastfeeding etc).

This is a very small part of their childhood, and it will all balance out in the end.

I've literally had 'i don't love you, I only love daddy'. It's hard, but it's their way of coping with all the changes, and its not forever.

Have a read of this www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/i-dont-have-a-favourite-child-but-i-do-have-a-primary-one_uk_5df216a0e4b06a50a2eaa4a5?ncid=eda_huffpostuk_dvrrfd3zn0c&kwp_0=1765008&fbclid=IwAR2oUIq8PIcqUAZsXpJIu_0ISd4SPc2I0WlB70axE0XxvBPQa9iv-3vdSZg