She's not dead. I'm late 40s. She's mid 70s. Anytime we've "talked" since my teens has cost me more emotionally and financially (needed fecking therapy to get over it). Generally not willing to risk the upset to the status quo these days.
Dear mum;
You like it when I cry. It makes me vulnerable in your eyes and you see a chink to comfort me. I think I've seen you poke wounds just so that you can soothe them.
I was a normal grumpy teenager. I didn't want to talk to anyone. It want wasn't directed at you.
I'm an introvert. School knackered me out. I was too tired to make small talk in the car. I needed time after school to recover. It wasn't fetching personal.
You took my normal grotty teenager behaviour and took it personally. You reflected it back on me and used it to punish me. I was still a child!
Your distorted childhood is not my fault. You should have protected me from it.
You enjoyed punishing me for my perceived lack of emotion by withdrawing your affection.
You were broken. But you perpetuated the brokenness .