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Things I might say to my mother

6 replies

BrassicaBabe · 17/10/2020 23:46

She's not dead. I'm late 40s. She's mid 70s. Anytime we've "talked" since my teens has cost me more emotionally and financially (needed fecking therapy to get over it). Generally not willing to risk the upset to the status quo these days.

Dear mum;

You like it when I cry. It makes me vulnerable in your eyes and you see a chink to comfort me. I think I've seen you poke wounds just so that you can soothe them.

I was a normal grumpy teenager. I didn't want to talk to anyone. It want wasn't directed at you.

I'm an introvert. School knackered me out. I was too tired to make small talk in the car. I needed time after school to recover. It wasn't fetching personal.

You took my normal grotty teenager behaviour and took it personally. You reflected it back on me and used it to punish me. I was still a child!

Your distorted childhood is not my fault. You should have protected me from it.

You enjoyed punishing me for my perceived lack of emotion by withdrawing your affection.

You were broken. But you perpetuated the brokenness .

OP posts:
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Anordinarymum · 18/10/2020 02:45

OP hope you are ok

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DramaAlpaca · 18/10/2020 02:50

I hear you, OP Flowers

I also have a mother who makes it all about her. I do my best, but by God it's hard.

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BitOfFun · 18/10/2020 02:55

I'm so sorry that your relationship with her still feels fractured. Have you ever tried counselling to resolve these feelings? It might help a lot, and you wouldn't have to reopen old wounds by talking directly to her.

I'd say something very different to mine, now I'm dying of breast cancer and will go before here.

"I'm sorry, mum, for all those times I was rude and selfish to you as a teenager- I hope you've forgotten them. You gave me the best childhood you ever could have, and I wish that your own could have been easier. You've spent your life doing things for other people, including me, and I want you to know how much I admire you and am thankful for that. I feel so close to you, and I hope you don't miss me too much, because I'll always be with you. I love you."

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NiteWotcha · 18/10/2020 03:05

Hope you're okay OP Flowers

Big gentle hug to BoF Flowers

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DramaAlpaca · 18/10/2020 03:13

Another big, soft hug to BitOfFun Flowers

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BrassicaBabe · 18/10/2020 07:27

Thanks. I'm ok. Just felt I wanted to write it down.

ThanksBitoffun and lovely words

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