thislookslikeaninterestingread ·
17/10/2020 13:30
Me and bf of one year have been raised in different financial brackets, and I'm struggling to see if my negative feelings towards money are my resentment, or in response to his ignorance.
He's 35 and has just got out of a dead end job into something better, but he's very much at the bottom of the career ladder. He's done all the things I was brought up to believe were wrong - drugs, failing education, being sacked/ gross dismissal etc... Yet thanks to his family he's very financially well off, and this definitely grates on me.
In contrast I'm 32 and from a very working class background, had to move around a lot for work experience, have always rented, first in my family to go to uni and am now in a good career. It's definitely been very lonely, insecure and hard but I'm proud of my independence and I'm finally in the position to buy a property after 10 years of saving for a 50k house deposit.
My boyfriends parents bought him a house outright, it's in his name and he pays them a tiny nominal amount back for it each month, but it's an informal agreement.
I'm struggling to not feel annoyed at my boyfriends circumstances and how unfair it is. How can I get over this?
I've very much had to open his eyes to how other people have to save/ sacrifice and he can see how lucky he's been, but it's little comments that really get to me including 'just to a job that makes you happy, don't worry about the money', 'why don't you just buy a new car if you like driving so much' etc etc...
I also envy the fact he's been able to stay so close to his childhood friends in an expensive city, I couldn't afford to do that as its too expensive in my home area so I moved away thus loosing connections.
Every part of his life has been so easy and I find myself comparing my situation and feeling like a failure.
I think what gets to me above everything is seeing all the opportunities he's had that I would have been so grateful for, and yet knowing he's not taken advantage of them or tried to better himself in any way. The house is a bachelor pad mess and he's done nothing with his life.
He knows how I feel and says I need to accept him for who he is. He seems to be trying to better himself now (new job, selling the house) but I can't help feel disappointed in him and like he's a waster/ done nothing for himself and I need to find someone with the same drive and independence as myself.
He's always being given further financial help from family, and I just find it so deeply unattractive that he wouldn't want to stand on his own two feet and make something of himself.
He's so ignorant to his circumstance and I'm so sensitive/ bitter about mine. Can this ever work? He's a nice guy in every other respect, tries hard, caring and wants to make me happy. I find him very physically attractive, he's loyal and makes me laugh.
Help :(