Tell me he doesnt get a happy ending after what he did

[hellowednesday]

Really struggling. NC as I’m so embarrassed.

Please humour me, I know I am being mean, spiteful and harbouring a grudge. I know I need to move on but it’s only recently happened and I just need some mean thoughts to get me through what’s happened.

ExDP of 8 years cheated on me the same day I miscarried. He lied to me for 7 weeks after finding out she was pregnant at 6 months pregnant, and then kept us both going at the same time for the last two months, slowly behaving more and more argumentative towards me when I had NO idea what I had done wrong. I hadn’t done anything, he was just setting up for a big break up with me when she agreed to move in with him...she lives in Scotland and we are in Exeter so either she or he had to move to see the baby.

During the time he lied to me I had taken him away for his birthday, made him dinner every night, he told me he was so excited for our future...it makes me feel sick.

It’s been three months now since she moved into my home. Yes I know it’s no longer mine. I hate him for what he did to me and I am having therapy and feeling better.

I just really want to hear that he hasn’t got some happy ending with someone he barely knows. I know I shouldn’t care but I do. I’m left broken and in pieces while he has a ready made family and life now. It seems to cruel and unfair. I know I’m bitter but today I just can’t feel anything else.

I'm sorry you lost your baby, OP .

If he's the kind of bloke who'd cheat on you while you were miscarrying, he's unlikely to change and he'll probably end up cheating on the new woman too once the novelty has worn off. I don't see a happy ending, I see the sort of bloke who'll end up with a string of failed relationships and possibly a string of children that he hardly sees.

I am absolutely certain he wont get his happy ending. People like him create shit wherever they go.

OP, he is still in your head, and you are still wasting energy on thinking about him and wanting vengeance and hoping he is miserable.
That means he still has the power to hurt and upset you.
Please learn to let this go. You will only be truly free of him when you feel nothing but indifference towards him.
“Vengeance is mine”, sayeth the Lord. In other words, give your anger and resentment to God, and let Him deal with your ex as He sees fit.
Free yourself of all these negative angry feelings and start enjoying your own life without that pathetic shit of a man in it. He is not worth wasting another thought on.

It doesn't matter. What matters is that you get yours.

You're only hurting yourself thinking this way. It was one horrible experience out of a lifetime of many many happy moments. He isn't going to be thinking about the stuff you are. You have to move on and be happy with you now

She's really stuck with him now, isn't she? That's her life ruined.

And him - he does these things as he's one of those hollow types who aren't able to generate happiness and life satisfaction from within and are constantly chasing it externally with the next big thrill, conspiracy, affair, degradation. They hurt others to feed off, get a thrill from, that observed pain. This type are incredibly unpleasant people and you're well out of it.

Don't forget - he is stuck with himself for the rest of his life, you have the absolute privilege of walking away from it. Grab that with both hands and don't look back.

He won't tell you but rest assured that he is doing this stuff because he isn't happy.

I had sort of the same situation with my ex. He now lives with the OW (my ex friend) in what used to be my house together with their children. On one hand (mutual friends so speak very rarely) he tells me that they are so blissfully happy. On the other hand he told me about his future plans after retirement, plans which didn't feature her but featured a move across country that she will never make due to other reasons and has been very clear about. He is clearly not planning on keeping her beyond the child rearing days. This will leave her without a house, not much money due to child rearing all on her own and hardly any pension. You don't do that to someone you are blissfully happy with, to plan a retirement alone.

I'm the lucky one. You will be too. Make your own life. In a few years you will see that you are better off making your own decisions.

I hope you can get to the point of not particularly caring what kind of ending he has.

Some good advice here.
Living your well life is the best thing you can do.
While some cheaters look like their lives are encrusted with unicorn glitter there are so many that Chuck a good partner away and then their own lives unravel so much.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again.
When I was dumped for another woman , 15 years ago after a 30 year marriage
The ex went off to Dubai with her.
Living the high life, I would have loved it but would never have left my children and grandchildren.

He seemed to think he could have it all but he got to see our son once a year and because he treated our beloved Dd so abominably
She cut him out of her life for6 years

Then he had to marry the karen, he left me for, although he didn’t love her,he told our son. It as the law.
Eventually , the Karen, had enough of Dubai life, or was missing the 18 year old dd she left behind, I don’t know, so started to come back to the uk for weeks on end.

Then he got terminal cancer and his Dubai life was over.

Within two years after that his lIfe was over.

Me, I’ve been with a lovely man for 12 years, married for 5
We are very happy. We’ve had a blast , travelled all over , comfortably off, in reasonable good health and he’s very close to my children and grandchildren that their real dad and grandad turned his back on.

My second husband retired at 58 and it’s been amazing these last 9 years
Right now, we are heading off in a taxi for the airport and the canaries.

Nothing to be embarrassed about op

3 months is nothing when you've been hurt so badly. There will come a time when you will think nothing of him. I doubt very much he has his happy ever after, he will do it again and she will spend the rest of their relationship wondering if he will do it to her if he hasn't already.

You've had a lucky escape and you'll realise that I'm time. Most importantly, you will find your happy ever and he won't be a shit bag like him

Sorry for your loss

You need to get your head around the fact that you are better off without him. Don't waste any more time or energy thinking about what might have been. They both sound awful so they deserve each other but I doubt if they will have a happy ending.

Keep your chin up and move on with your life. There are decent men out there, you can have the life you desire. You just need to be willing to put this waster behind you.

Never look back, he didn't deserve you anyway!

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP.

He may or may not get a happy ending but as soon as you stop giving a shit - and honestly (it doesn't feel like it now) but that day will come, you'll get your happy ending and that's all that matters

OP 3 months isn't any time at all really, it wasn't a short relationship and you're grieving on so many levels.

I think grieving someone who you loved so much shouldn't be about whether or not they deserve it because the grief is actually all about you. It's your process and you will get through it, all of it. And then you'll let it go. I promise.

He has treated you awfully, but the only person you are hurting with this thinking is you.

Sometimes people can cheat and find they're better suited to the other person. They go on to live happily together.

Other times they move on and the new relationship doesn't live up to the thrill of the affair, and when the relationship falls into mundane family life the cheater starts sniffing around for another OW.

The fact he was willing to cheat after your miscarriage probably puts him in the second camp, but either way his future relationships have no impact on your happiness and your life moving forward. Would you honestly feel any better if you'd done the pick me dance, he chose you and you were still together? Probably not because the trust would be gone and who'd want to be with a man who cheats when his partner is miscarrying?

I know all the pp saying let it go, don't let him live in your head etc are right but its really early days. If you're still stewing on it forgive yourself for having difficulty getting over it as it takes time and he betrayed you in a particularly awful way.
Take some time to focus on yourself, I felt the same way as you 7 years ago and now I really don't care if my ex is happy or not, I don't spend any time thinking about it .
The pp in the taxi on the way to the Canaries still sounds a bit bitter tbh despite the lovely life she seems to have now, when you get to the point where simply do care then you'll know you're "over it."

The Karen?

...

Sorry OP. You are still grieving the child and the life you lost, that has to be very hard. But, as others have said, you are still housing him in your head. You need to evict him. He'll get what he gets and the man he is will always be inside his heat. Leave him to it.

don't care

You poor love, what an awful, awful man.

He won't get a happy ending, because people like this always fuck people over. He did this to you and he will do it to her. Think he will sick by his kids? Nope, they'll grow tired of him too. He will flit from woman to woman and leave a pile of destruction in his wake until one day he will find himself all alone.

You? You will move on from this and realise the best thing he ever did was to leave. You will have people in your life who will love you and respect you. This man never did.

You may not feel like the winner in this but trust me - you are.

He won't get a happy ending, because people like this always fuck people over. He did this to you and he will do it to her. Think he will sick by his kids? Nope, they'll grow tired of him too. He will flit from woman to woman and leave a pile of destruction in his wake until one day he will find himself all alone.

As much as that's very likely, you don't know that's true and nor does the OP.

Therefore, it would be wiser for the OP to learn to (eventually) give up caring what happens to him and his life.

You have been through a lot and it good that your getting therpy to help you.
I watched a friend (not living in the UK) - of mine go through some thing similar to you with a man she knew for years. He was telling her what she wanted to hear to keep her happy and keep her available between his other girlfriends. My friend asked him to meet her. He said he meet her and then let her down and told her a pack of lies.
She then heard via a mutual friend that he was going out with another woman. Less than a year later she found out his partner was about to give birth.

It's now a few years later. Earlier this year her ex contacts my friend after a mutual friend told him X was asking about you. He tells my friend all about the child and his life now but never mentions the mother of his child who by the way he is still living with. He then tell her about a few other things in his life.

My friend has meanwhile found out a few things about him. She figured out that things are not going well between him and his partner. His partner got pregnant within 6 months of meeting him and he wanted a family. They are together a few years now but their is no sign of a wedding.

His friends/relatives don't like her as she been rude/aggressive with them.

He had money issues but they were sorted out recently. He also has several health issues which could lead to him dying at a young age unless he makes several lifestyle changes.

He had some money issues but he now has them sorted.

Oh OP

I'm sorry you have gone through so so much.

Your silver lining is that you got to see the real him before it went any further.

As for him, he lacks the ability to form strong genuine bonds. He is self serving and lacks empathy. Not desirable as a long term partner at all.

You deserve better. You deserve to be appreciated and loved.

OP, I’m sorry for your loss.
When he should have been a source of comfort, he did the worst thing imaginable. If he was already ready to cheat on you on that day, I’d dare say that he would probably have done so even if you hadn’t miscarried, and may have strung you along for a longer time. You found out and you’re out of that situation. It’s only been three months, with so many big and unexpected changes, it’s normal to be embittered.

I’m glad you’ve found a therapist who can help you, they’re not always the correct fit. Use the therapy as much as you can to mull over the details in your head, with the therapist’s help and support. Don’t shy away from the painful parts - if you get them out in the open early, you will be able to address them and then with time, they will not be able to hurt you as much as when you first delved into them.

Of course you will not be able to forget this, but slowly train yourself to not let him / them occupy such a big part of your mind. I don’t think it’s mean to hope they get what they deserve, but do not spend your life lurking and waiting because it’s easy to waste your life that way.

Keep an eye out every so often if you are unable to leave it behind, but hopefully it will not be the main driving force for you to move forward. Not everyone gets ‘punished’ in a visible way, or in good time either. Just know that you’ve escaped a shitty future with a lousy specimen of a man. If you had a friend in your situation, I believe you’d be relieved for her that she’s rid of a shitbag. And anyway he doesn’t have you, serves him right.

Keep getting stronger and get your health and happiness back for your own sake!