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Original poster

Suggestions to help me to help my DH...?

17 replies

Nutmegpapaya · 16/10/2020 23:39

This might be a bit of a strange question but I was hoping someone might have some suggestions about how I can help my DH.

Like a lot of people he's been working from home full time since March. Throughout lockdown we were doing ok as we were both working from home together. However in July my work had me go back into the office and they're not very flexible with me working from home, although in he last 2 or 3 weeks I've managed to work from home 2 days a week.

My problem is, I can tell that my DH is starting to struggle with being on his own so much and I'm not sure how to help him. He hasn't really spoken about it too much but i know he's lonely and seems to feel very down a lot of the time.

We don't have any children (we're trying but having no luck), we don't have any pets, and his work is very very quiet so his work is not even occupying him for the 8 hours a day he would usually be working.

He has been told that WFH will likely be permanent from now on due to the nature of his role and I'm just not sure how to help him with the loneliness that he's clearly feeling.

At the moment he does the vast majority of the house work so that he has something to do, and I've suggested he gets out and about in his lunch hour by going for a walk.

I can see he seems so much brighter on the days I'm allowed to work from home but unfortunately I can't do that anymore than I already am as my employer has a very old fashioned view of WFH and places a lot of value on presenteeism even in a pandemic.

Sorry this is long, I'm just starting to worry about him as he's quite a sensitive person (although he tries to hide it) and I've found that every day when I get home he's been in bed having a nap as he says he feels tired all the time (He finishes work earlier than I do so by the time I commute home he's usually had at least an hour since finishing work.

OP posts:

Embracelife · 16/10/2020 23:46

He needs to see his gp

OuiOuiKitty · 16/10/2020 23:52

This might sound flippant and its not meant to be but would you consider getting a pet? My mil was feeling lonely during lockdown, is now working from home until she retires in Dec and honestly her wee puppy has been the making of her.
He gets her out on walks, is a little clown so always making her laugh, always needs to go out for a pee or play fetch so keeps her busy and snuggles up beside her at night. The change in her happiness is evident for us all to see, I swear she seems 10 years younger since he arrived in her life

Original poster

Nutmegpapaya · 16/10/2020 23:55

@embracelife I am worried that he is getting depressed but there's no way he'd speak to the GP, he would definitely say there's no need to make a fuss and that other people have it worse.

I've gently spoken to him and made a couple of suggestions of things he could do to break up the day and he said he appreciated me thinking about him and he would try and implement some (eg he mentioned he wanted to start jogging so I suggested doing c25k on his lunch and he said he'll download the app and look into it)

I've also suggested that he could start looking for other jobs so that he can be kept busier but he's understandably nervous about moving jobs during a pandemic

OP posts:

Original poster

Nutmegpapaya · 16/10/2020 23:57

@ouiouikitty yes we have! We've wanted a dog for a long time and i did say to him tonight that perhaps now is the time to get one, as we know he'll always be at home for it and it could help with his loneliness

OP posts:

wheresmymojo · 16/10/2020 23:58

When I was WFH full time on my own I found that working from a local coffee shop or cafe really broke the week up.

I used to do it at least once a week.

He may also find co-working spaces or if there are hotels locally with coffee areas people often work in those.

I'm considering going to the Four Seasons one day and nursing a coffee for a luxury morning out!

Also I offered on our local FB page to take neighbours dogs for a walk (for free).

madcatladyforever · 17/10/2020 00:00

I know it sounds trite but have you considered getting a friendly cat? My lovely girl has been an absolute life saver during lockdown as I've not been able to see or visit anyone and she's been such a wonderful companion.

wheresmymojo · 17/10/2020 00:00

Can he start some kind of passion project or side hustle in his downtime?

It could be anything as long as it keeps him focused on a goal...

Or is there any kind of training he's ever wanted to do?

wheresmymojo · 17/10/2020 00:00

Also yes to cats. Four here and they make a huge difference.

SciFiScream · 17/10/2020 00:02

If he has time (legitimately and would not get into bother from work) there should be volunteering opportunities near you that might help.

I've got friends that drive for the food bank for example.

Search volunteering opps + location online and I hope you might get a match.

There's also stuff he could do from home I think Silverline need callers. They have a system where you are buddied up with an older person and have regular chats on the phone.

Zoom conversational classes to help people learn English?

Original poster

Nutmegpapaya · 17/10/2020 00:13

I think he would love to work from a coffee shop or similar but there aren't any locally and he doesnt drive / we only have 1 car (that I drive to the office). Within walking distance there is a shop, a pub and a leisure centre / gym. Actually, maybe the gym has a coffee shop within it - I'll have him look into it!

Or maybe in the mornings on my way to work I could drop him off at one a bit further away and he could use his lunch hour to walk back or get a taxi back when he's had enough.

The pair of us have started a project together (although he's definitely taking the lead and doing much more of it) but it is kind of based around gardening so will now have to be paused and wait until spring.

I think getting him to work outside the house or getting a pet is the way forward tbh! I don't think I could convince him to get a cat right now but I might start a subtle campaign of showing him kitten photos to warm him up to them! Haha

OP posts:

wheresmymojo · 17/10/2020 00:38

Do what my DM did...

One Friday my Stepfather came home from work and there was a kitten sitting in the middle of the lounge which he had said no to.

The following Friday he came home from work and there was a second kitten sitting in the lounge to keep the first one company.

Redbirds · 17/10/2020 00:44

I'd get a dog as it gets you out of the house and you get talking to so many people. Plus the fresh air and exercise really help.

stanski · 17/10/2020 00:46

@wheresmymojo your mom is ace! 😁

pumpkinpie01 · 17/10/2020 01:04

Would definitely get a dog over a cat , he will have to go out on dog walks so he will have a purpose for going out which will massively break the day up for him .

Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2020 01:15

Get a car. Definitely.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2020 01:15

Fuck. CAT not car.

Original poster

Nutmegpapaya · 17/10/2020 10:28

@wheresmymojo haha that is so funny - I bet your step dad wouldnt be without them now!

Thanks all for your suggestions everyone, I think that looking into getting a dog is the best way forward but that may take a bit of time (prices of puppies have shot up in lockdown so we'd have to save a bit more to get one now if we can't find a suitable rescue one) and obviously we'd want to research more first too.

OP posts:

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