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Original poster

I don’t want to send my child to nursery

24 replies

Buzlightyear1 · 15/10/2020 15:34

So I was wondering if I can have a few honest opinions. My son will be 4 in January, I had planned on getting him in to nursery after Christmas. With everything going on I don’t really want to any more, I’m at risk if I do catch Covid. Also with the new settling in process plus my ex who Is not allowed to have unsupervised acess but I’m worried he will turn up and cause problems. My family are supporting me and this decision, but I find random strangers trying to get me to take him. These are people I’ve never met before but makes me feel confused. My son is very confident and good at playing with others. He talks very well socially I don’t really see a problem. I’m just woundering if I’m being a really horrible mum by not sending him.

OP posts:

EvilPea · 15/10/2020 15:36

Don’t then. I didnt until a month or two before they started School just so they got used to being left (as they had never been left with anyone else).
Being honest School was a bumpy start (although I’m not sure it would have been much better if they’d gone). But I don’t regret the time we had and the learning we did.

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 15/10/2020 15:42

Thank you. That was the only reason I was going to send him to get ready for school. With everything going on I’m thinking it would be better to leave it now. It’s just made me doubt myself, with people commenting on it. Thank you.

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 15/10/2020 15:48

Do you need to for childcare reasons? If so, a childminder might be a better option?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery Families

Joeyandpacey · 15/10/2020 16:03

Of course it’s fine. What did people do before nursery was a thing? Socialising in parks, shops, with family (covid allowing) is plenty.

Hailtomyteeth · 15/10/2020 16:08

Don't send him. What feels right to you is the way to go.

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 15/10/2020 16:11

Thank you. I really appreciate it. No I’m lucky enough to not need child care At them moment. That was how I was thinking he goes to parks and meets others. He’s a very happy boy who loves to share. It was just the way people in the street start to comment, at first I was like well what’s it got to do with you, although I was nicer when talking. Then it started to make me doubt what I was doing. So thank you.

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 15/10/2020 16:17

Are there any preschools nearby? You might find one who will take him a couple of days or half days a week, there will probably be 1 or 2 with dc who he will end up st school with.
It’s what I did with both of mine, they started a couple of mornings and then built it up until they did 3 days 9-3 for the term before they started school. They knew loads of other dc in their new classes and the pre school/school worked together Pre transition, despite having no official link
They are usually not for profit charities so much cheaper too and only run in term time

LindaFromMCC · 15/10/2020 16:25

People get weird about this IME. I did send DC to nursery, but they were about 3 when they went and it really struck me how many of the workers/teachers commented about how bad it was they hadn't been in childcare before.

Comments like initial concerns about DC before they started about how well they'd integrate because they'd never been in a childcare setting etc. All turned out to be a crock of shit because they've both always been very good socially and have never had any concerns about them. Both flourished in reception and beyond.

If I were you, I would have concerns about the initial start of school for your DC, but my understanding is that they are having much longer transition periods for reception kids this year, and it wouldn't surprise me if that was in place next year too. If it was, then it might be less of a startling and abrupt start to full time education for your DC so less of a concern.

Nonamesavail · 15/10/2020 16:25

My daughter didn't go. No one said anything at all.

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 15/10/2020 16:25

No unfortunately I’m in a village there isn’t really much here. The nursery itself would be a 20 min bus ride. The local school I hope he will go to don’t have a pre school.

OP posts:

Joeyandpacey · 15/10/2020 16:41

Oh just ignore those questions and be vague. Never get into conversation with someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Not sure and not yet are good answers.

Autumngoldleaf · 15/10/2020 16:57

Op, often people feel insecure if people make different decisions to them.

You don't need to send him, he's socially ok, your family support you and we are in a pandemic, don't send him.
Just keep taking him out when you can.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 15/10/2020 17:02

None of mine went to nursery & yes people can be weird about it

Over the years I’ve decided that people who seem overly concerned about the choices made by strangers are actually insecure in their own choices. Big smile & “this works for/is best for us/our family” usually helps them shut up...

EvilPea · 15/10/2020 17:03

Yes I did get some odd comments and raised eyebrows, but it was right the right thing.
We did one term (so the summer term before school) of half days 2x a week at the preschool nearest the school.

Given the current climate I’m not sure I would bother, I think the potential changes in routine with isolating, potential staff issues and inability to do proper settling in sessions would be enough for me not to bother.
Should things change or you feel it would benefit them I’d look again in the spring.

Hoppinggreen · 15/10/2020 17:09

There might be a pretty school somewhere around, doesn’t have to be part of an actual school.

TeaandBiscuitsPower · 15/10/2020 17:12

I can see why you'd be wary, but I do think a good nursery can give a child a great foundation for going to school. Our nursery was very closely linked to our school and they used the facilities regularly.

Do you think your DS will be able to go into school himself? Bearing in mind that you may not be able to do the introductory activities at school with him. Other things like getting used to toileting independently and having a packed lunch etc can make starting school easier.

From a covid POV, mine caught everything when they started nursery - so I can see why you want to avoid that- but were only mildly snotty at school.

It is up to you, but my DC loved their their nursery and I genuinely don't think park visits can replace that.

NoWordForFluffy · 15/10/2020 17:12

@Hoppinggreen

Are there any preschools nearby? You might find one who will take him a couple of days or half days a week, there will probably be 1 or 2 with dc who he will end up st school with. It’s what I did with both of mine, they started a couple of mornings and then built it up until they did 3 days 9-3 for the term before they started school. They knew loads of other dc in their new classes and the pre school/school worked together Pre transition, despite having no official link They are usually not for profit charities so much cheaper too and only run in term time

This is exactly what we did. Both started school without any issues.

ohidoliketobe · 15/10/2020 17:18

It's not necessarily the social side of pre school which preps them for school. It's the turn taking in circle time, listening skills, hanging coats on a peg, listening to the teacher, early phonics and number work. These can all help ease the school transition. But if you're happy with these skills or can start to work on them gradually they'll be off to a good start

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2020 17:23

Is he ever left with anyone but you op? That would be my only concern over no school but even those who've been in nursery can have anxiety when they start school

NotOfThisWorld · 15/10/2020 17:26

I do think nursery is of benefit to children, especially in the year before they start school - if there was no ex issue and no covid you should definitely go for it. That said you have a lot going on so you need to weigh everything up carefully.

DS will probably find it harder when he first starts school if he hasn't been to nursery but he will also catch up.

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 15/10/2020 18:01

Thank you I appreciate everyone comments. I’m so glad there are others that have commented who also didn’t send there child too as it’s made me not feel so mad.

With learning to do things like put coats on peg a bit of independence, I’m not worried as he is pretty good with things like that. Although is the laziest eater I have ever met.

My mum has started to take him one day a week to go for a walk to and he didn’t care he was fine with it. That is a bit of a concern I think for me though, but I also think the older he is the easier it will be. So I do think I will stick with it, I was starting to think I was completely mad. It was really good to hear others who have done similar

OP posts:

BlusteryShowers · 15/10/2020 18:03

I like nurseries for my children but a twenty minute each way bus journey, when I don't even need them to go would put me off.

Do what feels right as long as it's for the right reasons and you're not letting anxiety get in the way.

NotOfThisWorld · 15/10/2020 18:09

@Buzlightyear1 has he spent much time around other kids? That would be the main thing for me, especially in a busy environment where lots of kids need to wait for attention. That said there is such a huge range of development at that age and he's not young for the year so he might well not struggle with it at all. My eldest was at a brilliant nursery since he was 2, did loads of hours but still struggled socially and emotionally when he started school. One other child in his year had hardly been to nursery and had just moved back to the UK from abroad and fit in with no issues.

Nursery makes things easier and is good for development but if you have an easy going social child they may waltz into school and have no issues at all having never been.

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 15/10/2020 18:39

He has been around lots of kids and copes very well to be honest. He used to be a screaming reck if anyone dare say hello to him. Now he the opposite, obviously it’s a bit hard right now with bigger groups. We still go to parks and things like that, like you said though with him being older in the group I think he will find it a bit easier.

He’s a good listener and I do things like loads of reading, drawing, he’s having ago a writing his name. So I don’t think he will struggle with to much to be honest

OP posts:

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