Please help as this is really pathetic

[WithYouWhenDrinkingWasNew]

Please be kind because I know how stupid this is going to stand.

Some years ago before I had my son I was sexually harassed at work by some male colleagues. I raised a complaint, ended up getting dismissed myself and it was all just horrible and awful. Since then I've happened to work in places where I only have female colleagues. I work in the voluntary sector and I've just worked for women's charities which generally only attract female staff. I've dealt with male board members and men in passing - like contractors etc - but I've not worked with men on a day to day basis for some years now.

I'm now at the point where I'm looking for another job but I'm really hampered by the fact I feel sick at the thought of working directly with men again. I've got a job interview on Thursday and the panel is one woman and two men (virtual of course). Already I want to cancel.

I don't know what to do any more. I've had extensive counselling about this, I take medication for anxiety and I don't feel any different about it.

I don't feel like this about men in general, I'm quite happy to be around men at a party or whatever. It's just in a work setting.

It's completely holding me back now and I just don't know what to do any more.

Could you desensitise yourself by doing volunteer work somewhere where you would be working alongside men? I know you work in the voluntary sector, I was thinking of more of a hobby on the side?

I did voluntary work at a food bank last year for that exact reason and it was a very male environment and I just couldn't cope

The men were all lovely and did nothing wrong at all but I felt panicky and uncomfortable the whole time

Did you have active therapy going at the same time to help you through it?

Or anything else to support you?

If you can afford it, you could look into trauma-focused EMDR. It's the NICE recommended treatment for trauma, and can also work on something like this which maybe doesn't hit the criteria for PTSD (depending on what actually happened and how you felt about it), but has similarities.

If you can afford it, you could look into trauma-focused EMDR

I've had it. From 2 different therapists. It's not worked

I honestly feel like such a failure. Feel like I've tried everything.

Did you have actual trauma therapy? Or generic counselling? Or non-trauma therapy?

You're traumatised. If you start managing it from within a trauma framework you are much more likely to effect change.

Counselling is actually not approved as a treatment for trauma because it can make it worse, so I'm really hoping you were using that as a catchall term.

Oh, ok.

You are not a failure.

Beating yourself up feeds the symptoms.

Trauma can be an evil bastard and sometimes it gets stuck.
EMDR isn't a magic solution for everyone. That is not a reflection on you.

So I will repeat, you are not a failure.

Trauma sensitive yoga? There is evidence it can soothe the disruption trauma causes to your central nervous system, which in turn helps trauma become unstuck.

I realise that doesn't help with the immediate problem. If it's a video interview, would it help to shrink the window in your screen to make them smaller and less intimidating?

And for good measure, you are not a failure. You have not failed.

is it possible to find an almost-all female environment to desensitise yourself, instead of an almost-all-male one? then slowly over time work up to a 30/70 split, then 50/50?