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Original poster

I'm jealous

52 replies

IndieRo · 13/10/2020 16:36

So jealous of my future SIL and BIL at the minute. I know it's wrong but it's eating me up. Bit of background, over the last two years they have bought a fabulous, quite expensive home and decorated it completely including, attic conversion, garage, garden etc, mortgage will be paid in 5 years, had a new baby and got engaged... The ring is huge. I'm very fond of my sil but I'm jealous. How can I overcome this. I need some perspective please.

OP posts:
giantangryrooster · 13/10/2020 19:11

My dh has periodically worked abroad. With small dc that's no walk in the park.

nimbuscloud · 13/10/2020 19:23

What does your bil do for a living?

Original poster
IndieRo · 13/10/2020 20:11

He is an Electrical Engineer

OP posts:
LulaLuna · 13/10/2020 20:31

At least you acknoweledge that you are jealous and that you do not want to be. That is a great start.
If you cant stop being jealous on your own will power it may be wise to ask/pray for jealousy to be removed from you. The universe/God can often do for us what we cannot seem to do for ourselves.
Also comparison makes a person either vain or bitter. Turn your attention to yourself and how you can help others.

Suzi888 · 13/10/2020 20:39

Confused “sil only gave back her book a couple of months ago, she was claiming as a lone parent the last 11 years, obviously she wasn't. “ what book? There haven’t been benefit books for years... what you should have done is reported them for fraudulently claiming benefits!
Stealing from the ‘public purse’ is shameful. Why are you jealous of a family of thieves? Hmm

W3dontdoduvets · 13/10/2020 20:51

You can’t buy class....sounds like your sil has none.

Original poster
IndieRo · 13/10/2020 20:59

@Suzi888 giving the book back is a saying where I live. Not the UK. Yes I did report and so did another family member but nothing was ever done. She was claiming 11 years, lone parent, medical card, rent allowance. She told us she gave the book back because BIL could claim more for her on his tax credits.

OP posts:
ssd · 13/10/2020 21:07

I wouldn't be Jealous of them. They have no morals. Be grateful you aren't them.

Suzi888 · 13/10/2020 21:11

Oh I see. Good, glad you reported her. Shame nothing was done!Angry

Hold your head high! You sound like you have a good life OP, there are many people that have much less than you and some who will have much more.

You have not acquired your possessions by defrauding the benefits system/ stealing/ ill gotten gains. There is no point dwelling on what she has etc. It’ll eat you up inside, be thankful for what you have. I know it’s easier said than done sometimes. Try and be happy and content, some people are probably very envious of you and what you have.
I certainly wouldn’t want to miss out on my family to work abroad, even if that meant more money. Life is short, focus on you and yours.

Original poster
IndieRo · 13/10/2020 21:13

@ssd True

OP posts:
Original poster
IndieRo · 13/10/2020 21:15

@Suzi888, Good insight and outlook. I couldn't have lived like them tbh. At least I know that what we have is ours and we have worked for it. I need to focus on everything me and DH have achieved ourselves.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 13/10/2020 21:16

“Im also going through the process of becoming a foster parent“ - a lovely, generous thing to do. Focus on this, you are a good person!!!!

MrsWhites · 13/10/2020 21:21

Not to cast aspersions but I’m going to hazard a guess that your BIL is up to a bit more than being an electrical engineer. I mean how much could you possibly earn in the space of a few years to pay for a house, renovations and an engagement ring?

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 13/10/2020 21:23

my husband is my best friend and we have a great relationship

I've never had a successful relationship, so I'm jealous of you. I own my own home, some people won't be able to do that, so they'll be jealous of me. Swings and roundabouts.

andannabegins · 13/10/2020 22:36

My partner used to be jealous of his mare and his wife, they were always going on holiday, had a lovely 5 bed house in a sought after area. Great life ...but they couldn't have children. They would have swapped it all to have our life with a smaller home but with happy healthy children filling it up. You never know what is going on in people's lives

andannabegins · 13/10/2020 22:36

*mate

nearertonature · 14/10/2020 11:45

myself and DH have worked for everything we have. It's very disheartening when other people get it for free

Why? Why is this disheartening? You do realise that many people work very hard and have far less than you?

If you really have been through the hardships you claim and you still have so little insight into what is important in life, that you aren't appreciating what you have to the extent that you are upset someone has more and you feel that they got it more easily than you, then all I can think of is what you really hate is the loss of status. You felt you were top of the tree in your family, now you feel usurped and you hate it.

Original poster
IndieRo · 14/10/2020 12:19

@nearertonature, you still don't get it. So it's OK to fraudulently claim benefits for 11 years? Should I be ecstatic that they have so much in such a short space of time due to them being dishonest. Should I be ecstatic that SIL has never worked and refuses to work but still has a very nice lifestyle. I don't claim to have gone through things, they happened. I bet your the type of person who thinks women that wear short skirts deserve to be raped. You have no perspective.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 14/10/2020 12:32

In 4 years he has gone from not working, being on benefits to being 5 years off paying the mortgage on a quite expensive house with loft conversion etc?

How much is he earning? How on earth did he get that job with what seems like many years out of work?

Original poster
IndieRo · 14/10/2020 12:41

He did occasional work here but was never fully qualified so couldn't get the type of job that paid the big bucks. The company he is working for now offered him a job abroad because he wasn't fully qualified. He has since become qualified. He has worked his way up and is managing jobs on sites now. He is earning a minumum of 100,000 euros a year, his accommodation and food is paid for and he gets money towards his travel. He used to come home once every 3 weeks but since the baby was born he is home a bit more often. Bear in mind during the four years he has worked abroad the home his partner lived in was being paid for with benefits and she was claiming money for their older child. They would have had very little outgoings during these 4 years. He put down a substantial deposit on the home, house was 400k and he got the mortgage himself (obviously as partner was still claiming).

OP posts:
nearertonature · 14/10/2020 12:43

Your post was not about the immorality of your SIL but about your jealousy at their material situation, despite your own rich life. You have just completely created a new narrative.

Your accusation against me there is, to be frank, completely mad and in no way connected to anything I have said.

If I am honest it seems to me that your reaction to your SILs situation is based on some deep-rooted issues of your own, that you may wish to have counselling to explore. And your irrational, disconnected attacks on me make me think that even more.

You openly asked for perspective. I gave you my take on this. I gave it bluntly, yes. You chose to present yourself in your OP as someone with a comfortable life who was jealous of someone else who as an even more comfortable life. I responded on the basis of what you chose to share.

Original poster
IndieRo · 14/10/2020 12:49

@nearertonature, OK Wink

OP posts:
emilybrontescorsett · 14/10/2020 13:39

So why didn’t you dob your bil and sil in?

Original poster
IndieRo · 14/10/2020 13:53

@emilybrontescorsett, I did report them and so did another family member but they obviously didn't investigate it. Social welfare fraud is rampant where Im from.

OP posts:
CollegeDoctor86 · 19/12/2021 04:06

imagine that ''dobbing'' in your own family members. ... lots of snakes in the long grass....

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