Should I approach school about this?

[Kobrakid]

I have one dd, she’s 7.

Last year we lost my grandad. I was very close to him and struggled a lot with this. End of August this year we lost my nanna. She was in a care home with dementia. I hadn’t seen her since March. She was also my last grandparent so this seemed to make the grief feel worse. Due to covid the funeral wasn’t what we would have liked. I carried my grandad into the crematorium but couldn’t do that for my nanna. I spent a couple of weeks really upset but I’m getting there and will be ok.

Both times I was careful with my wording to dd. She knows they have died, I made sure not to say lost. We talk about them often. She was very close to the both of them and had special names for them and things that she did just at their house. She didn’t go to either funeral. Last year she came to the wake afterwards but couldn’t this year because of number restrictions. We buried their ashes last week and she came to that. She wanted to come, and understands what a cemetery is and why we visit.

The problem is, she’s become very emotional. For a short period she slept in bed with me and her dad, she got very clingy. She gets lots of hugs and kisses. Recently I get lots of upset in a morning when I take her to school. She seems fine then bursts into tears queuing up with her class. I can’t get to her because half the playground is coned off. Does it seem stupid to approach school about this? I answer her questions as honestly as I can. Everything seems to wind back to losing my grandparents. I don’t know if I’m doing this right but I can’t keep seeing her so upset it’s killing me, I feel like the worst mum in the world.

So sorry for your losses. I would definitely mention it to them, so that they have some context if she's upset during the day but can't articulate why.

Mention it to them and keep working through it with your dd. It's normal for children to feel grief. And it's important to help them deal with it. You're not a bad mum just because your dd is upset! You are not in control of these things.

I think it’s because I don’t feel like I am dealing with it well. We talk about them and we’re going to do something special to put down on their plot. The tears just seem to come out of nowhere. I’m hoping school would be able to give at least some pointers. She just seems so anxious about things that never bothered her before. I know a lot of it is time though. Thank you

I lost my nanna a couple of years ago my last grandparent. And it hit my son hard. He also had special nickname for her. I don't know if this would help your daughter or not but we bought a book called badgers parting gifts. And it did seem to help my son. I'm sorry for your losses.

I would definitely mention to the school, a 7 year old crying every morning needs support. It’s weird at the moment not being able to speak to the teachers, so I am going on the theory that if it’s something I would have felt was important to mention to the teacher face to face I would send an email/phone in.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

From what you have written, I suggest that your dd is struggling when parting from you as somewhere in the back of her mind, she is worried she is going to lose you too.

You sound like you are doing all the right things with her.

The only thing i| would add is deliberately menioning something you will do after school, so helping her in her head to bridge that gap.

Is she emotional because she experienced the death of close relative so now aware of concept of death more clearly?
When my gran died, this happened to my dc too. He suddenly became insecure about us being there forever, started thinking what happens if we died. We had to reassure him to understand that we don't die so soon.

I would mention it to the teacher so they can keep an eye for her.

My 6yo has trouble going into school and finds it hard to separate from me. One thing that has really helped him, aside from lots of reassurance that ill be back at home time, was a cheap little wrist watch. I put it on him for school and I showed him how to tell the time with it - specifically where three o'clock was - so that he could see for himself how long it was until I came back for him.

She knows I’ll always be there for her at home time. Just been made redundant and she’s happy about me not working so I can do drop off and picks all the time. Dp And I have already agreed that I need some time off to get my head straight. She takes a teddy to school with her that sits in the car and waits for her. I plan things with her for after school but I’m finding it very hard not being able to speak to her teacher. Her teacher is lovely, she’s had her before so I know she won’t bullshit me if dd is struggling. I’ve just scheduled in the parents evening phone call so I’m hoping if I can’t manage to flag her down we can talk about this in the next week or so. Covid has just made stuff so difficult in terms of dealing with things that should be relatively easy to approach. I never seem to have much joy with the school office. Thank you everyone.

If you can't speak to her teacher, write a letter for your daughter to give her.

That’s a good idea thank you.