I'm not sure I'll make it to HT

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I have a leadership role in a school, the last few months have been tough.

At the end of last term, just as everyone else was thinking "phew made it", DH was diagnosed with Cancer. His treatment was through the holidays I worked a lot from home in the last few weeks, preparing for full reopening and I went back to work in Sept with everyone else, despite the fact that he was still very poorly, needing a lot of care and everything at home was falling to me. I never really had a break in the summer.

In hindsight, I should have taken some time off at the start of term, but I had no real reason to, at the time, I was coping remarkably well and I was needed at work.

We've just had DH latest check up, which went better than anyone could have hoped and whilst he still needs time to recover, no more treatment, check up in 6m. Fantastic.

I have completely gone to pieces. It's like everything I'd been "coping" with for the last few months has hit me in one go.

I'm at home this morning to do a Teams meeting on a big change about to hit us and I genuinely feel I don't have the strength to put my shoes on and go in later.

We hope to go away for a couple of days at HT, well needed by both of us, but ridiculously that's making me feel very stressed to, no time to catch up on the things we need to do at home or to get ahead with work for next half term.

Do I go sick, grit my teeth and get on with it, talk to someone? If it was a member of my staff I tell them to take some days, but it's just not something I do.

Take the day. You have been through hell a and now you need to decompress.

I was a school governor a few years ago, so not during the current crisis admittedly, but human decency doesn’t fly out of the window just because things are tough. I would have advised a day if it was necessary then.

Take the day. And well done your DH.

Gosh, it does sound as though you've been under a huge amount of pressure. You seem to be almost at breaking point. I think if I were you I'd cancel your half term trip - all the preparation for a holiday can be quite stressful in itself - and have a nice staycation, going for walks, days out etc when you feel like it. Ban non-essential chores for that week and stock up on ready meals so you can have a proper break.

Are you able to take a few days off this week? I know it's not what you do, but if you're at breaking point you might need to!

Glad your DH is recovering well.

Absolutely get signed off. Make an appointment for today if you can and get signed until ht. I work in school and know how hard you will have been working as slt over the last few months but to have to cope with DH's diagnosis and treatment ad well ... So pleased he has had good results. The relief must be enormous. You've dealt with the physical side but the emotional and mental load now need to be treated for both of you. And IMHO, that means taking some quality time together to just come to terms with everything. As you know, there's a tough winter coming for everyone, so my advice would be to take time now to recharge. You and your DH deserve and need it. Good luck x

Look, I’m not a teacher or anything. But I do know that it’s quite normal for big things to hit you hard once the initial crisis has passed, IYSWIM. And that sometimes, taking a day to let yourself fall to bits a little saves a lot of falling to bits later down the line.

I know that your job is not one that it’s easy to step away from but ask yourself - what will happen if I’m not there for a day? The building won’t burn down, and the sky won’t fall. So if you’d tell your staff to take a bit of time, maybe you need to lead by example a bit here and be as kind to yourself as you would be to them.

Take the day if you can. And access some counselling. I've been through a similar story and it hit me particularly hard once my DH was in remission. I was able to easily access counselling through several different charities - local cancer charities and national cancer charities specific to his type of cancer. I went with a local cancer charity who could see me immediately. I had 6 months of free counselling through them and it helped me process everything that had happened, because it had all happened so quickly and I had been holding our family together and trying to get the right care for him that I didn't process anything at the time.

You're not alone and the way you're feeling isn't unusual. Please take the time, and please get some help.

Agree with PP- check to see if you have a Maggie’s centre nearby. Drop in, open-access support including counselling, to both patients and their families going through cancer. What you describe is completely ‘normal’ for what you’ve been through - the realisation of enormity of situation once you’ve survived the initial phase, and that it’s also all ongoing (both pandemic and also future worries re his health)

OK, I think it's probably best I go to work. I just tried to explain to DH how I feel. His response? "Do you think it's the change?"

I don't know whether to laugh or scream.