Ideas to cheer up 12 year old dd

[Cantteach]

My dd (12) has coped well since March overall. She had trouble adjusting to doing all the work that school were setting in the early days but by Easter she was ok. Slowly I noticed she was messaging friends less and less as 'what's the point? No one is doing anything'. Lockdown eased and I tried to do some fun-ish things with her.

She's back at school now but her best friend has moved away and she says that none of her other friends are in her classes anymore. She has seen her friends a few evenings after school. She teary often and certainly showing some signs of depression. We're about to go into another lockdown (tier 3 I suspect) and so even this little bit of socialising will be stopped.

I would appreciate any ideas of things to do with her or if you could tell me what your dc do. She likes reading and craft stuff but is doing less of both at present.

Have you got any pets? Having a dog helps us have a reason to get out as a family. Guinea pig good for cuddles. My dd enjoys drawing anime art stuff from YouTube videos and sometimes shares her pictures with her friend. An occasional shopping trip for a few clothes/books usually helps give a boost.

Baking/ watching bake off too. Sometimes she does this via zoom with grandma/ cousins.

Mum & dd Pamper evening- face masks, nails, movie, pizza, ice cream / popcorn, wine for you, drink of choice for her.

Maybe a weekly mum & daughter pamper night- face masks, nails, foot spa?

Family film night- she chooses the film with treats?

Start making bits for Christmas? Cards, decorations, tags etc.

My SIL is letting the kids help make their garden into their own winter wonder land this year... they've started making bits & pieces already- candy canes & decs.

Cantteach we are in pretty much the same position. I can count on one hand number if times did has met up with anyone over summer holidays from high school, and she has become worse over lock down, only contact via WhatsApp at best. Really withdrawn and grizzly, barely speaks and has admitted she would prefer not to speak at all.

I took her to Manchester for a day out to go round the northern quarter, she found it ok but was so tense and anxious she just wanted to go here me after a couple of hours. Baking is a fall back, she loves painting her nails but won't let me help, list interest in reading. It's fucking shit to be honest.

Can you ask for her to be moved class to her friends?

Does she like reading, perhaps get some new reading material?

Is there tv series that she can get into?

Exercise is good for depression.

There are some great free resources on ytube.

Fitness blender has lots of options. Teenagers I know love Chloe Ting - just google her
Try and get her outside every day too. Even if it’s just rugged up reading a book.

Would she try podcasts? I don’t know if there’s any aimed at teens but it makes the same old walks all the time go better if you can find one

Movie night.

I find journaling helpful with DiddyDragon who is the same age.

Get her to watch reaction videos to Jinjer's song Pisces. Some of them, especially 2 Rocking Grannies, are hilarious.

God it's hard isn't it? Some ideas...
Watch Bake Off together and then try and make one of the challenges.
Shopping for clothes and lunch out, lots of time for chatting.
Buy a pet eg. hamster (only if you are serious obviously!)
Get her tutored in her favourite subject eg art or a language, just for fun, keeping it light. For example, by a university student.
Some kind of sport or cycling or similar. We found an outside ping pong table.
Borrow a neighbour's dog for walks.
Get her to design the Xmas card you'll send this year and get it printed for December.
Star gazing.
Any plans for Halloween? Small scale obviously. Decorate front windows?
Of course she won't want to do 90% of what you suggest but maybe one thing will be attractive?

Thank you for all your suggestions. I will probably work my way through all of them as pp pointed out 90% of what I suggest will be rejected.

We actually have a couple of family rabbits that are very anti social. DD has spent weeks trying to encourage them to be more friendly but without success. May be a hamster or similar of her own would be good.

Watching Bake off and then trying out a challenge is a good idea. She uses to want to go in junior bake off.

I have suggested exercise but she's reluctant. Podcasts are a good idea and I'll Google your suggestions rainbow

Sally I'm so sorry to hear that you're in the same situation. I'm guessing you're local-ish to me if you did Manchester as a day trip. I am struggling with the idea of more places being closed and from the sounds of things only really being able to go out for work or school. It's much better for her to be in school but I need to have other options too. I hope things improve for your dd.

Tomorrow is a new day. Will try something new. Thank you again everyone.

Oh it's so hard at that age isn't it? I have no useful suggestions but well done for being so proactive with your DD's mental health

I've got a 14 year old DD and 13 year old DS (ASD) and what DD has only just met people for first time since lockdown despite normally being very sociable. DS doesn't meet people normally. Both are quite happy but same issue with needing things to do.

DS - its mainly our pets, we have indoor rabbits, a cat and 3 silkie chickens and DS spends a lot of his day talking to them, feeding the rabbits and chickens - the rabbits sit with him on the sofa. Other than that for him its just ipad / TV and occassional baking. I've just ordered a breadmaker he asked for and he's super-excited about that.

DD- Again pets, also just got a sewing machine, has repainted her room, got new flooring she wants to lay, paid her to help paint / garden at our old house which she spends largely on clothes, she makes pizza and English breakfast from scratch, paint by numbers kits, read the odd book, audible, Netflix, Disney films and studying more things she's interested in e.g politics programmes on BBC iplayer. She runs each other morning and goes early and sees deer and squirrels.

Over summer it was rock climbing, swimming, coastal walks, gorging, alpaca walking, hotel stay, boat trips - think a lot of that will go though.

Hope you find something. Toys from when they were about 4 are always popular here too though no idea why - DD's been doing a Tigger colouring book.

My DD started to be a lot more independent around that age so wanted things could do on her own. We discuss things for couple of hours each day though.

Does your Dd have pierced ears? I bought my Dd an earring making kit from EBay, in the summer. Dd loved it and made earrings for me and all of her friends, (as well as herself), for birthdays this summer. She has carried on making earrings and other jewellery since. It was a big hit.

Maybe a bit early still but I'm starting to plan Christmas her assuming will be at home. Ordered the food and told the children and gives something to look forward to. Could make decorations, paper snowflakes, lights, don't know if the spray snow stuff still exists. Always find having something to look forward to helps.

How does she feel about joining online group e.g yoga or dance group? Redecorating her room? (it might not be in your plans though...) Doing Xmas presents for relatives, maybe a calendar with photos of her/ all of you/ local attractions ?

I’m cooking with my DD and watching cookery programs on BBC player. I’ve realised that basically any activity will do if she gets lots of attention. We’re doing online shopping, took out a few old board games, started taking about Xmas. I try to do walks regularly but short and purposeful rather than wondering around the town.

Can you make Halloween arts and crafts , to maybe put in the window for children to see?

How about Poppies, you can knot them, theres videos on youtube to show you how, People are attaching these to trees in local parks as parades have been cancelled

Then Christmas Arts and Crafts.
Look at Hobbycraft, The Works and Ebay for ideas of things to buy.
You can buy cheap wooden sleighs / reindeers etc then decorate with paint, glitter.
Washing powder for the snow underneath

But above all i would encourage talking, Make a drs appointment maybe, order leaflets online , look at websites to help with mental health together or give her the website names to look at alone.
Can you get some books about how to cope with sadness/ feeling down aimed at teenagers at the library ? Or cheap on ebay?