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Original poster

Has anyone regretted waiting for 'the right time'?

29 replies

Sparkles512 · 11/10/2020 08:09

Hi, I am 25 and DH 29, we both are really keen to start a family.
But, DH wants to wait until next year so we can have another long haul holiday!
DH loves his holidays and thinks babies will change that which they will to some extent but I just dream of taking our little family on a holiday.
I would love to start trying now and with Covid who knows if we will even get a holiday next year.
Has anyone ever regretted waiting for that right time? Or even regretting not waiting?
Thank you!

OP posts:

TeddyBeans · 11/10/2020 08:15

You're still young, another year won't hurt. If you were 35 it might be a different story. Even if you run into difficulties conceiving you'd still have plenty of time for assistance.

That said there never is a right time, babies can be taken on long haul holidays, it just requires a shift in mindset.

singtanana · 11/10/2020 08:17

I don’t regret waiting but it did take longer to get pregnant than I thought it would. It was the first big life event I couldn’t control and that was tough. I’d say that it’s more important than you and your DH agree when you both want to try and then be ready to give yourself a few years for it to happen. Then if you’re lucky and it happens quickly it’s a big brucie bonus!

happylittlechick · 11/10/2020 08:18

There's no harm in waiting another year at your age. The issue would be if you can't holiday next year because of COVID will he want to wait another year? And then will there be another excuse?

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Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/10/2020 08:20

I have been taking DS on holiday since he was 2, as a single parent, both long haul and short. You can definitely take young children on holiday, it just requires different expectations - it's not as relaxing for a start!

You are still young. I'd be more focused on where you are with your careers and finances as to whether it's the right time. But as PP said, there never really is a right time.

c24680 · 11/10/2020 08:21

I had my first child at 30, I wish we had a family sooner! Holidays abroad and all the other things you do pre kids don't seem to matter anymore.

I don't think there is ever a right time to start a family, you do both have to want it though as your first child is a massive shock to you both, completely life changing!

WinWinnieTheWay · 11/10/2020 08:22

I had my first at 25. There are lots of things that I missed out on for myself by having a family so young.

I would urge you to thing long and hard about yourself. Career ambitions, do you like where you live, would you like to relocate, travel aspirations etc.

Everything is harder with a child. A foreign holiday with small children may look idyllic from afar, but any parent will tell you that's it bloody hard work.

SnuggyBuggy · 11/10/2020 08:24

At 25 you are still young with plenty of time but be aware that some men do keep coming up with excuses not to try for a family and can string their partners along for years.

Pickypolly · 11/10/2020 08:25

We waited because we were not ready.
When we were ready, infertility and multiple miscarriages ended any “dreams” we had.
It’s such an unknown, crack on I would say.

FTMF30 · 11/10/2020 08:26

If it's just one more big holiday your DH wants, then I think that's fair. There's the saying that you're never truly on holiday when you take your kids. You're just parenting in a different country. You seem to be romanticizing the idea of a baby and the reality is different - they are HARD work and change your life completely.

That being said, I was very much of the "wait until the time is right" mindset but the thing is, the time is never right. You want one more holiday, one more experience, a promotion, a bigger house, etc. Years passed for me and I still wasn't quite ready at 29 but had a surprise pregnancy! I was in shock and panicked at not being "ready". Well the surprise is the best thing that ever happened as, if I'd waited until everything was perfect, I still might not have had a baby yet. I would like another and I'm very pleased I still have time to have one more at a reasonable age rather than being in my 40s and worrying about the health/lifestyle situation of getting pregnant would mean.

GrandAltogether · 11/10/2020 08:26

Both people need to want to do this.

AnotherEmma · 11/10/2020 08:36

"DH loves his holidays and thinks babies will change that which they will to some extent but I just dream of taking our little family on a holiday."

Hahahahaha

Sorry but I think you're in for a bit of a reality check when you have your first "holiday" with young kids. It's bloody hard work and not the same at all. Of course it can still be fun but relaxing it is not.

DH and I went on a big trip before TTC (it was more travelling than a holiday, something specific I'd wanted to do for about 10 years) and I'm so glad we did. Started TTC a few months after I turned 30, got pregnant a few months later, DC1 was born when I was 31. Since he was born we've done trips to visit family and friends and child-friendly holidays in UK and France. Earlier this year we were going to have a beach/pool holiday somewhere with a kids club so we could relax a bit more, but obviously couldn't because of covid. Now had DC2 so holidays are going to be even more of a faff until they are both a bit older!

Go on the holiday next year. You're only 25, you have plenty of time.

Bikingbear · 11/10/2020 08:37

Your both young enough that another year / 18 months won't make any difference.

Holidays aside, unless I really didn't have time on my side, I wouldn't want to get pregnant just now. Pregnancy lowers your immune system, we are facing a horrible winter. I'm fingers crossed this time next year we'll be in a much better place with vaccines etc.

fmlfmlfmlfm · 11/10/2020 08:39

Why don't you start practising starting your family on your long haul holiday?

VenusClapTrap · 11/10/2020 08:40

Have the holiday. The one thing we really missed as a result of parenthood were the lovely holidays. It’s years before they are properly relaxing again.

Eckhart · 11/10/2020 08:40

He's not ready. If you don't respect that, I think you might wish you had when the hard work comes. It's a big decision and you both need to be 100% all in, for the health of your relationship.

daisypond · 11/10/2020 08:43

You’re young. You can wait. Your DH isn’t ready. Holidays with children are completely different, really not like a holiday at all. Have the holiday first.

Kokeshi123 · 11/10/2020 08:43

We waited because we were not ready.
When we were ready, infertility and multiple miscarriages ended any “dreams” we had.
It’s such an unknown, crack on I would say

The OP's only 25! Unless she has a family history of early ovarian failure or has set her heart on having about 8 kids, I am pretty sure she can afford to wait another year.

Nyancat · 11/10/2020 08:56

Have the holiday, I really wish we'd done one more big holiday before DC, it's not the same at all once they arrive and you have plenty of time. My youngest is 5 and I'd say our next holiday I might get half an hour to relax with a book before they want me to join in with something random. On the other hand though I had my first at 31 and wish we'd started a bit earlier to have time to fit another couple of DC in, too tired to even think of it now at 40

20viona · 11/10/2020 09:01

We had our first at 29. We had been together 13 years and married for 18 months. We have been on countless long haul holidays and had just bought our 4 bed detached house so we felt like waiting was right for us. No regrets!

Pickypolly · 11/10/2020 09:01

Because infertility and mc doesn’t happen to people who are 25.

It is so unknown, with absolutely no guarantees.
Sooner rather than later.

SimonJT · 11/10/2020 09:04

Ah holidays with young children, same shit different location. Actually no, worse shit because they’re somewhere strange and out of routine.

Our first holiday was when he was 2, it was just to CP, at home he was a brilliant sleeper. At CP he was awake 3-4 times a night and extremely grumpy the next day. It was also meltdown central.

Last June we went to Disney Paris for his birthday (4), again, sleep went out the window.

Last August we went to Spain for the week with a few friends. He slept better this time, but you cannot relax for even a millisecond.

Last October Japan for the rugby world cup, wow, a four year old and a significant time difference coulf be used as an official form of torture. Him screaming on a train full of essentially silent business men was a particular highlight. As was his tantrum and general bad mood at Disney.

January Sweden for a long weekend. I picked a night flight so he could go in jammies and sleep, which he did, once we had landed he decided to stay awake (just before midnight) until 8:30am.

If you can have the holiday, you’ll never relax on holiday again!

timeforawine · 11/10/2020 09:13

No harm waiting at your age.
Re holidays, you can absolutely enjoy trips with a little one, we took our 10 month old to the US for 3 weeks, driving the west coast, we’ve also had lovely breaks in St Lucia, Grenada, Mexico plus plenty of European holidays with her. We take it in turns to play with her, she’s independent so will play on her own with us watching and she also loves kids club so we can have a couple of hours to nap/swim.
Maybe because she’s travelled a lot from young she’s great at adapting to time zone changes etc and is easy on the plane.
After this year though I would try and get a holiday next year just the 2 of you to really chill out, if by the middle of next year travel is still like it is now and you can’t go maybe then raise the topic again.

timeforawine · 11/10/2020 09:17

You will relax on holiday with kids, we always do. Kids club is great for them and you, take turns so you can each have some peace.
Remember kids are not the same, some will struggle with travel, some adapt brilliantly.
Personally we always try and do at least half board, ideally all inclusive as it takes all thought out of where to eat.
Self catering is a big no for us as it’s like being at home but usually with not as good pots and pans etc

AnotherEmma · 11/10/2020 09:26

As you say, it depends on the child. Some are good sleepers, will be fine with travelling and time differences, and will eat whatever. Some children are terrible sleepers, will hate the travelling and have food allergies that make eating out an absolute nightmare.

Autumngoldleaf · 11/10/2020 09:36

Oh gosh in this situation I'd definitely delay and go on a long haul holiday! I had friends who did world trips before marriage and dc.. Best thing they ever did there is no way they can afford that now!!

It also gives you life experience to pass down to dc.. You mentally, emotionally grow when travelling.... Go for it!
You have more than enough time!!

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