Iv had enough of ds11

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

Honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at breaking point with my son.

He’s just turned 11 and his attitude/temper/moods are awful. He speaks to me and his step dad like crap, he always has to have the last word and he constantly thinks we all hate him if we tell him off. He never ever admits when he’s wrong,and if he’s rude like rolling his eyes or mocking me and I call him out on it he will say I’m lying, even if the whole family see him do it!

He’s so moody all the time, from the minute he gets up! If he doesn’t get his own way he constantly does this whiney voice.

He’s like Jekyll and Hyde where he can be totally “normal” and speak in a proper voice and next minute he’s moody and whiney!!

It’s so exhausting. I really don’t enjoy his company atm 😔

I took his phone off him yesterday.

My youngest who is 4 was playing ip before bed and shouting/crying. He was in his room like normal and he rams open the door and has ago still us because he’s trying to watch a program and Hattie is being too loud.

He sounds exactly like my 12 year old ds. It's hellish isn't it?

It really is and I can’t see him outgrowing it because he’s always been like it! He has such a victim mentality

I wonder what is going on with his school / online life. At that age you can be thrust into seeing a lot of stuff that you're not ready for and it's a scary time, lots of confusing thoughts, changes, scary world etc etc.
It's there any chance some quality one to one with him to ground him in the reassuring love it his parents and show him some things don't change, might give him what he needs to find the liner side of himself?
Keep the lines of communication open as much as you can. Activities done side by side are great at this age. Bike rides, baking, play station, football anything that he likes and adds something positive. Guarantee he isn't enjoying this either.

Kinder side. Don't you just love autocorrect sometimes. 😬

In my ds case, he has a nice family, nice home, popular at school, does well academically, sporty...I'm not sure something always has to be going on to make them like this...it might just be hormones. My ds was absolutely vile to me last week because I asked him if he wanted breakfast...I do other unreasonable things like expect him to go to bed before 10pm and put his dirty laundry in the basket. I understand the victim mentality you talk about, my ds always looks really hard done by. You should have seen him on holiday, you'd have thought we'd had taken him to a north korean prison camp rather than a lovely holiday. The thing is when he's not full of attitude, he's absolutely lovely and great company. I'm hoping this stage doesn't last too long!

This is my almost 12 Yr old son too. Its their testosterone levels rising. Although in fairness he's always been a bit like this. I think puberty use amplifies it.

We just calmly call him out on his behaviour and he knows we'll stick to consequences. I also try to give him time to reflect/ calm down from moods. Usually after half an hour he'll come back and apologise.

Its our second ds so we've been though it even though his dB wasn't quite as hard work. He went through early puberty triggered by an auto immune disease and was very ill. Kind of overshadowed the more difficult behaviour!!

My oldest DS is 12 and I always find myself finding any changes in him difficult to figure out because he is the oldest and I don’t know if it’s a standard phase or if he has something else going on. By the time my other 3 DS get to the same phase, I’ve seen it before and can be much more blasé in my handling of it but poor oldest DS is under a constant system of trial and error!
Something I discovered quite recently and which seems to be working quite well (for the time being) is telling him that he is perfectly entitled to occasionally think in his head that me or DH are being annoying bastards but to try and maintain some respect when speaking directly to us. When I first made this suggestion he found it quite funny and I hope it has eased his teenage brain struggles between wanting nothing to do with us one minute and then in the next minute needing to hug all evening on the sofa!
I do recognise what you say about feeling hard done by and it drives me mad too. I have previously tried at length to explain why that is nowhere near the case but since it didn’t seem to do anything other than result in a long drawn out argument, I now just refer to the fact that I’ve previously explained why he is not hard done by and I’m not going to go over it all again. For my DS this seems to work as he doesn’t usually have any comeback to that and it actually finishes the episode very quickly. I then do my best to return to neutral and not hold any grudges for previous meant behaviour in the day.
I’m no expert by the way and I know I have many future teenage years to navigate but just thought I’d share what I’ve so far found to work a bit!

Totally agree hormones are powerful things and could be the entire explanation. Personally I'm peri-menopausal and currently have new moods that were never part of my emotional landscape before so there is no doubt about that in my mind. Only suggesting a bit of love bombing because we all know when we're being shitty to our family and it makes your self esteem take a dive which makes it worse and it's a vicious cycle. So a bit of trying to be with him and give him doses of love might allow you to find out if there are worries on his mind or even just reassure him. Being loved when you least deserve it is a powerful thing.