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Adopting or getting parental rights? Step children.

7 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 09/10/2020 16:49

Me and Dh have been together 7 years. My Dc haven’t seen their dad in 3. He pays nothing and wants nothing to do with them. They are 13 and 11 and have decided they don’t want to see him. He was very abusive and they saw it all.

My dh wants to have parental rights because if something happened to me I would feel sick that xh would have a say in the Dc.

What’s the best way of doing this? Xh is happy to sign anything that means he doesn’t haven’t to be a dad.

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 09/10/2020 16:58

Wouldn’t the best thing be to see a solicitor and arrange a formal adoption?

SimonJT · 09/10/2020 17:18

What do the children think?

Adoption is very traumatic, they don’t just lose a parent, but every family member on that side.

PR is easier to get and it doesn’t come with the trauma of losing family.

AldiAisleofCrap · 09/10/2020 17:23

Adoption is very traumatic, they don’t just lose a parent, but every family member on that side.
With an in care adoption yes that’s completely different from step parent adoption.
No solicitor is necessary for step parent adoption you just apply re your local social services department. You can have step parent pr without adoption.
At the ages of your children it should be their choice. If you go ahead the social worker will speak to them alone. Your dh will follow the same process as he would adopting a child in the care system.

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 09/10/2020 17:54

I wouldn’t even think about adoption if they had any relationship with his family members but they haven’t seen them for even longer and that’s not through trying. Every year I message his sister on fb to pass my number on and most of the times it’s read and ignored. His mum rang me years ago and I offered to bring the Dc to her or for them to come here and they never accepted.

OP posts:
Champagneforeveryone · 09/10/2020 18:44

DH adopted DS is similar circumstances when he was aged 7.

For us it seemed so much easier and drew a line under everything prior to that. As XP happily signed DS over (rather than pay maintenance) it was very straightforward, though more lengthy than I had imagined.

wwud12 · 09/10/2020 18:51

From my experience, it's incredibly difficult. My ex husband has never paid a penny and current CSA arrears stand at £22k. I've been with my partner 9 years, my daughter is 12. We first discussed this with both my daughter and then her dad 3 years ago and she was over the moon.
Ex on the other hand totally flipped his lid. Completely happy not to have a single hour with his daughter, but not happy to have another man take parental responsibility, meaning his financial responsibility would also be cut. He was having none of it. She is HIS daughter, regardless whether he sees her or not, and that was that.

After a lengthy discussion with my daughter it was decided that we would leave it. At 16, she will change her surname to mine. I've seen a solicitor to ensure that my preference is, in the event of anything awful, my daughter goes into the care of my mum. Not my partner, so that there can be no arguments or bitterness from my ex. This is only my preference though, and if he really wanted to take my mum to court then he could, but I was advised the child's decision would be taken into account, of which I know what that would be.

Good luck op, it's a lengthy process.

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 09/10/2020 19:08

Thank you, he is the one wanting me to do it so fingers crossed he doesn’t back down!

OP posts:
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