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I don't think I can do this any more. I'm breaking

28 replies

YellowWave · 08/10/2020 19:54

I wasn't happy in my job for some time. I've been looking for work for a few months now - factory, shop, hotel work but I'm having no luck.

I work as a nanny for a family. I loved it when I started many years ago. I loved it so much. Things changed so much over the past few years. Like for example the parents placed far too much emphasis on their social lifes. There were days where I was starting in the morning and the parents just won't be home and it would be 9 or 10 or 11 at night. They placed social nights out ahead of coming home to me. I should have walked after the first time it happened but I didn't. I kept thinking of the positives about the job. It was close to home and a regular wage coming in. There were aspects that I still liked and enjoyed but then on the other hand there were aspects that I didn't like that were nearly increasing with time.

Ever since the mother turned 40, she turned into a different thing altogether. It's just the way she's barking at me around the house. Her short fuse and attitude. Today, I'm highly vigilant about covid. I went in this morning and the first job I did was opening some windows for ventilation. I have one child at home from school recovering from a hospital procedure but she's able to move about. The mother went about the house closing the windows again after me. I opened a window then every time I went into a new room. A while later she wanted to talk to me about something and she called me into the dining room where she was and I maintained the social distancing and kept space. I also opened a window for ventilation because it was warm and stuffy. Just in case any one of us have the virus and are infectious but we don't know it yet. Does that make sense? She barked at me that she doesn't have the virus. It wasn't the first time she barked at me and made me feel small. There were some incidents during the summer when she wanted her house to be spic and span for her lunch and dinner dates. I was nearly reduced to tears in a back room because of her mood and marching about the place huffing.

She can't be 100% certain she doesn't have the virus. She travelled out from the country last week and flew back home again. There would have been some risk there.

The parents were working from home today and came in and out from the kitchen preparing lunches. When they were ready, they never tidied up after themselves. They piled up dirty dishes upon the counter tops (3 counter tops full of their dirty dishes). It was almost as if they left them there expecting me to pick up after themselves. I usually like helping with jobs around the house when I get a free patch of time. It was almost as if they were expecting me to pick up after them.

There are other times when the mother is barking at me when I don't have enough laundry done. I could get a wash or 2 one but sometimes it's not enough for her. I do what I can when I can.

I was taken on for childminding and it's not easy at times. There's 2 children with additional needs and 1 teenager.

The mother's moods are incredible. I was nearly reduced to tears this evening. I was half an hour late this morning. I was genuinely late. I had a very genuine reason for being late. I said I was sorry for being late and I started my day. I did 10 hours work today with her family and home. When they decided to let me go she took me into her working room where she barked and barked at me again for being late.

They family have a new dog now too and they want me to mind the dog on top of everything else.

I'm hating her mood and her attitude and the risk of virus she's putting onto my back and then the extortion of work - trying to get as much out from me as possible.

She's has a similar attitude with her husband too. He's getting some bullshit from her too.

I can't do this anymore. I've been looking for work for a few months with no luck. Naturally I want to get out from nannying and childcare after this stint.

OP posts:
YellowWave · 08/10/2020 19:55

Has anyone ever walked out from a job before? I'm thinking about not going back.

OP posts:
MargeProopsSpecs · 08/10/2020 20:00

I have no experience op but bloody hell I couldn't
cope with what you're having to put up with.
If you can afford to leave I would in a heartbeat. The mental
pressure alone is too much.

ShutTheFuckUp123 · 08/10/2020 20:59

I was a nanny for nearly 25years. My jobs never included housework, washing clothes or shopping(that's what an Aupair does) you sound like a general dogs body, because if you do something once it becomes expected of you to keep doing it.. I worked for a family with 2 children, 5 month baby and 12yr old, lovely children but the mum made it pretty obvious she hated my guts and would phone constantly demanding I do stuff not in my job description, I always said no. Thankfully I didn't live with them and eventually after a really shitty day of constant complaints from her I'd had enough. When she came home from her job I told her I was finishing there and then and I didn't serve my notice. Do NOT stay in a job where your boss doesn't respect you. Over the years I've had some brilliant nanny jobs and 2 that were awful. Personally if you can afford to leave asap I would, it's not worth your mental health staying in a job where there is no respect toward you and it sounds really miserable. Also don't worry about the children as they are the parents responsibility not yours. Good luck for the future.

Parsley1234 · 08/10/2020 21:04

Sounds like she’s got a coke habit

JustAddCoffee91 · 08/10/2020 21:08

I've never been in your situation OP but ohh my this sounds horrible!
Nobody should be treated this poorly I'd get out ASAP this is too much negative energy and this will affect your mental health and your probably taking this stress home with you to your own family (unwillingly I must add)
Yes it is money and you need money to survive but your health is worth so much more

ShutTheFuckUp123 · 08/10/2020 21:08

During lockdown my husband was working from home for a huge company, apart from doing his own job, he was given the task of "sorting out all the stuff for Covid" he asked what that would entail and was told to work it out himself ! He had at least 15 meetings a day just dealing with all the extra stuff plus his job. I watched my very calm and laidback husband turn into a wreck because his bosses piled all the stress onto him. I thought he would have a heart attack he looked so ill. Eventually I had a talk with him and convinced him to hand his notice in and take early retirement. He finished 2 weeks ago and already looks happier.

YellowWave · 08/10/2020 21:17

I feel so sick tonight after my day. My head is going to explode and I'm dreading tomorrow. Its just a mixture of bark, grump and huff from the mother I work for. I hate it.

OP posts:
user1471462428 · 08/10/2020 21:39

I don’t know why she’s being awful nannies are like gold dust where I live and often jump ships. They certainly don’t do housework!! My friend who is a nanny watches tv and eats when her charges are asleep as the parents have told her to rest.

YellowWave · 08/10/2020 21:46

My contract stipulated childminding and light housework and for a long time I was always happy to help but more and more was placed on my back. More hours and more chores. Not mire pay though. I always kept positive but its hitting me now. The mother's moods are crazy and coupled with a covid risk and dog duties, I can't do it any more. I feel so so so sick tonight. My back and my tummy is so sore and I think it's stress.

OP posts:
YellowWave · 08/10/2020 21:49

I'm going to go. I will see how I am over night. If I'm unwell in the morning, I will take a sick day. If I don't take a sick day and I go to work, if she's in more mood tomorrow, I'm not going in again. I'm not even going to tell them. I'm just not going to go in again. They can find someone else

OP posts:
BletheringHeights · 08/10/2020 21:57

Like others said, nannies are often like gold dust and treated with great respect so don’t write a career off because of this one nutter.

Are you from the UK OP? I have come across nannies from other countries being quite badly treated in the UK before, it can be quite common.

Tryalittletenderness · 08/10/2020 22:15

Don’t go back x

MoreCookiesPlease · 08/10/2020 22:24

The woman sounds like a nightmare to work for. I wouldn't tolerate her barking at you, that's so rude and unprofessional. I'm not surprised you're miserable. However, I wouldn't just not turn up ever again to the job. You have to end things professionally, give your notice and explain you want to leave. Remember you may need a reference from them too...

MikeUniformMike · 08/10/2020 22:31

If you really hate a job, walk out. It is not worth staying in a job that's making you ill.
I've done it, and I've not done it. The one I regretted is not leaving.

If you are a good nanny, which it sounds as if you are, you will be snapped up by another family.

It sounds like they are treating you as a nanny, maid and dogsitter.

Branches1 · 08/10/2020 22:33

I think that in many cases both nanny and family get tired of each other after a few years. Everything is always great in the beginning but there is something about sharing a household that seems to turn the relationship sour after a while. Not always, but I see this with many of my friends. We no longer need a nanny and it's been a few years since we had one, but I too noticed how sometimes things started to go wrong after a while.

I am not suggesting that this is the case for you, OP, but from a parent perspective I have noticed how people often feel that as the years go by, the nanny grows increasingly annoyed, and in some cases even resentful, with the family. Parents may feel that nothing about the job has changed, but the truth is that as the kids grow older and go to school, the nanny is left with up to 6 paid hours per day with no children to look after (we didn't have an arrangement like this but I have two friends who do, and some others where the nanny has around three hours like this in a day). Many feel that it is natural to ask for the nanny to use this time to do other things. They might ask for the children's rooms to be tidied, children's beds changed, and perhaps also the odd non-child related errand thrown in. Perhaps they will ask the nanny to do some meal prep too, and while she is at it, why not make some extra food for the parents too? And gradually the nanny position has changed a lot, and this then makes the nanny feel disrespected, and she leaves.

I don't know if this is the case for you OP but I wonder if perhaps the conditions of the jib have changed so much that you are no longer a good fit for each other?

PeppaChic · 08/10/2020 22:38

You sound like you’d be snapped up by someone else who would treat you well. You’d be in a much better position in a new job to put boundaries in place and to make sure you are being paid properly and treated professionally. You should have a full contract and pension etc (hopefully you already do), this is supposed to be a professional set up and you should not be being exploited or mistreated.

Fossie · 08/10/2020 23:00

I wouldn’t walk away without saying anything. Part of succeeding in any job is communicating well when things go wrong. Ask to speak to the mother when/if you in tomorrow. Let her know that they way she speaks to you is upsetting and unprofessional. Explain what you WOULD like from her/the job. It isn’t about whether this will make a difference to your job or even if you want to stay it is about approaching this situation as you should. It gives you the dignity you deserve.

jessstan1 · 08/10/2020 23:21

Your employers don't want a nanny, they want a servant or, preferably, a team of servants.

You're experienced now, go to an agency and try to find another nannying job. My neighbour's daughter was a nanny and had wonderful, considerate employers, you can have the same.

YellowWave · 09/10/2020 06:34


I read your post and see where you're coming. I was always happy to help with jobs and chores around the house. You described the part of the job perfectly. I love when the kids are in school because I can get everything done.

Theres a problem during school holidays. It's just not possible to do the load that is be requested of me. I always thought on the positive side for a few years but I don't know if I can keep it up. A lot of the time it doesn't matter what I do, it's never good enough for the woman.

There's a dirty bad attitude coming from the mother lately and getting impossible to work for her now. Like a few weeks ago she came home at about 7pm. I was sitting down with one of her children to help with homework. The mother came in and started mouthing on and ranting because of the homework not being done. Yet it was her - the mother - who scheduled in after school activities for the child to attend to. She wasn't at home to sit down and do the homework. The woman is expecting me to be some sort of a miracle worker.

There was an incident during the summer where the mother had a lunch date planned with some friends coming over. She was powered up for the afternoon and had an attitude of 'all hands on deck'. She was marching about the house all afternoon and shouting my name and orders from one room to the other. I trying to mind her children. 2 of them has additional needs and one of these conditions is autism. It's not easy. I must admit it can't be easy for the parents either and I was always happy to help with jobs. The woman has a disgusting snappy attitude. I remember anyways in the summer - one of the children saw that the mother was in a mood and she piped up - 'is there anything I can do to help'. Honestly, she was trying to difffuse the mother's mood. That's all. The mother snapped back at her - 'you know disturbing me or interrupting me when I'm busy does help me. If you see something that needs to be done, just do it'.

My god, she didn't have to answer her child back like that. The child walked away from her mother with her eyes filling with tears. I would have been able to cut the tension with a knife that day.

I have one of the children home from school, another child comes back at 4, and the teenager comes back for about 4 or 5. I have enough on my plate as it is and they now want to dump dog duties onto me too.

It's pure extortion, trying to get as much out from me and that's all it is.

I'm so so so so so sick of it all.

OP posts:
roseyroserose · 09/10/2020 06:48

Take a sick day. Let her look after her kids and do all the chores and see how hard it is.
Relax at home and get your mental and physical strength back up. You sound like you are at breaking point which is not good for you or the children.
Stay strong and look after yourself xxx

TheVanguardSix · 09/10/2020 06:49

Walk away. It's intolerable. Secure yourself another job. If I were you, maybe in the short-term, I'd do after school nannying only for a few hours or something more reduced in comparison to what you're currently doing. You need some downtime, while still earning, to recover from this awful experience. The mother sounds unstable but that's not for you to sort out.
Your priority is you, yourself, OP. There's only one of you. And if you break, who suffers? You and your child (children). This dreadful employer can replace you and treat the next one terribly. But your family cannot replace you. Flowers

thelegohooverer · 09/10/2020 07:27

Take a sick day and use it to get your job application in order and apply to some agencies.


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user1471538283 · 09/10/2020 07:51

The mother doesn't value what you do and in turn doesn't value her children. I would resign and I'm sure you would get another job. Make sure it doesn't say light housework. Light housework to me is cleaning up after your lunch or tidying the children's toys away. To her it means cleaning and looking after animals.

Jjimdak · 09/10/2020 08:09

When do you get paid? Go after pay day!!

Spend your sick day contacting agencies etc.

Collision · 09/10/2020 08:15

Does she pay you a decent wage?

I’m a nanny and would not put up with that.

Ask the Dad to pay you and then leave.

Just can find emergency work with an agency with the experience you have.

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