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Help me find a funeral poem / reading for my mum

60 replies

Crunchymum · 08/10/2020 19:44

Non religious, doesn't have to be funeral or death related per se.

I know its very personal but I've spent the whole day looking and have drawn a blank.

OP posts:
Laska2Meryls · 08/10/2020 20:12

This was the poem we chose for my Mum's reading. We felt that it summed her up so well. Dear Mum.. So much missing her still. Joan left us 2 years ago .. It would have been her 95th birthday next week

Temporary and Permanent by Nikita Gill

Most people in your life
Were only meant
For dreams,
And summer laughter.

They stay till the wind change
The tides turn,
Or disappear
With the first snow.

And there are some
That were forged
To weather blizzards
And pain with you

They were cast in iron,
Set in gold
And never ever leave you
To face anything alone

Know who those people are
And love them the way they deserve
Not everyone in your life is temporary
A few are as permanent as love is old.

RefuseTheLies · 08/10/2020 20:12

From Daylight Atheism by Adam Lee

"Compared to the great vastness of the cosmos, the ocean of deep time, my individual existence is a blip, a bubble in the foam on the surface of a flowing river. I am a momentary arrangement of atoms and molecules – an arrangement that lives and moves, to be sure, an arrangement that thinks, laughs, appreciates beauty, dreams, and loves – but a mere arrangement nonetheless, a transient state, an ephemeral gathering.

Soon the blip will go out, the bubble will pop, the arrangement will dissolve, molecular bonds released by entropy. My consciousness will cease. But the molecules that once were me will still exist. The atoms that made up my body – iron, carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, all the heavy elements forged in the crucibles of dying stars – will remain. Liberated from their temporary home, they will rejoin the rest of the planet, taking new shapes, finding new arrangements, becoming part of other life. I will become merged with everything.

I will become part of the trees that grow wherever my ashes are scattered, joining the ecosystem of the forest. I will be in the slow green heartwood of the trunks as they patiently tick off the centuries, in the buds that burst forth in spring and in the leaves that explode with color in autumn. I will be the sparkle of sunlight on the surface of a flowing mountain stream. I will sink into the earth and mix with the groundwater, eventually flowing back and rejoining the ocean where all life on this planet ultimately began. I will be in the waves that crash on the shore, in the warm sheltered tidal pools, in the coral reefs that bloom with life, and in the depths that echo with whale songs. I will be subducted into the planet’s core and join the three-hundred-million-year cycle of the continental plates. I will rise into the sky and, in the fullness of time, become dispersed throughout the atmosphere, until every breath will contain part of me.

And billions of years from now, when our sun swells and blasts the Earth’s atmosphere away, I will be there, streaming into space to rejoin the stars that gave my atoms birth. And perhaps some day, billions of years yet beyond that, on some distant planet beneath bright alien skies, an atom that once was part of me will take part in a series of chemical reactions that may ultimately lead to new life – life that will in time leave the sea that gave it birth, crawl up onto the beach, and look up into the cosmos and wonder where it came from.

And the cycle will begin again."

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 08/10/2020 20:14

@MuchTooTired that's lovely.

@Crunchymum she sounds like the best mum. Still looking and thinking, will let you know if I come up with anything.

Laska2Meryls · 08/10/2020 20:14

So very sorry for your loss Crunchymum. She will always be in your heart..

Myhoodieslongerthanyours · 08/10/2020 20:15

I chose Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night for my Dad as he was a force of nature. He had cancer treatment for over 16 years including stage 4 palliative care for 5 years. We used to joke that death showed up weekly to collect him but was too scared to set foot in the house Smile

Mydogmylife · 08/10/2020 20:16

Who will be reading the poem? My dad read stop all the clocks wh Auden for my mum . It's beautiful

MahMahMahMahCorona · 08/10/2020 20:16

There's one called The Dash by Linda Ellis:

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning... to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars... the house... the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard; are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.

To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile... remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read, with your life's actions to rehash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you lived your dash?

HazeyJaneII · 08/10/2020 20:17

My mum died in June (I've spoken to you on another thread - I was Bupkis)

The poem that I've thought about for the time when we'll be able to take her ashes to their resting place is -

Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven by WB Yeats

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

My mum was an artist and used this poem in some of her paintings...I love the magic of it (and a lot of Yeats poetry)

Hope you're doing ok. Flowers

bertdynamite · 08/10/2020 20:18

So sorry for your loss.
If I should Go by Joyce Grenfell is quite short, but I like the ending especially:
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 08/10/2020 20:19

Are there any children's books you remember her reading to you? Or to DGC? Could you read one of them perhaps?

Chickoletta · 08/10/2020 20:19

This is one of my favourite poems. Not very well known but a lovely secular poem about death. It’s by Rabindranath Tagore.

The Gardener : Peace My Heart

Peace, my heart, let the time for
the parting be sweet.
Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain
into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end
in the folding of the wings over the
nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be
gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, 0 Beautiful End, for a
moment, and say your last words in
silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp
to light you on your way.

dementedma · 08/10/2020 20:21

@refusethelies - I just love that. Will have that at mine.
I also love this and a friend read it at his mother’s funeral. I find it very comforting...
www.funeralguide.co.uk/help-resources/arranging-a-funeral/planning-the-service/funeral-poems/i-am-standing-upon-the-seashore

Panicmode1 · 08/10/2020 20:22

I'm so very sorry for your loss. This is one of my all time favourites - we are a maritime (naval) family, so it is apt, but I have put it in cards for several non maritime friends and they have loved it too.

"What is dying?
I am standing on the seashore.
A ship sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object and I stand watching her
Till at last she fades from the horizon,
And someone at my side says, “She is gone!” Gone where?
Gone from my sight, that is all;
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her,
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her;
And just at the moment when someone at my side says, “She is gone”,
There are others who are watching her coming,
And other voices take up a glad shout,
“There she comes” – and that is dying.”
― Charles Henry Brent, What is Dying?

StoneFacedCrone · 08/10/2020 20:24

I'm sorry about your mum.

This speaks to me, and I've used it a very close loved one's funeral.

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died.

You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you.

And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around.

According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. — Aaron Freeman “You Want A Physicist To Speak at your Funeral”

HazeyJaneII · 08/10/2020 20:27

Another very short, but beautiful poem, used by BB in the preface of his books, after he read it on an old Cumbrian gravestone...

The wonder of the world
The beauty and the power
The shapes of things,
Their colours, light and shades
These I saw,
Look ye also while life lasts.

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 08/10/2020 20:29

The last chapter of The House at Pooh Corner?

Roselilly36 · 08/10/2020 20:34

So sorry for your loss OP Flowers

I don’t know what it’s called, but at my loved ones funerals, we had the reading john 14:2 my house has many rooms, and I have gone to prepare one for you, we aren’t a particularly religious family but the words are very comforting.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 08/10/2020 20:38

Oh Crunchy Sad.

For non-religious folk I like the famous passage from The Canterville Ghost by Oscar Wilde - Death must be so beautiful. It is quite comforting in the circumstances.

AllBellyandBoobs · 08/10/2020 20:43

Sorry for your loss. We read On Joy and Sorrow by Khalil Gibran, I particularly liked the following: 'When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.'

I also like the sentiment behind “For My Daughter in Reply to a Question”
David Ignatow

We’re not going to die.
We’ll find a way.
We’ll breathe deeply
and eat carefully.
We’ll think always on life.
There’ll be no fading for you or for me.
We’ll be the first
and we’ll not laugh at ourselves ever
and your children will be my grandchildren.
Nothing will have changed
except by addition.
There’ll never be another as you
and never another as I.
No one ever will confuse you
nor confuse me with another.
We will not be forgotten and passed over
and buried under the births and deaths to come

ilovebagpuss · 08/10/2020 20:45

@Crunchymum I’m so sorry for your loss I lost my mum 2 years ago and we had this poem. Hope it attaches. We found a copy in her notebook which helped us choose.
It’s called Afterglow.

Help me find a funeral poem / reading for my mum
Mydogsnotfat · 08/10/2020 20:45

Afterglow by Helen Lowrie Marshall or perhaps Feel no guilt in laughter.

Purplekitchen · 08/10/2020 20:46

I like Farewell my Friends by Rabindranath Tagore.

00Sassy · 08/10/2020 20:47

I’m going to second ‘The Dash’ Flowers

ifiwasascent · 08/10/2020 20:48

I have nothing helpful to say other than I'm so sorry for your loss xx

ParoxetineQueen · 08/10/2020 20:57

Sorry for your loss. I’m in much the same position , I liked this one but was outvoted as it didn’t sound much like my Mum, we’ve chosen the Afterglow as it echoed her sentiments at the end of her life
www.stillnessspeaks.com/thich-nhat-hanh-leaf/