When did you recognise the point at which you HAD to leave your job?

[StillMedusa]

I think I'm there, but in the current climate am worried I'll never find another.
I've been a Special Needs TA for 15 years. From life limted children with young adults with profoundly challenging behaviour. I've always done a pretty decent job at it too, and unfortuately this has meant I have ended up with the 'difficult' classes most years.
This no different, but now at nearly 53 I can't shrug off the bites, the kicks the bruises so easily.. physically or mentally. Today after being smeared with poo I realised I just wanted to walk away and cry. Maybe if I asked to change class it would be a little better, but maybe not.
But after all these years my old degree is worthless, I have no skills except in Special Needs/care and I just don't want to do that any more.
Do I just go? Hope that I can find something else? WHAT else can I do? I've always been reasonably pragmatic and upbeat but now I dread every day at work.

Take sick leave and after 4 weeks review how differently you feel. That will tell you all you need to know.

The lightbulb moment when I realised I was in fact being managed out. Their loss - I was really, really good at what I did.

Exactly this, I swear they didn't think I'd find anything else when I told them I was leaving (not only did I find something better but it pays more too!)

I'm in a similar place to you OP. I wrote a post in this forum before seeing yours.

I'm thinking about taking up smoking again to develop a cough to get 2 weeks off.

I'm a non smoker for 2 years now. I went from smoking to vaping to nicotine free and no vape in 2 years and amazingly I am managing on no vape. I think I'm just too busy and too tired to vape. I'm thinking about taking up smoking to develop a cough to pass it off as a viral cough.

Aerospace factory job..new contract for an aerospace giant..except our factory were cutting corners and we as a team were totally unsupported and I just couldnt face doing the same part year after year..oh and the toxic environment we worked in.
I work in the nhs now, doing something very menial but for more money and less hours

In my last job I knew on the first day. Once I realised how strict and how closely I would be micromanaged, I knew I would hate it. I stuck if out for a year though until I found another, which was way too long.

The day I spotted a significant error and was told “It is not your job to use your brain for this.”

OP have you looked into admin for SN charities or schools? You bring the skills and experience but are away from the actual work.

DD went to a mainstream school who had also SN classes and I always wondered how much the teachers and TAs put into their job and what it costs them mentally,

Oh you poor thing that sounds like a really difficult job. I agree with taking sick leave if you can. I wonder if you could transition into being a nanny with your skills and experience?

When I considered driving my car into a wall on the way to work to hopefully break my leg and get a few weeks off work.

When I needed alcohol just to get through the day.

When I used to burst into tears when I pulled onto the driveway every evening, just crying at the sheer relief of being at home again.

I was expected to give a member of my team a warning about attendance after he missed a day of work due to his wife being in hospital for medical management after a pregnancy loss. She was undergoing the procedure on the day in question and he was looking after their other children.

Management knew this was the reason he was off.

According to them, this is actually not a good enough reason to miss a day of work. I was told (by someone very senior, who is apparently an actual human being) that "other men's wives have lost babies and they still came to work".

Yeah. Fuck that. Notice in the next day.

(There were an absolute cascade of other reasons but this is the one that flipped the switch, as it were)

Thank you for the comments and suggestions. I used to love the job; the children are always interesting and sometimes just incredible, but I think I have simply burnt out from the mental effort needed to remain endlessly upbeat and I'm just tired of being damaged... when you twitch and startle every time another person comes near (because you've been hit/hairpulled etc so many times) it's time to go.

There are a few things that interest me.. NHS call handler jobs for one... I'm calm in the face of chaos/panic so that might be a good fit, however our nearest base is a 45m drive away.. which is a bit far taking into account my son, (and dog!)

I'd also be perfectly happy to work in a little cafe tbh.. happy to clean, whatever.. I just want to leave working directly with children and special needs... I'm going to give myself til half term to talk to the head and also start job hunting. DH has said we can manage if I just quit (short term anyway) but I'd rather not place the whole burden of earning on him!

Mine was when I had to pull over the car on the way to work and be physically sick. I felt queasy all the time.

I had a job in the same general field as you, op.

However I worked with the whole family, and found it completely numbed me, I was emotionally burnt out. I had no empathy or compassion left and I knew it was time to go.

Luckily after a tense couple of weeks I was able to change my role to be phone support and the difference is night and day. I have the distance I need to be able to do my job again and be effective and I don't feel like a zombie with my own children.
I don't know how long this situation will last as some of the current role is covid driven, but I am so much happier.

When I thought about driving my car, at speed, into a wall whilst sobbing the whole way home so I wouldn't have to go back. I also hadn't eaten for 4 days because i felt sick all the time.

I resigned with immediate effect the next day and luckily got a temp admin job 3 days later which kept us going.

It was difficult for me because only 3 months before we had agreed that DP could retrain on less than a quarter of his previous salary so we wouldn't have had enough to cover bills if I hadn't have found something else.

But no job is worth your mental health. Ever.

I've previously worked as a TA in a mainstream school. I hated it so much I used to drive there praying for someone to crash into me. Some of the staff were just awful me.
If you've reached the point of feeling miserable and dreading every day then it's definitely time to make plans to move on.

bless you op.

For me it was the same as previously posted, wishing I would get crashed into, crying in the toilets, crying when I was setting my alarm for the next morning.

Your job sounds very very hard. In your position I would apply for hospital housekeeping work, or similar x

I had similar car crash/injury wishes as pp when I'd reached my limits in a role where I was chronically undervalued and it ate away at my self esteem. In my current role I knew before I'd started, had second thoughts before the interview, a funny feeling afterwards and immediately felt uneasy rather than happy when the offer came in. Ignored them and year later I'm still stuck here. Trust your gut OP.

I started being deliberately careless with my safety because anything was better than going in.

I knew I had to quit when I used to hope a bus would knock me off my bike as I cycled into work.
Your knowledge and experience could be transferred to something like an EHCP assessment officer or social work assistant. The money isn't great and caseloads can be big, you can still meet young people in need of support but are at less personal risk
Spencer Clarke are an agency who do a lot of recruitment for local authorities who need staff doing this.

When they dumped an incompetent arse onto me to help me. They then kept telling me all the information I was giving clients was incorrect, bollocking me, then realising they were wrong 🙄 One afternoon I had a meeting with my manager who said I was ‘being difficult’ with a staff member, when I was welcoming and any training that needed doing I was up for but not invited. So I thought sod it, my df was ill and my dm was struggling, so the next day I handed my notice in, much time my managers shock. Serves her right, she was harsh. I gave a lot of myself to the company, was always up to date on changes, welcomed everyone, was open minded, a grafter and was popular with the clients.
That was my time. You just know.

The day I phoned my manager for help at the weekend when we were woefully understaffed (healthcare).never in 7 years had phoned her for help...and she’s said she couldn’t help as she was going to church...!!

It’s time to get out OP, I think you know that. I’m in a similar job and cried every morning getting dressed. I’m handing in my notice and accepting we’re going to be skint for a while. You should too.

I hate my job now (nursing frontline, critical care), what with covid (full ppe for hours at a time) and huge changes to my department (big merger of 2 areas so working with people I don't really know in absolute chaos due to building work). Last shift was bloody awful, spent most of my day off crying and feeling on edge. Sadly I'm in my 50s, can't retire for probably 18 months, even then will still have to work there a day or so a week. Seriously considering claiming my pension then working as a hca (which I know can be equally stressful but less responsibility)

For me it was when my bully of a boss after months of snide comments, gaslighting and nitpicking outright called me a "lazy cow" as a "joke" (not one person laughed or even smiled) in front of the whole office because I COULDN'T lift a heavy box due to my physical disability (Ironic in the context of the comments on thread as caused by car accident) - which she knew about and regularly mocked me for.

In my head I went "nope! Not coming back tomorrow"

And that was that.

I already had mh issues (which again she knew about) and I felt on the verge of another breakdown.

It really was a last straw moment

I actually at first "went sick" oddly it was a dwp advisor I broke down on who said to me I was putting too much pressure on myself to return and that nobody should have to put up with what I had been. (It was the gaslighting stuff that really shocked her - deleting and misdirecting emails deliberately, messing with paper files, changing the clock on my computer...)

Op absolutely nothing wrong with deciding enough is enough, but if you feel up to it can you investigate moving into management, admin, mainstream ta work, tutoring or something?

If you're wanting to move right away would it be an idea to take your cv and speak to a careers advisor?

Careers services aren't just for the young 'uns they can give valuable advice and support to career changers too.

to all on thread who've had to put up with shitty employers and jobs

I had a moment of clarity and thought I'd top myself if I was still there in 5 or 10 years time.
A friend talked transferable skills to me and helped write my cv and I was out within a couple of months.