How do you not stress?

[Aldilogue]

I was wondering when you get told to reduce your stress what do you do?
I work part time, have 3 kids and study full time. I need to do unpaid clinical placements, submit assignments and study for exams.
I still need to run my household and be a mother.
Stress is making me feel tense and grumpy and my shoulder hurts from me being tense.
People get told to reduce stress but what do I reduce, family and study are important. It’s not my children’s fault that I have to study.
It’s a nursing degree and I have a very supportive and kind husband who helps around the house.
Any advice?

Anyone?

Hi, sorry you are stressed. You sound busy.

I once did a stress checklist thing, my score was ridiculously high. So I reorganised my life quite a lot.

Basically, what can you take out?

• make cooking easier
• clean less and ask kids to help with chores if old enough
• more relaxed weekends
• earlier bedtimes
• turn down invitations to stuff
• no more baking for school

Etc etc.

There must be something you are doing you could reduce?

I could have written your post! Not sure what the answer is but I'm trying to set myself milestones to focus on to get through feeling like there's too much to do and cope with. I'm also trying to minimise 'non-essential' things. Interested to hear others views

I think different things help different people. If nothing is droppable, then I find I have to either alter the pace (change a timeframe, reduce the frequency of something etc) and/or start finding ways to look after myself - generally things that can be done in 10-15 minutes, as kind of the whole point is that I'm short on time

It’s not my children’s fault that I have to study

I was wondering what this means in practice?

You studying is a good thing, and a good thing would not be anyone's fault.

I hv been in yr position doing a medical degree ( as a single mum) . The biggest and best stress reliever ever was getting a cleaner ! I love her ....

PracticingPerson you’re right.
I think what I mean is I don’t want them to be the brunt of grumpiness when I’ve made the choice.
You are right though, it’ll be worth it in the end.
Just feels like it never will 😀

I agree it is best not to be grumpy, as much as possible - and not just for them!

Do you think there is anything you could dial down a bit to take any pressure off?

You have a part-time job, and full time study. You need the money your job brings in, presumably, so the logical step if you can't cope is to give up your studies. You'll hardly be less stressed when you qualify.

How much longer are your studies? How old are dc? I certainly don't agree with pp re giving up studies.

I've just finished studying for a MSc part-time while working full-time with 2 kids and found it incredibly stressful at times. Looking back I wish I'd got a cleaner, if only temporarily, as the money would have been worth it to mean I could I spend time with the kids relaxing rather than frantically cleaning. No-one else in the family would have cared if things weren't dusted or ironed.

In general, I let standards slip re cleaning, cooking etc and took up any offer from friends or family to take the kids out while I studied. I got used to starting academic work at 8pm ish for a few hours a night.. and I was a positive role model for when my children moaned about having to do homework!

If I had known how hard it was to study and work, I am not sure if I'd have embarked on the course. But now it's finished I'm so glad I did it. DON'T GIVE UP!! It's temporary pain for long term gain.

Pay someone to clean/do ironing, you could prepare meals in advance and freeze, exercise/ stretching, babysitters.
You sound insanely busy so just keep reminding yourself it’ll be over one day! Good luck with your studies.

You have my sympathies, I've just finished studying with DC.
The house got messier and the food got less healthy tbh (luckily DS1 has school dinners which are good quality), but it's only for a temporary amount of time.

What's your p/t job and how much longer is your degree for? I would (if I could afford it and really felt I needed to) quit a p/t job before I quit a vocational degree...the vocational degree will probably have more benefit in the long term.

That's a lot going on.
I was in a similar position for two years. I cut stuff out before I broke.
Went to working part time and studied my last year of my degree part time too, it meant and extra year of studying but it was so worth it.

To reduce the negative impacts of stress you can either:

Reduce the stressors
And/or
Increase the coping skills

So, as others have picked up on , you could see if dropping the job is possible, if it's possible to study part time, if children or husband or paid professional can help more in the house, if house standards can slip a little, if you can meal prep etc

AND you can work on small coping aids. I would suggest - 5 min moments of 'me time' where you do deep breathing, listen to music, stretch. That can in a lunch break, when the kids go to bed, or even in the work toilets! Time outside even if just a 10min walk. Prioritise sleep and good food when you can. Then loads of self compassion to combat self criticism "I am working so hard, I am doing the best I can, I am a good role model to my children" plus some acceptance "this situation is hard but it is not forever, this will lead to good things, I can do this"

I mull over it and make rash decisions I am follow with interest!