DP and I have one DC - a toddler. Same old story I guess, but since DC was born, DP hasn't, in my view, fully pulled his weight or properly contributed to family life. He is the assistant and I'm the manager - mental load is entirely mine and although he does tasks, it's after me asking (often multiple times and then not doing a great job). An example would be, I asked him to dust and hoover last week while I was out with DC. He had had an almost full day out playing football with friends (usual Sat activity) and I called him while I was out with DC at a kids' activity when I thought he would be home (after 4pm) I asked if he could dust and hoover while we were out as DC scared of hoover. Got home to find him with hoover in hand and he complained when I asked him to switch it off till I brought DC in house and got upstairs to get away from hoover. He complained at this saying DC would be fine and I had to insist it was put off in living room till I changed nappy and washed DC's hands. After this unnecessary drama, I then realised the next day that he hadn't bothered to dust - just hoover - he "forgot" to dust. So he had basically just turned the hoover on moments before I walked in the house. i.e. done nothing That's just an example. I do almost everything and he is very lax with cleaning up after himself so examples like that are frustrating. I often ask him if he thinks a flatmate would put up with the mess he leaves - e.g..could you just leave Weetabix everywhere in the morning and go to work if you weren't living with me and had a flatmate? The other main issue is his lack of proper attention to DC. He comes home and is not really mentally present. He will tick some boxes of saying hello and the odd bit of interaction but often be is on sofa on his phone or watching TV. He seems to see parenting as something you can do in 5/ 10 minute bursts and then move back to own adult activities (while I scurry around sorting out cleaning/ washing/ baths/ playing with DC etc . His main activity with DC is video calling his mother - and often he is actually reading stuff on his phone while she chats away (she lives far away). I feel he is absorbed in his own world and gives DC just enough attention, but more like a visiting uncle than a hands on father. If I bring this up, he turns it round and says "you're calling me a bad father" (I'm not using these words - just telling him he needs to be more involved.) So the issue becomes me criticising him rather than him looking at his behaviour. He says I complain too much and that's the issue, rather than the underlying problem I'm trying to ask him to change. I could give millions more examples. Yes I have been a nag but DP had major attention issues (in my view - he doesn't agree) and barely listens to anything or remembers anything. It's very difficult. I know LTB may sound like the answer but it's not easy to walk away when DC is young and it would cause other issues (like access - he is so forgetful / careless it would make nervous for him to have long spells with DC in an environment I don't know about). I feel I've lost all perspective on what most men's involvement in family life is normally like. DP insists I'm the problem and his behaviour is fine. His father was a rude man who sat on sofa with his wife running around after him so that is what DP has grown up with. Please tell me what is normal in your family. I want more engagement and interest! DP does do some things - like repairs etc but he seems to spend so much time doing his own thing. On days when he is with us (mainly Sundays) he can't wait to get out the house and expects us to be doing constant day trips as he gets bored at home. Of course I want to go out with DC but not from first thing in morning to.last thing at night - especially as he often zones out anyway. I appreciate this post is muddled and long but it's hard to put it all down for the first time!