Any positive stories from people who didn't get a rainbow baby?

[Literaryseed]

I'm 3 miscarriages in and, for health reasons, it's looking increasingly unlikely that we will try again. I have a DD who is 5 who is absolutely wonderful but it's hard to come to terms with not being able to give her a sibling.

Every pregnancy/baby loss story seems to have a rainbow baby as the happy ending and I desperately need to know there can be a happy ending without one.

I know the term 'rainbow baby' isn't to everyone's taste and I'm not that keen on it myself but it's useful. For anyone not familiar with it, it's used to describe a healthy baby born after pregnancy or baby loss.

It's trite but time does lessen the pain. Not going to say it heals because I don't think it does, but it hurts less as time goes by.

I had 2 miscarriages after my daughter was born and chose not to try again. I still have pangs of sadness 23 years later but it's certainly not as raw.

Look after yourself and your lovely dd.

Sending you big hugs op, I saw a meme the other day that said after EVERY storm comes a rainbow, and I thought wow that’s so insensitive to people that don’t get a rainbow baby
So I hear what your saying, where the support for people that don’t go on to get that rainbow

I know I’m the sands forums there a section about not having anymore subsequent children, which might be worth a look

One of my good friends is in this situation and I’d like to be able to help her, as although we’ve been though similar experiences we did go on to have a rainbow and I’m keen to support her as she’s newer to this path

Thank you both. I'll have a look at sands. I just need to know there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

Bless you, you keep hanging in there ❤️❤️Time won’t heal all wounds but it will make it feel less raw
Just keep holding on

Following with interest.

I'm three miscarriages in, no DCs. I'm desperately sad and worried that I won't ever cope without children. Having children was my biggest dream and frankly I've successfully built my whole life to provide for them and to be a good mum and everything would just be meaningless. I have no one to talk to who understands this. I'm nearing mid-30s, DH is nearly 40 and I really fear this is never going to happen for us.

@PurplePansy05 I'm sorry for your losses. I have to remember how fortunate I am to have my DD. It's awful, like staring down a black tunnel with no end in sight. Everyone tells you to be positive which is ok for a while but after loss after loss it becomes less possible doesn't it.

@Literaryseed I feel deep sadness over the fact "I don't even have one", IYSWIM. I know every loss is separate, every child is different and grieving what would have been and never came is personal. I know someone like you or someone else who has had a history of baby loss but has at least one living child can feel huge grief.

In my case it's just overwhelming, it's like it's sucking me in to depths of despair at times and I have nothing to hold on to. Like I don't have that reason to keep going.

I'm probably not explaining that very well. I feel so overwhelmed with sorrow now and really don't know if I still have any hope and whether it's right to even have it.

It's by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I have been through a fair bit of tough times. Just don't know where to turn anymore.

I'm sorry I'm waffling on here. I've been pushing these feelings to one side because no one understands and this thread has been a (needed) catalyst.

I think it's important to talk about the fact that sometimes there is no rainbow. Maybe talking about it will make it easier, somehow.

Purple I’m
So sorry for your loss too 💐💐I hope for both of you your wishes come true soon x

@PurplePansy05 I'm sorry you haven't got anyone to talk to about this. I'm 'lucky' in the strangest sense because a close friend is also going through miscarriages and infertility. It makes a huge difference speaking to someone who 'gets it'.

I understand what you mean. Like the sadness affects every part of your life. It's like a grief that doesn't seem to get old, there's always a reminder of what you don't have. It changes you as a person and I often look back at who I was 2 years ago and wish there was a way back there.

Thank you @Lardlizard x

I have a 5 year old and it just hasn't happened after 2 mc. Sometimes I desperately wish for another and feel guilty for not giving dc a sibling but I'm starting to think I just need to enjoy the present and the one that I have. It's really hard though so I get it. Sending love xx