I’m very lonely - please give me some advice

[Kaylia76]

Hi there!

I’m very lucky to still have my job, I’m in a profession which is based on projects and at the moment I have nothing on. This means I do nothing. It is a luxury in some ways but I am childless and home alone (DH leaves house at 630am and returns around 8pm - not his fault he’s doing overtime to help us financially with some upcoming bills).

Whilst we are in the town I grew up in, my friends all moved and my parents are too busy to see me. I’ve suffered with mental health issues since a child and my depression comes creeping back sometimes. I can feel it beginning, I don’t want to do anything but I’m so numb and bored by my existence. I have no motivation and all I want to do is eat.

I am so bloody lonely. DH thinks I have the life of Riley because he’s rushed off his feet and I don’t do much. I don’t really know what to do or how to describe it. My car is broken so I can’t travel anywhere. The weather is miserable and I can’t get myself to leave the house. Going to the post office is such a chore and I’m having to write “brush teeth” and “clean” on a list so I do it.

I’m in an incredibly lucky position but also feel so isolated. Any one similar?

All I want to do is buy things but I can’t afford to keep doing that!

@Kaylia76 good luck for today! You can do this!

Lockdown has affected some of the most mentally robust people I know so please don’t think your pathetic or anything. I have MH issues but lockdown has been good for me as I like peace.

I go for a walk every day rain or shine.

Your list is good for starters then consider something like a small art project to focus. I have been very unwell in the past and art has really helped me. I met a guy on a group therapy course who used to colour in adult colouring books. They didn’t appeal to me but they really helped him. You don’t need to spend much at all. I’m making something out of bits of old costume jewellery I have and I’m going to make a collage for DH office out of our old staff ID and library cards, little personal in joke.

Take care and if you feel you need to talk try Samaritans, they have helped me in the past,

I understand, it's good to have a few little things to do but it's such is such a slippery slope
For me WFH and my role becoming less busy has made me slip into depression
Just wanted to come on here to say you aren't alone

Hi @Kaylia76 how did you do today? How are you feeling?

Hi I've just seen your posts. How are you today? I think maybe your parents moving in will be a good thing. You'll have company and motivation to get up and ready and you'll maybe create a new daily routine. I wish you all the best

I would suggest trying to do some voluntary work in person, rather than online or over the phone. Food banks are very busy at the moment, charity shops always seem to need someone! For me, it gives me a reason to get up and forces me to interact.
At home, do you like cooking? Maybe do the learn one new recipe a week thing, and make a new and different dinner for you and DH. I found things like this really did help.
I hope today has been better for you.

Hi all,

Thank you for checking in, it feels weirdly reassuring.

I really tried today. I got up and brushed my teeth (I’m very embarrassed to say my morning brushing hasn’t been consistent), got dressed in JEANS! Then did some admin, walked to the post office and then treated myself to sushi (my favourite food). I felt really happy by it. The walk made my head ache which is odd. I then got given some work and FaceTimed 2 people for a while. DH got home at 7 tonight and I’m busy planning Xmas. I find Christmas fun.

I will actually do some arts you know, I love card making (I’m not good at it!) and since my parents have cleared out their house for the upcoming work, my arty bits have found their way back to me!

How is everyone else

You sound like you had a really lovely day! I got a bit stuck in a rut a few months back and I made myself go for lunchtime walks and it was the best thing I ever did. Sometimes it's just so hard to get the initial surge of energy to do something.
Was it very cold, is that why your head hurt maybe. I need a hat as my ears always get sore if it's even slightly cold (weird!).
You sound so positive and I'm glad you've re discovered your craft passion!

That sounds like a very positive day, you should feel super proud of yourself! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Hi @Kaylia76, hope you had a good day!

Hi OP,

I was struck that in your first post you said a couple of times how lucky you were- it read as if you feel guilty that you feel this way.

Suffering is suffering.

You’re having a hard time and your feelings are real, valid and understandable.

Possibly a daft suggestion, but I’ve found podcasts on a walk let me escape my thoughts for a bit- and they’re free.

Best of luck.

Hope you're doing ok, OP. I'm lucky in that I'm in a town, so not totally isolated, and WFH. No DP, parents, siblings or kids, but I have pets, which helps. The work keeps me busy, but it takes up so much of my day that I feel as if my life (I'm over 50) is draining away meaninglessly. I'm more or less shielding, and it seems a bit unreal to imagine people having family meals and sex with their spouses, almost normal weekends etc.

Maybe try learning a new creative skill. I decided to get back into knitting in lockdown. Most crafts have some great Facebook groups e.g. Ravelry. You get to see amazing projects and disasters too. And lots of friendly people offering advice. Making something, however simple and small gives me a very happy feeling

Can you prioritise getting your car fixed? It's very important. I joined the gym last week and it's amazing how it's changed my mood (never been a gym bunny in my life!). I'm doing classes so it feels like a bit of normality in this crazy year.

Hi OP how are you doing?

It’s so hard to motivate yourself in your situation but achieving small things will help. Is there a project re your home where you can move furniture around for a change, even if you change it back a week later? Or proper decorating even if it’s just the toilet room? Definitely get out the house every day and look for new walks in your area, listen to music and watch a tv series but not all day - 2 episodes max with lunch. Occasionally allow one duvet day of binge watching Netflix but the next day plan a proper day out somewhere.

Keep going op, it will get better.