Hello
My 5yo DS1 has always been what I would describe as 'high needs', but I've always very much viewed it as his personality, felt quite light hearted about it and been interested in how different my two children are, as DS2 who is 3 is very different.
The other day I was talking to a friend about some behaviour I found difficult and she asked if I had ever wondered if he had ADHD "or something"... she's very kind and gentle and didn't mean it in a judgemental way. The comment was from a place of concern.
I went and googled symptoms and I could find some similarities. My gut is to not look to pursue any kind of diagnosis unless it was seriously affecting his wellbeing, but I'm finding the thought keeps returning. So I was hoping to hear other people's experiences of ADHD and also thoughts around if DS1s behaviour is especially unusual? I'm thinking he possibly errs towards ADHD type behaviours but not bad enough to actually diagnose. As his brother gets older it's hard not to compare them.
- He always struggled with sleep, when younger he woke up multiple times and often would have hour long crying fits in the middle of the night. He did have sleep apnoea though and this has been fixed. However he still regularly wakes up once or twice a night at a minimum, with the odd night through. He gets scared so now has both a normal red night light and a little dim handheld one he can turn on himself if he wakes up. He has until recently needed us to stand with him for up to an hour to resettle him, and is struggling with us gently changing this to us resettling him and leaving, something I had to introduce as I was really getting worn down with so little sleep for so long. 3yo DS2 has been able to get himself back to sleep alone for awhile now.
- He is LOUD. I can hear him above all other kids at the park. He often screams and sounds almost hysterical when he's playing, yelps and screeches but not in distress, more when he's super 'up' and excited. He laughs hysterically so it almost sounds like crying. On the school run there and back he often spends most of it just screaming and yelling random noises. He talks and talks and often doesn't seem to listen to responses and instead seems to be waiting for his turn to speak next. He is also easily distracted and I can talk to him about something and I'll see him look vacant suddenly and he'll interrupt "yeah, mummy, ...." And start asking about something entirely unrelated.
- He finds it hard to sit still in some circumstances e.g. eating at the table the other day his brother stood occasionally (bench seating) but would sit back down when asked. Whereas at one point DS1 was doing a kind of handstand against the wall, feet on the wall, hands on the table either side of his plate. He says he gets told off for jiggling in his seat at school though teacher hasn't said anything.
- He responds poorly to direction and seems to take it as a personal criticism. E.g. same meal 3yo was trying to use knife and fork and was responsive to me suggesting how to hold them etc. 5yo kind of shut down when I made a suggestion (just about turning his fork round) and then refused to eat any more.
- He cried at nursery drop offs for almost a year. In the end I implemented a kind of script where I said the same sentences at the same point of the journey all the way there, and as I said goodbye, and he seemed to find this reassuring. He's year one now and will still sometimes refuse to go into school and have to be taken in. Normally responds well to teachers doing this though today he was screaming and kind of physically though gently pushing the headteacher away and trying not to step through the door.
- He's funny about trying new things and we've learnt not to be too enthusiastic with some praise as he can be a bit put out by this. When he successfully learned to ride his bike (v quickly) he had a strange outburst and stormed off angrily saying we weren't helping him properly... this was in response to us clapping and smiling and saying well done. Nothing bad seemed to have happened.
-Usually on his feet, climbing and jumping unless watching tv though often shouting and running around then too.
So. Yeah. Sort of sounds worse written down. He's very sweet and affectionate, clever, has lots of creative ideas, can be absorbed for longer periods when it's something he's especially into. No issues with speech development and was confidently walking quite early at 10m old.
Does this sound within range of normal 5yo behaviour?