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Is it possible to decide to change everything in one go?

44 replies

ecdysis · 06/10/2020 05:35

I am very lucky that the unchangeable things in my life are all, great at best and bearable at worst.

But there is a lot of things about me that I hate but I could change, I think about changing but never actually do mainly due to point 1. Has anyone completely overhauled their personality, woke up one morning and thought that's it I'm going to change everything I don't like?
My points I want to change are all linked imo to the first point.

  1. I'm lazy
  2. I'm fat
  3. I drink too much
  4. I'm untidy
  5. I have too much month at the end of the money.
  6. I have no style (see point 1&2)

Can I change who I've been for the last 40 years?

OP posts:
ecdysis · 06/10/2020 07:06

nikkylou that's very interesting thank you, I will have a look at that book. I do agree habit is a big issue, it's an easy habit to come in and pour a glass, I will need to find something to replace that. I think an early start sounds like a good idea, especially if you do things that make your life easier.

OP posts:
ecdysis · 06/10/2020 07:15

Juanmorebeer thanks, you are right about the motivation, I need to turn my want into do.

wallywobbles will look into that book, I love reading so makes sense to read something that will help.

Thank you for all the replies, it's heartening reading them. To all those saying baby steps you are right but I want it all Grin

OP posts:
ecdysis · 06/10/2020 07:24

@PracticingPerson

I think a life overhaul is possible, but if you look at your list it is negative and self-critical. I think you might do better to think of some positive things you want to put in, so instead of 'I'm lazy' what would you like to do?
Not be lazy Wink I don't mean it to be critical just objective. Interesting that everyone says if I stop drinking and lose weight that everything else will improve whereas I thought if I was less lazy then everything would improve.
OP posts:
LittleCabbage · 06/10/2020 07:27

I think you've had some good advice here OP. I just want to add re style - save up for a style consultation at John Lewis (they are free but you'll obviously want to buy some clothes). They will find you a set of clothes +/- shoes/boots/coat etc that all go together so that you can mix and match. That is really important and much better than buying separate things and finding they don't go with anything.

PracticingPerson · 06/10/2020 07:28

In the kindest way possible, you are not being very nice to yourself. You are saying quite unkind things repeatedly. I know we all have to have a word with ourselves at times but if my self-chat was 'I'm lazy I'm fat I'm lazy' I would soon feel very demotivated.

Take care Flowers and good luck with making the changes you want.

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 06/10/2020 07:33

Posting as in similar position. I strongly suspect adhd.

I also have trauma fromn childhood and am learning just how much the negative thinking spiral does damage.

Ive just bought a book on self compassion which I think might be more of a key than planning regimes I wont follow.

Girlintheframe · 06/10/2020 07:51

I would pick one thing you want to work on and you will probably find other changes happen organically as a result.
Pick an easy one though like getting out for a walk every day or having a rule that dishes have to done by x time. As you implement small changes and notice positive changes that will spur you on to change more.
I've gone through phases in life where I was overweight/no motivation/lazy etc. For me getting out for a walk/in nature had a massively positive effect on my MH.

Another idea is to write a list of your goals then make a list of all the baby steps you could take to get there.

EmmaStone · 06/10/2020 08:02

Not to bash drinking, but I find it has loads of knock on effects - like you, my sleep goes to pot if I've been drinking, lack of sleep makes me want to do less, and in general creates negative feelings. Sleeping well, waking up refreshed (ish - I'm not a morning person 😂), makes facing the day's tasks ahead much easier.

Also, I've got more into my exercise as I've got older, and drinking makes that harder and I'm much less bothered to do it if tired and/or hungover.

Paradoxically, doing more exercise gives me more energy, so I tend to get more done overall, plus, rather cheesily, it gives me me a sense of being able to achieve more. I'm not one of life's naturally sporty people, I don't naturally gravitate to it, but I can see its benefits, and that (along with an insistent Apple Watch and a DH who IS naturally sporty) keeps me going. I can't have too long 'off' or it's too hard to get back into it.

Good luck, if you want it, you can do it.

My other piece of advice is to have the changes you want to make SMART - specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timetabled. So instead of saying 'don't be lazy', try, 'I'm going to do 30 mins of exercise every M, W, F at 6pm before dinner (or while it's cooking)'. If you can see the end goal and the pathway of getting there, it's much easier and achievable than a blanket, I must be better.

PamDemic · 06/10/2020 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ecdysis · 06/10/2020 09:55

@PamDemic

I agree, the single best thing I have done for myself recently is to give up drinking. Whenever I do have a drink I feel it immediately and for a few days afterwards - in my sleep, in my mood, in my energy levels.
It's such a shame as it tastes so good. I drink way. As a pp said now is a good time to change especially give up drinking as no parties or nights out.

I've used my flexie time and starting work later, I've been for a short walk (about one mile but one mile more than yesterday) made a healthy breakfast and lunch. However have realised if I'm going to be less lazy I need to spend less time on here. Might just try and stick to the few threads that I'm already watching. Will think about SMART goals.

OP posts:
wishing3 · 06/10/2020 09:58

I think if you focus on one thing eg losing weight (for which you’d need to drink less) then you’ll probably find you have more energy to help other stuff fall into place. Sounds like you’re being pretty harsh on yourself though! Good luck.

PamDemic · 06/10/2020 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Prufrocks · 06/10/2020 10:00

Start with the drinking. The rest will follow.

I know whereof I speak.

HollowTalk · 06/10/2020 10:03

What's your home life like? You don't mention that you live with anyone. What about work?

Did you used to enjoy sport of any kind?

Apart from drinking Grin what do you enjoy doing?

growinggreyer · 06/10/2020 10:05

I agree that a bullet journal is a great tool. Get a nice notebook and write one key point on a page then you can keep track over time. It is great to tick things off, too so make them achieveable eg keep the sink shiny rather than have an immaculate house. I find that I forget what I had planned to do if I don't keep looking at my journal so I have sticky notes poking out of the top to remind me to look at pages I would rather ignore!

ecdysis · 07/10/2020 07:52

@HollowTalk

What's your home life like? You don't mention that you live with anyone. What about work?

Did you used to enjoy sport of any kind?

Apart from drinking Grin what do you enjoy doing?

Grin that made me snort!

Wine has become an easy option for years but lockdown has increased the issue. I'm not sure what I like anymore, there is lots I enjoy as I'm doing them with the family but not sure I would choose them if that makes sense? Long leisurely pub lunch is probably my idea of a great time... Fits with my issues!
Anyway yesterday I went for a walk in the morning, chose healthy food (which incidentally I enjoy just it takes more effort.... Point 1.) Actively tried to be less lazy, instead of thinking I will do it tomorrow I did it and then Did C25K in the v early evening (to explain just how fat I am I had several admiring comments and smiles of support from dog walkers as I ran-ha! Running was the same speed as walking I just puffed more.) But then I didn't buy any wine, so slept better and feel good today.

Just have to rinse and repeat... Sounds so easy....

OP posts:
Eckhart · 07/10/2020 08:05

Sounds like you've started strong, OP! Puffing is the important thing with exercise - it doesn't matter how fast you go. Nobody's timing you.

I just wanted to say that I don't think it's necessary to break it down the way you did, into a list. If you make a timetable and budget, you only have 1 thing on your list (1. Stick to the timetable and budget) which might make it feel less overwhelming.

A while ago I realised that I had no style, so, every month I buy a stylish (not necessarily expensive) piece of clothing, and dispose of an old scruffy style-free one. I realised you don't need much, and getting rid of scruffy stuff was the more impactful. It's a long job, minimal effort, and it's great getting dressed in the morning and realising that everything you're wearing today is smart.

Good luck!

user191264 · 07/10/2020 08:08

Actually really impressed at your last comment!!

Ecdysis · 05/12/2020 20:23

I just thought I'd update as the comments on here were so kind, thought out and helpful I'd like you to know how I'm going, because you may actually have changed my life.

5 weeks no alcohol (and according to drink aware I was a problem drinker)

This has resulted in better food choices and I've lost just over a stone in weight. I'm sleeping better, I'm feeling better. I am actively trying to be less lazy, the first three weeks were better and I've slipped a bit this week but have noticed the impact on my life that not being lazy is having and I'm liking it. I am walking about 90 minutes over the day. Five weeks ago it hurt to walk one mile.

It seems you wise people were right and the drinking was more of a problem than my laziness. As before I'm just going to rinse and repeat.

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