To have or not to have?? Am I unreasonable??

[Jenny20]

Hey everyone, I'm just wondering is anyone else in this situation? My partner and I have two girls (ages 10 and 4) and quite recently he brought up a conversation about having another baby. To be perfectly honest I don't want anymore kids, the whole two pregnancys I was leaning over a toilet plus the labor and birth was difficult and the post natal after really got to me 😐 but he wants one more. How do I tell him I'm just not interested in having anymore kids.

In mumsnet it is commonly said that no is a complete sentence. Unless he's planning on doing the heavy lifting of procreation (which most men wouldn't even if they technically could, I suspect) then he hasn't got a leg to stand on.

How about "I'm not interested in having anymore kids..."

Saying how unwell you were, it’s too much, he’s not the one to be pregnant

I don’t want any more kids.

They’d be quite spread out as well. It’d be really hard finding things you could do as a family if you did have another.

“When you can get pregnant and give birth, then we’ll have another”.

I have a 5 yr old and a nearly 2 yr old and my partner would love another baby but I've said no! He was upset but it's not practical - my reasons being:-

We live in a 4 bed house (bed 4 is the office not a bedroom it's tiny doesn't really warrant the title "bedroom")

We'd need a bigger car aswell as a 5 bed house

Money (I've got rid of all the baby gear and as they get older more expensive) plus days out/ holidays etc (after covid hopefully) are often based on family tickets of 2 adults, 2 kids

Impact on my other 2 as they play lovely together not sure what a third one would do to the mix

Grandparents - can just about cope with 2 anymore would be pushing it

But as people have said no should mean no but my partner was upset but he's got over it

I told mine I'd have the first two, he could have the rest.

Just tell him what you said here:

"To be perfectly honest I don't want anymore kids, the whole two pregnancys I was leaning over a toilet plus the labor and birth was difficult and the post natal after really got to me"

I had similar conversations with DH (from a large family) & both my pregnancies made me very ill. He will understand.

We stopped at 2 because dh didn't want more. He wasn't the one who had to lean over the toilet or have their private parts sliced open but even so, he had a right not to become responsible for a child he didn't want.

In your case, even more so. No one should be made to contribute their sperms or eggs if they don't want to do so. But it might be more tactful to focus on why you don't want it, because of the toll it took.

I’d just tell him that both pregnancies and births were difficult, and post natal was horrible for your mental health such that you just cannot go through it all again. He should understand.

I do know a few couples though who adopted their 3rd child. They had two and wanted a larger family but felt it would be a wonderful thing to adopt a local child in need.