Should I just give up and how to move on? 43, one child, 2 losses

[thisisquitedifficult12]

Very blessed to have an amazing dc who is now 8. Secondary infertility affected us having another. I've been pregnant twice in the last two years.. weirdly more successful in my 40s ! Both ended in ectopic. Currently waiting for second to resolve ( first was surgery and tube removal )

I seem to get pregnant ok but it doesn't find the right place!

I'm now at a point where the heartache and risk is huge. I so want another and a sibling for dc but is it worth it? The age gap is large and they won't play together. .. if it works ( highly unlikely) I will be 60 when dc2 is 17

My head says just give up now
But my heart says no keep trying for a while longer and give it your all

How do you know when to just quit?

ps, and in some ways, the parenting is more emotionally taxing. My daughter really treats me like an emotional dumping ground. She's always draining me with her ''stress'' and her nose is too big, her breasts are too big, she's too fat.......... ARGH

I'm 50 with an 8 year old. I don't feel too old!
OP if you try again please consider getting a specialist in miscarriage to work with you, if you have less time left you want to throw the book at it, so to speak. There was a great documentary about miscarriage on tv last night, did you see it? Some women were seeing Prof Lesley Regan for help and she was so reassuring about chances (it said 75% of women she treated had a baby).

There’s 19 years between my cousin and her older brother
Sadly she was only able to have one child herself
He’ll be 21 when she’s 60

I'm so sorry for your losses, it's so hard to bear, and very hard to decide to keep trying. Just wanted to say, I have a 9 year age gap and my DD absolutely adores her little brother, she is the best big sister ever and he dotes on her - they have such a strong bond, I never would have expected it to work out as well as it has. Anyway I had my second baby age 43, I was terrified of abnormalities but it was fine, and two of my friends had babies age 43 and 44 also with no abnormalities, it really is possible.
Yes, you'll be 60+ when your child reaches 18, but you'll be working til you are 75, most likely. Age is just a number. It gives you a great incentive to stay fit and live a healthy lifestyle.

@MuserOwl thanks for the different perspective. I do love having time to myself that having only one gives me.. but I would sacrifice this happily for another.. I know the early years will be tough and parenting is hard.. I'm dreading teenage years!

But then I look to the next 10 years and think yes it would be nice to able to holiday and do what I want but I would rather have another person in our family..

Thanks for your perspective on the age gap @Bingbongbinglybong

@MuserOwl. Do you have a supportive partner? I think it makes a huge difference if you have a supportive hands on partner. The thought of being 50 with a 5 year makes me shudder but that might be because of societal pressures.
I think having a hands on partner, being able to financially afford another and having a secure home takes a huge stress out of parenting regardless of the age you choose to have them. Also there's an older sibling who will chip in with the care of younger sibling, this all helps.
It all depends on your personal circumstances.