Feel differently about friends in these times

[Sunnysunshine125]

Sorry if this has been done before. Was feeling a bit down the last couple of evenings about how some friends are acting in these times.
Posting conspiracy theories and in general not acting how I’d predict they would have.
Friends of 20 years are just the same but I’m talking about a few folk I’ve known roughly 3 years. Just acting totally differently to how I’d predict eg acting as if not being able to be in a pub after 10 is the end of the world. I’d have predicted they would have been viewing things as a collective effort to try and keep everyone healthy etc etc.
Anyway a range of things will make me view them differently once this is all over and it was getting me down a bit...

I think your feelings are very understandable. I know a lot of people are struggling with their parents behaviour but people are also having these kinds of frustrations with siblings and friends and colleagues too. I have been shocked by conspiracy theories and groundless advice and reckless behaviour from people I thought knew better. It’s totally ok to feel annoyed by this but I think that once we have a vaccine and things move on I don’t think these feelings will last.

One of my friendships has ended because of their attitude to covid. Realising she wasn’t who I thought she was is one of the hardest things.

ParisOnWheels- it’s really surprising isn’t it- folk that you think would take it seriously/ be really responsible aren’t...

It's made me realise some people I know are far more stupid than predicted. Anti mask twats etc. I didn't know most of them well and now will never know them(

I have never been a political person but I now have definitely started to be a bit judgy on how certain friends have reacted to our governments response to Covid ! I have distanced myself from a couple of people because I relise that we are so different where morals are concerned!

Yeah - most of my friends are same as me - following the rules - mostly staying home - not doing big gatherings or anything!

One friend though I’ve distanced myself from massively the last few months - her wedding is early next year and the topic of conversation is constantly about how unfair the rules are about weddings - poor me - it’s not fair - they let people go to shops but not weddings? Why not! I don’t understand??

She also flew abroad in the height of lockdown to shop for a bloody wedding dress - didn’t do the proper isolation in that country (it is where she is from) she was visiting loads of people while she was there too!

I can’t handle the oh poor me attitude when we are all in the same boat - like some of our friends have had relatives die - lost their jobs etc And all she can go on about is her big wedding and how unfair it is that it may have to be smaller!

Heyahun... absolutely... like when the pubs weren’t quite open yet and it was the poor me attitude... and a couple of relatives of folk I know had passed away and yet all some people could think about were pubs/ trips abroad...
It’s certainly made me view some newish friends differently.

I know someone who's being a bit like that, and he's one of the last people I would've expected. It's really weird.

I think it's some sort of brain deficiency that makes some people view the whole thing as a silly idea from the government, rather than measures to deal with a deadly disease.
Or plain selfishness.

SengaMac... that’s what surprised me...folk I thought wouldn’t be selfish are acting like that

You’d just getting the full picture of people you know, that’s all. They’re acting in a way ‘new’ to you because this crisis is new to everyone.

My neighbours on one side - wife works in GP surgery admin, husband caretaker in car home. They’d both been having extended family round as usual through lockdown, caravan repair crew, etc then going into work (keyworkers). They took the doorstep clap all summer. (Sounds like a new nasty virus )

You’d think being in their early 60s and working in direct vulnerable environments, they’d be more responsible. Bit surprising really.

Maybe they’re just not brainwashed

Yes, I phoned a cousin I rarely speak to last night, I always knew she was off the wall about lots of things but had never guessed she would be in favour of Trump! And obviously thinks measures to reduce the spread of Covid are OTT.

Brainwashed about what namechange?
I don’t understand.

God it’s like Brexit all over again.

Vive la difference.

I think it depends.

It's affected everyone in different ways. No one is unaffected by it.

Yes, objectively losing a relative is less serious than not being able to go the pub after 10pm or have a big wedding but everyone's life is different.

For some people, losing the social interaction hasn't affected them, for others it was crucial.

So, no one I know has died but my boyfriend and I broke up at the weekend. We were in a support bubble. The restrictions played a big part in it largely down to the financial implications for him of loss of income and the stress associated with that along with the new rules in my workplace ramping up my work based stress. So not the end of the world but still sad and wouldnt have happened had it not been for the current situation.

Everyone I know is following the rules but it doesn't mean we like the new normal imposed on everyone. It's fine to be dissatisfied with life as it currently looks.

And, tbh, masks, distancing, sanitizing in pubs I get, but I don't really see what the 10pm closures are intended to achieve other than to make it look like something is being done. And I know a few people who think it's possibly a measure to permanently roll back the later licensing hours that were brought in a few years ago. Time will tell but people are theorizing about what is going on because there is very little else to talk about at the moment and some people just like to talk.

There were still plenty of pissed people out on Saturday night. They just went out and started drinking earlier from what I can make out!

I think it's underatandable for people to be a bit irked that their life has changed so drastically.

Argh more serious obviously!!

And, tbh, I tend to regard other people's opinions as their business. Unless it was directly impacting on me and my well being, I tend to just let people get on with it.

I might roll my eyes but I wouldn't end a friendship over someone else's views to the government response to it unless they were being personally offensive and an utter bore about it.

I might roll my eyes but I wouldn't end a friendship over someone else's views to the government response to it unless they were being personally offensive and an utter bore about it.

In either direction.

My ex husband, for example, is usually a reasonable man but he has sent me streams of angry texts criticising people who are following the rules exactly for not going far enough in restricting their own lives.

Calling people 'morons' for still going to the supermarket etc.

That's just as silly as the conspiracy theorists!

People dying isn’t the only thing you are allowed to be upset about. Having your wedding cancelled is very upsetting. Not being able to see family and friends is very upsetting. Holidays being cancelled is upsetting. Having to follow a strict set of confusing rules can be upsetting.

Being upset is understandable.
Ignoring the rules is less understandable. (to me)

Friends complaining about pubs etc doesn't bother me. I am not a big drinker at all but I wouldn't be annoyed at friends missing that/

I do get annoyed at people being irresponsible. I have a friend who I think is being quite reckless. She lives at home with parents and siblings (but is in 30s) and they have all been going out and seeing friends at their houses. Her father tested positive for covid at the weekend and I cannot help but think it will have spread due to their actions. I find it very frustrating.

I also hear other friend say "it's fine, I don't have any symptoms" and continues to make the same point even after I had pointed out you can have it and spread it before you have any symptoms.

DH has a friend who is a conspiracy theorist and is anti-mask.

If people are posting weird stuff on SM, that may have a longer term impact on how I view them, as they're probably not quite as intelligent as I'd given them credit for, but thankfully, there are very few people in my social media sphere like that. Likewise the people making up weird additional rules and making cats bum faces to those not following them.

Covid aside, my family and I disagree on politics in general, compounded by us having US family as well as UK, but I respect their opinions, they're not made stupidly, but based on policies important to them. And my focus might be on policies more important to me (PS I sent my postal vote yesterday ).

I'm keeping abreast of Covid, the various symptoms, how it's tracking, higher risk points etc. and on the basis of that, I don't blindly follow the government's advice. Because everyone's circumstances aren't identical. Again, most people in my close social group are doing similarly, but if they want to be more or less careful, I let them crack on. We're all still individuals. Unfortunately, the government seem to be consistently shooting themselves in the foot, with various governmental figures taking their own stance - there you go, I guess even when making policy, everyone is an individual - so that does dilute their message somewhat.

@Heyahun

Yeah - most of my friends are same as me - following the rules - mostly staying home - not doing big gatherings or anything!

One friend though I’ve distanced myself from massively the last few months - her wedding is early next year and the topic of conversation is constantly about how unfair the rules are about weddings - poor me - it’s not fair - they let people go to shops but not weddings? Why not! I don’t understand??

She also flew abroad in the height of lockdown to shop for a bloody wedding dress - didn’t do the proper isolation in that country (it is where she is from) she was visiting loads of people while she was there too!

I can’t handle the oh poor me attitude when we are all in the same boat - like some of our friends have had relatives die - lost their jobs etc And all she can go on about is her big wedding and how unfair it is that it may have to be smaller!

To be fair, I think I’d have been pretty gutted if it was my wedding. We only have your side of the story as to how much she’s been whining but I think you need to cut her a bit of slack. I’m gutted enough that my hot air balloon ride, pantomime and Russell Howard performance were all cancelled. I’d be devastated if anything had ruined our wedding.

Honestly, I think a lot of this is anxiety and people expressing it in very different ways. My mum and dad have effectively been shielding since early March- neither were on a shielding list, but have convinced themselves if they go outside they will catch covid and die. My friend B on the other had has started reposting a load of conspiracy stuff and has convinced herself the government and some shadowy behind the scenes powerful group are using a minor illness to create a dictatorship. B is as stressed as my parents, they just express it totally differently.