How to stop feeling jealous

[saynotodietcoke]

I know this is pathetic and I'm lucky in so many ways but I can't help how I'm feeling today. Found out a very close friend just got a promotion and is now on £95,000 a year. Other two close friends are on £75,000 and £100,000. I'm nowhere near, I'm struggling day to day. They are childless, own their own houses, new cars, holidays etc. We are mortgaged up to the eyeballs, two very young dc and pre Covid managed a camping trip twice a year.

I can't help feel jealous and miserable. Any tips to stop feeling so inadequate?

Remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Ok they have excess cash and no children
But equally they may want children, they may be lonely, you will get your freedom and earning potential back at a time they may be losing theirs in the preschool years. Just remember everyone’s lives move at a diff pace in diff directions

Perhaps they are envious that you have children. You just don't know.

It just depends what you value. If you are jealous because that's what you want then you have to position yourself to get it.
You have children and they don't so have all the hours they can give to earn that money and maybe worked very very hard to achieve that goal.
If that is your goal then do what you can to make it happen.
If you don't fancy that and are happy with your family and love that money can't buy then remember that you are equally blessed and just as rich in other ways.

Not many really... what do you and your DH do? If you are motivated by money is there anything you can do to change your situation? If not, as usual, drop any negative feeling that’s outside your zone of influence.

Remember too that situations can change quickly - one bonus is you’ve had children younger than your friends, so once your DCs are grown up you’ll still be young and able to ‘self-actualise’ a bit. Your friends might be still in the thick of ‘costs related to children’ in their 40s and less able to think about travelling at that end of their life. They might miss the family boat entirely. Try to feel happy and buy things second hand 😁 I love a second hand bargain.

There will always always be someone earning more than you so you either just have to accept that or do something to change it by earning more.

My closest friends are earning 250k plus but for that, they sell their souls to the devil (partners in law firms). They work all hours and also on holidays. On fri it was my friends birthday (her and her husband are both partners in law firms). She had taken day off but had ended up working and when we left at 1030pm her husband was on phone outside to his assistant talking him through stuff. None of them have kids and are not going to. Yes they have amazing houses, cars and holidays but I’m just not envious because I know they give blood for every penny and have a lot of stress.

I could achieve same level of pay if I wanted to (lawyer also and could easily make partnership) but I chose to go in house on reduced hours and pay as I’d prefer to enjoy my life and my kids.

I don’t think it helps to imagine what they may or not be missing in their lives. All this “maybe they wish they had kids” “maybe they never enjoy the money because they work so hard” isn’t a good way of looking at things. Them being unhappy doesn’t make you any more happy so trying to imagine they are isn’t healthy. Anyway they might be super happy and enjoying their money.

You can look at what you do have and be grateful for it without imagining someone else having a shitty time and that’s what you should try doing instead.